[mogrann]

I have had a good day and a rough day. First I am working on avoidance of tasks because of thinking they won't be perfect. Self care is one and I am working on showering, brushing hair, getting dressed daily with no judgments on how I should look.. I accomplished that today.
Then I found out I had two people pass away today that I know.
Then my son talked to me and allowed me to talk to his children. We have not had contact in years.

I am working on not doing the all or nothing thinking. I am trying to keep these situations separate and not say my day was all bad or all good. My issue is judging myself for I guess this big change in how I think and act. This is the first time to be honest that I have not gone to the all or nothing right away. I can say honestly I think the DBT is working and I am changing for the better. I am still scared of this feeling of... normal?

How do I do "just the facts" when I judge that I am not sad enough, that I am wrong to be happy that I talked to my son when I had people pass away.

To ones that know me and how far I have come may I say I have come to the place I don't struggle with my suicidal thoughts anymore. I am using skills and I believe I have changed from even a year ago. I do thank you people on this site as well as my DBT team.

[Wondergirl]

Humans are complex organisms. I can fall on my face and bash my nose, yet while lying on the floor laugh at the stupidity of it. My deceased dad's birthday was yesterday. I wept with remembering him and was joyful that we'd had so many good years with him, yet was angry with him for leaving the world too soon.

I'm so proud of you, Mogrann, that you are learning and experiencing how to be a complex human being and reveling in the fact that you are one! And I love your reports back to us. You cannot imagine how much they and your progress mean to us who know you and love you.

***kisses and pats to Owen***

[mogrann]

It is scary to be closer to my goal to be normal like everyone else. If you had told me a year ago I would be like this today I would have told you BS. I had no hope of change then... now I have hope that I can beat this Borderline Personality Disorder.
I also graduated from skills group and have my certificate on the wall. I am now in generalization group. I am not there yet as you can see by my issue, but no where close to how I was back in the beginning.

[Wondergirl]

I have to tell you a secret, Mogrann. Sssssshhhhhhhhh! Don't tell (not even Alty), but... *gulp*... none of us is normal.

[mogrann]

GASP say it ain't so ! Best way I can explain it is : when I say normal how most people react. I am used to high emotions and high stress with no good coping mechanisms. I am slowly learning the little emotions exist it does not have to be a 10 out of 10 that I can feel a 1 out of 10 and it does not mean I am feeling nothing.