[theitalianguys]

Hello I'm in a bit of a situation right now. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over a year I'm 22 she's 20 things were going great. We had our fights but honestly I believe they happen. She had something's happen to her in her past and she says that she has trust issues and she has a hard time trusting me. She started going to the doctor and the doctor said its best for her to break it off with me and work on herself. She called me a couple days ago out of the blue saying that she wants to break up that she needs time to fix herself but she wants to get back with me and this would be like a month/month and a half thing.

I was pretty shocked when she said this and hurt from how random it was I gave back everything she had given me. A day goes by and she came by to give me an iPad to continue to speak to me visually. I really didn't want her over because I was trying to get over the fact that she had broken up with me. We wounde up having sex a little time passes and I ask her "if I'm willing to put my heart out there like this and wait for you and give you you're space do you plan on hooking up with other guys".. she hesitated a bit and said I do plan on getting really drunk Friday (tonight) and I'm not really sure what is going to happen. I told her she needed to leave.

A couple days go by I broke it off with her because I felt it was the right thing to do. About 3 hours later (I know pathetic) I call her back and tell her this isn't the way I want this to end and she said she didn't want this either. I ask her why don't we just go back out and take a break instead of being over completely she denies and said that this is what she needs and this is what the doctor said is best. We continued to talk for the next two days and she was the one that was contacting me I wasn't contacting her. She was telling me she misses me so much and she loves me and now she's telling me that she isn't going to be hooking up with guys.


I really don't know what think... tonight's the night she is out and I told her that if she hooks up with someone that she will lose me for good and she got upset that I said that but said okay. I feel like I'm on a losing situation on both ends either I'll break up with her and never know what would happen or she goes out tonight hooks up with someone tells me and then I just basically got strung along.

I'm really looking for some advice here maybe someone went through the same thing..

[indya]

A woman who has a messed up life will never be able to love someone fully. I say this because I've been at that place where I had too much going on on my side and thus couldn't give my 100% to a relationship.

I don't buy the "doctor asked me to break up with you" part. It's best that you break up with her. And maintain a No Contact policy, whether she hooks up with someone. Don't let her keep you as a back up plan.

[theitalianguys]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over a year. She started seeing this doctor because she said she has trust issues. The doctor told her that she should break up with me and be without me to gain trust. She did and told me she wanted to get back with me after she fixed herself. I asked her if she was going to hook up with anyone she said I plan on getting really drunk Friday and I'm not sure what's going to happen. I snapped and said she needed to leave.

A couple days go by she is telling me she misses me she loves me etc. Fast forward to Friday (yesterday) she texts me throughout the night asking me what I'm doing apparently she went on my Facebook and saw in a conversation that I was going out with a few friends. She calls me later that night tells me nothing happened and she misses me and loves me.

She calls me this morning randomly saying she wants to get back with me that she misses me and loves me so much I'm thinking everythings great. When she gets to my house she goes "i need to tell you something" apparently she got really drunk last night and hooked up with some guy at the party. She says that it was only because she was drunk and it showed her how much she REALLY loves me and wants to be with me. I had her call the kid tell him that what happened last night was only a mistake (yeah she got his number) and I told her that she is not going out to any partys any more with her slut friends (which they are) without me.

I'm really not sure what to do here. One side of me is telling me to forgive her she came clean and she really seems sorry the other said feels betrayed and crushed and just says move on.

Any advice here? :(

PS. Her friends are telling her that its okay because she was single but in my eyes she really wasn't and its not okay because she still talking to me telling me she loves me and misses me basically stringing me along.

[Homegirl 50]

You had her call him and say it was a mistake and have forbidden her her to go out with her friends and now you don't know if you even want her back. Are you serious? Maybe her being away from you will be a good thing for her. Are you always this controlling?
Leave her alone.

[Nathan000]

Hello theitalianguys, first of all I agree completely with Indya that someone who has had things in the past will not be able to focus on relationships properly, and by things I mean, trust issues, abuse, family or parent issues. I am in a bad scenario myself. The girl I am dating for 6 months says that 'she loves me but is not in love with me anymore', the same old story. But now we know what it means. When they say that, they're just not into you anymore. Sooner or later, one way or the other, it will fail. For someone going through it, it's very hard to believe it so we try to live in denial.

Coming back to your situation, it is interesting that this girl says she can't trust you fully since she has had trust issues in the past and here she wants to hang out with a bunch of dudes and possibly wants to hook up with someone and expects you to be okay with that? The part where you wrote "she hesitated a bit and said I do plan on getting really drunk friday (tonight) and I'm not really sure what is going to happen"... almost always means that something is about to happen or at least she wants something to happen. Dude, looks like she is mighty confused. What you need to do is to tell her categorically that she needs to set her priorities right and then if she can get back to you with no strings attached with anyone else then great or, you just back out completely.

What she needs to do, is get her system clean and lose the feelings (confusion and attachments to anyone else) before she comes back to you. This, on again, off again, game is not going to help either of you and you would end up being more miserable. In a time like this, there are always 2 choices, one is the logical choice and the other the emotional (weak) choice. In my opinion, you need to let her completely go and tell her to come back after a while when she is completely done with her issues and is ready to give this relationship her 100%. I doubt if it will happen, but you have a right to save yourself from this misery you are into right now. Do not ruin your days and nights worrying 'what if she hooks up with someone else'.

A major trouble with women is that they can never make up their minds about big decisions. Heck, we guys aren't any better than them. But, relationships go through hell because people don't give things a proper thought and don't always decide things firmly. Good luck to you, hope things work out for the best. If you anyway end up with a bitter taste in your mouth, remember that things will eventually be okay and you as a person will survive. Both of you are very young, take it from a guy who is almost 30, things have a way of working out. Remember one thing though, even if it doesn't work out with this girl, do not be mean to her, wish her well and move on. We sometimes say awful things because we are angry but regret them later..

[talaniman]

How old are you guys? What happened to her doctor, and trust issues? Why am I not buying her reasons or your thinking you have control over her? Its kind of simple really you believe her or you don't, you trust her or you don't.

If all her friends are sluts, why isn't she? Personally, I don't need a female I have to control, change, or don't trust.