Check out some similar questions!

scratchNmyhead · Feb 24, 2012, 03:35 PM

I feel I have a difficult situation and going to try and explain this best that I can... So here it goes.. 10 yrs ago I fell in love with a woman who also fell in love with me. Life was grand and felt complete. We know each other inside out and share this connection WE have never had with anyone else. Did I mention that I am a woman as well? OK... Getting complicated... We broke up after 4 years because she decided at the time she wasn't comfortable in her skin... So she married a guy. She was always sure of her feelings and love for me but was more concerned with what others thought and perceived her as. She's never been comfortable in her skin as long as we were together,(we were young,18 at the time) and I Understand that being gay can sometimes be more difficult for some to understand, except and embrace... This tore me apart knowing she was walking down the aisle and her heart belonging to someone else...

Well, we ended when she married but not completely. After she was married we spaced from each other for about 6 months. I started dating a guy, It was wrong for me but I needed to get over her and I thought putting my mind elsewhere would do the trick. Well we ran into each other and started a "fling" that went on for another 1 1/2 years after she married. I wasn't over it and she wasn't either. Yes I know she is married, and I still had a boyfriend. We were both wrong to do things the way we did. Well she left her husband, came out of the closet to her friends, family and husband. I was proud of her that she could actually take that step forward in her life. Embrace who she was. She was happy and felt a great deal lifted and she wasn't in the dark about who she was any longer. BUT, she found out she was pregnant; she was scared and went back. AHHH!

I didn't speak to her or see her for 3 years! I was finally over it, or so I thought. I got back into the dating scene and not one person I came across in 3 years time came close to what I had with my Ex. Connection, conversation, attraction lacked in every person I tried something with... I was OK but always felt something missing. Well one day we saw each other at a restaurant. No words exchanged other than a friendly smile and several eye glances throughout the evening. We started chatting via email and game apps on our smart phones. This continued for a couple months before our paths finally crossed again and we were sitting across from each other at dinner. We ended up spending the entire evening together, it wonderful night out. We talked, cried, apologized for things in the past. I always felt I needed closure with everything that happened and I felt I got it that night. This made me feel like a million dollars and the same for her.

More complicated? Absolutely! Well that fine evening opened the door and we have been seeing each other since. Its been a few months now. I'm still in love with her. She's still in love with me. She is scared to leave and isn't sure how. But then sometimes it feels as though she isn't going to. A part of me says she is and part of me says she is not going to. But then she will surprise me and make me re-think that this could actually work this time.

After listening to my story that I tried to skim through (which I appreciate if you have made it this far) I'm really looking for answers on what I should do. My gut tells me to hold on, be patient and be with her. It feels right, she feels right and I feel complete with her and I don't want to lose that feeling. But then when I try to think of it logically or somewhat rationally the outcome I get is to end things now before I get hurt again. Is there any advice on what I should do?

DoulaLC · Feb 24, 2012, 04:43 PM

Hi scratchNmyhead (great name!)

We can look at this without emotional attachment. Plain and simple, you are in a relationship with a married woman. You both know that this is wrong, no matter how much you love each other.

She is not available to be with you, at least not the way you would like. She has one foot in both doors, and that is not fair to you or to her husband.

I'd say, tell her how you feel, and then let her know that you need to stop seeing her on the sly, and let her work out what she wants to do. No more reconnecting... it only clouds the judgement of both of you.

Leave her alone. When you do see others, try to see them for who they are and what they bring to the relationship, instead of how they don't measure up to your exgirlfriend.

This going back and forth only forces you to continue with the heartache, the uncertainty, and to dwell on the past. Move on... you will find someone who can be with you totally... and you won't be playing a role in hurting innocent people.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 24, 2012, 06:50 PM

She it appears is still married, so gay, lesbian, straight, it does not matter, you stay away from her, you do not date, you do not have an affair.

If she wants to leave her husband ( divorce) and come back to you, that is one thing, it is not right to be doing this.

talaniman · Feb 26, 2012, 01:02 AM

The fact of the matter she is married and cheating and what do we call someone that married people do the cheating thing with? Yep Stupid.

Maybe you think being gay means it's a free pass to mess with a married person, but I don't, and probably her husband doesn't either. Hope you don't take the "stupid " remark personally. Its not intended to be but that's what the person on the side always is. STUPID, and deluded.

You want to get over her and get into a healthy relationship? Then leave her alone, and heal, and never go back and after a few years, maybe you will stop comparing and find what you are looking for, a healthy relationship with a partner that wants a life with you.