[lostatthemoment]

Not really sure of what to do at the moment... and yes this is a relationship question lol... I met an amazing girl at some place I never in a million years would have trusted, a dating website... I've NEVER used one before because I was just so I don't know, suspicious of them... I thought relationships found on them were always set to fail... but nonetheless I tried one out and the 2nd girl I messaged started to click very well with me... In fact it went incredibly well. We messaged back and forth a few times on there till I asked for her number and she said sure... Then we texted for a day or so and I remember one night just asking for a phone call... So she agreed and we talked that night for about an hour... We continued texting and talking on the phone for a few days lol all day at times...

Then I mentioned that I was going to be in her area for the day (which is about an hour from where I live) because I had to run an errand up there... so she brought up the thought of meeting up lol but she was nervous and so was I but we met for some pizza and had an amazing time, she agreed to hangout again at my buddies place the next day and we got food and went for a walk, then watched a movie back at the house... getting closer as the night progressed... At the end of the night she went in for the kiss... probably the best first kiss I've ever had...

That week end she had me up to her moms and I met her family and we all got along great in fact her family adores me and I them... We made out that night and a few more consecutive nights after that, things got really physical really fast but I didn't want to say anything at risk of possibly ruining the connection between us, she was already up to calling me babe and things like that and texting me she missed me every time we didn't see each other... It was going so well it scared me... Then she wanted to come down to my town and see me and where I was from... I agreed and we spent the day together... We hung out at my house early in the day and things got intense physically yet again but she was the one that went for it...

We then went to my friends house and hung out with him till late till we decided to go back to her place so we drove there to spend the night, things got intense yet again that night... It was just like we seemed to fall into place together and my only concern was that it was so fast but things were going so well I pushed my worry away, I thought it was my damn unnecessary concern/pessimism that always seems to creep through when I'm in these situations... Anyway things went phenomenal for like two weeks, and I asked her to be my girlfriend on valentines day, I was on cloud nine, I finally had this beautiful smart, independent girl that seemed to care about me, my thoughts and was actually "with" me in every way, I've grown to care so much for her and I know its only been a small amount of time but I've fallen for her... hard... and that's just it I've never felt this way this fast about another girl... ever... Anyway, I had gone up to her house for the week end about a week ago... thinking everything was cool, but I got there and the whole week end its like she was acting normal but somehow distant... It worried me slightly so the final night I was there I tried asking what was wrong, and she kept saying nothing, then switched to I don't know and kind of just repeated "I don't know" as we tried talking till I just kind of gave up at conversation and started tearing up a little.. I tried to push my concern aside once more and just try to sleep, and we did.. Woke up the next morning and everything seemed fine, we ate breakfast, hung out and I left a little after lunch, we kind of texted that day, then she called me in the evening and we talked for a little, then just before I went to bed she texts me "I need to tell you that I feel we went to quick and I'm not ready to be what we are" I said I asked you if we were going to fast a while ago and you said no I mean I felt we were rushing but I don't know I didn't say anything because I thought you were feeling it as much as I was.

She said " I'm sorry i don't feel the same I'm sorry" I called her and we talked and she basically said the same, so I got kind of upset that it came out of nowhere but not too apprehensive.. I was just... down... so we confirmed we were breaking up and I said I guess I'll see you around...

We didn't talk for about 5 days... It was absolute hell and as hard as it was I didn't text her... till one night she called me and said she missed me and wanted to talk but we talked for a little then she had to go so she texted me that she felt she made a mistake and wants to hang again but she wasn't sure, said she doesn't know what she wants and she felt we went to fast in every way... I said I agreed I just didn't want to say anything and I thought things were going more serious because of some of the things she showed me... So we talked for about a day... then she invited me up to hang on Sunday so I went and we talked... she said can we just start over? She said I overthink and am so negative all the time.

I don't know what I want but I know I missed you, so I said yea I want this but she knows my guard has to be back up... I asked what do you want to do then? And she said... just hang out... like we ran into someone she knew and she introduced me to them as her friend, and she referred to me as her friend later as well, then we went back to her house and we horsed around like I was used too, she sat on my lap, held my hand... all the regular physical contact PDA bf/gf/ stuff we did before, even kissed me at the end of the night... And we've been texting and calling since, at a much slower pace though...

So this is where I'm lost, I'm being told to just be a little more indifferent and a bit nonchalant and I don't know make her work for or "earn" it... because I mean I know I treated her like gold and she was the one who ended it but I feared maybe, I don't know somehow I overwhelmed her... unintentionally... so now I'm torn... I mean I care for her so much... I don't want to lose her because I know its going to hurt like hell... She's what I want but the last thing on this earth I want to do is I don't know overbear again her and push her away, but at the same time if I just stay still or just wait for her to pursue... will she get bored or discouraged or unhappy if I don't put enough back into it? I want there to be a happy medium but I don't know how to find one... All I know is I care for her and I want so much for this to work but I'm scared of going about it the wrong way and losing her...

Any heartfelt advice would be appreciated...

[Homegirl 50]

Take it slow and see where it goes. She told you she thinks you guys took things too fast.
Slow it down and see how things go. Get to know each other.

[lostatthemoment]

I'm trying... its just I'm concerned if I do take it too slow, shell I don't know get bored or want to move on if I don't try to keep her interested... like my friends and fam say she contacted you so obviously she want something, and there's that whole "dnt let her have the power thing" lol its bad, day to day I'm just unsure if I should evn be the one who texts first..

[Homegirl 50]

If you have to try that hard to keep someone interested, they are not for you to begin with.
Take the time to get to know her, not be in a relationship with her. The knowing should come first. It's not about power, it is establishing a relationship. It will work or it won't.
You two went to level 2 before you finished level 1.

[lostatthemoment]

Your right... I mean we went so quick it was like we became friends AS we became a couple... and we need that friendship basis first... she's told me she wants to know all about me, likes, dislikes, fears... in I told her I want the same, I guess it is time to pump the breaks and cool off to try and know each other... lol as frustrating as it might be... thank you :)

[Homegirl 50]

Exactly.
Take your time. There is no need to rush into things. Trust your own instincts. You knew things were moving to fast.

[talaniman]

While you are getting to know her, its good to keep doing what you were doing before you met her, because making your whole world revolve around her is a mistake. Keep doing your own thing and relax, as you both are single and have followed the lust. It was to fast, so don't lose track of yourself until you both agree this is official... again.

Then at least you will have a plan B if this doesn't work out, or the interest just isn't there. Its okay to start over as friends, but don't tie yourself to this new "friend" thing to tightly that you are more attached than she is. That will suck. All physical is not love, its lust, so be very aware that its easy to get attached with the bodies, but it's the minds that have to bond.

No games, no trying to convince her of anything, just enjoy getting to know each other as apart of your life, not the main thing in your life.