[yourone]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now. I knew I was ready to lose my viginity to him by our 2nd month. He didn't feel the same way, which tormented me on the inside. I would give him hand jobs and oral but he never wanted sex. Sometime in our 5th month he decided that he was ready. We lost our virginity a month later and we tried again one more time a month after that. The thing is, those are the only times we have tried. He says he wants to be home alone for a long period, for me to be on birth control and for him to buy condoms. We have all of those things, one time when we would be alone for 12 hours but he still won't have sex. The other night I felt so pathetic because I pretty much begged to have sex. We were naked and making out but he wouldn't have sex with me. I told him flat out I wanted sex and he just got mad. (This has happened more than once)I don't understand why he does this. He always says how I have a beautiful body, a great personality, and how much he loves me, yet he won't be intimate with me. I felt so desperate and awful begging because I am not a sex obsessed person. I don't think about sex 99% of my day. I enjoy doing other things with him but I feel like we could grow closer by being intimate with one another. I feel guilty because sometimes I want to cheat or leave him because I am so sexually unsatisfied. I feel like I pressure him because I say I want to share more than just once with him. I feel unwanted, unloved and like there is something wrong with me. I just recently found out that I can't take hormonal birth control because of some serious side effects and I am allergic to spermicides. So now he definitely won't have sex with me. He says he will when the time is right but I don't believe him anymore. Do you think he will live up to what he said, accept being in a sexless relationship or move on?

[Cat1864]

To get a clearer picture of what is going on, I'd like to get a bit more background information.

How old are both of you? Though maturity isn't necessarily linked to age, it may be a factor in his thoughts and concerns.

What are the living arrangements? You mention him wanting to be him alone for an extended period.

Are you both dependent on others for your support or do you support yourselves?

Are you out of school? If not, how much longer do you have until you are?

Are you ready and financially able to be a parent? No form of birth control is 100% effective. Not being able to use spermicides or hormonal birth control takes out two of the more effective forms. Condoms alone are subject to higher failure rates than if used with a spermicide. Plus you have to be extremely careful to use them correctly. Have you talked to your doctor about non-hormonal contraceptives?

It sounds to me like you are both still young and he is concerned about pregnancy which could change your entire future. As myself and several others on this site alone can tell you when you gamble with nature, nature has a way winning when it wants to even with the slightest odds.

Not wanting to have sex is not the same as not wanting you. Intimacy is more than putting body parts together. It is also connecting on a mental and emotional level. Are you allowing a desire for the physical to overwhelm the intimacy you already share with him?

Have you listened to his reasons for not wanting intercourse? Do his reasons make sense to you? Can you talk with him about needs without it becoming an argument? Why does it become a fight?

Walk away if the need for sexual intercourse is stronger than the feelings you have for him and the intimacy you already share.

[farvaknowsbest]

Almost sounds like he could be gay (not trying to be funny, that's what I actually think). I'm not sure how old you guys are, but if you were both virgins when you guys first had sex, and he didn't like it very much, then he might be gay and not even know it. I think you should confront him about it, not about being gay as that would probably enrage him, but just ask him to why he doesn't want to have sex with you. If he doesn't give you straight answer, then he may just not be right for you, and he needs to go and find his true self.

[sallyURpally]

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with you. I feel like he most likely does love and care about you.. and does think your cute... but it almost sounds like he may be dealing with an issue.. perhaps a sexuality issue. Perhaps he likes men.. but isn't comfortable coming out. So he does like you.. and thinks your pretty but mayb in a different kind of way. ALSO having sex with someone doesn't always mean your going to be closer after. I think u 2 need to talk more.. mayb its something else that's on his mind.. . and well if he can't talk to you about it.. then you shouldn't have sex with him anyway. Talking first, sex after