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rawr_itssonya · Feb 23, 2012, 06:24 PM

I am currently involved in a love triangle that I want nothing to do with. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years now, and we are both attending the same college and living together. We have a mutual friend who I met last semester who I literally can not stop thinking/lusting about and I have no intentions of cheating on my boyfriend, but my friend who I like keeps putting the moves on me (even though I have already told him blatantly that I like him but will not act on my primal feelings for him)... sometimes he even hits on me in front of my boyfriend and it makes me feel as if I had cheated even though I have done nothing wrong just because I feel guilty for liking the guy so damn much. I can't stop thinking of him sexually, but I want to respect my boyfriend (who I am still fully in love with)... What can I do to stop thinking about this other guy in a sexual way? I see him almost every day (in and outside of class) and we all have mutual friends so it is damn near impossible to get away from him.

P.s.- I have already tried "spicing up" my relationship with my boyfriend by going on more dates, staying away from friends as often, spending more time together, etc. Now what?

Stringer · Feb 23, 2012, 06:51 PM

HI Rawr,

Integrity in a relationship is always an intrinsic endeavor, really amounts to yourself control. And it is definitely something to be proud of in yourself. I don't want to sound elite in this point of view however it is also a point of pride.

I am an older guy that has been in many relationships over my years and I am in my second marriage which is a fantastic relationship. Many times I have been tempted and have had many opportunities but I never cheated in any relationship and that is dear to me it sums up who I am and hope to be.

I guess what I am trying to say is it is up to you and only you. Either you are a one man woman when in a relationship or you are not. There is a lot to gain if you stay faithful to him and yourself or a lot to lose should you decide not to. Even if you do not get caught, you will know.

Good luck,

Stringer

Cat1864 · Feb 23, 2012, 08:05 PM

Stop allowing him to disrespect you, your boyfriend and your relationship. Put an end to him hitting on you once and for all. If he doesn't stop, then have nothing to do with him outside of class. Tell him point blank to stop. Don't worry about his feelings or who is around. He isn't worrying about yours and he is trying to break you and your boyfriend up. I don't think that is what you want, but that is where his actions are going.

'Spicing up' your relationship with boyfriend won't work until you are doing it because you want to and without thinking about it as a way to end thoughts about the other male. Your focus is on getting rid of the thoughts and all you are doing is burying them.

Is it really the male you are attracted to or is the illicit nature of being attracted to another male? Is your boyfriend putting as much energy into the relationship as you are? What are you missing?

indya · Feb 23, 2012, 11:57 PM

I wish you hadn't revealed to him that you like him. He's probably taken that as a green signal to hit on you. Just tell him firmly that you don't want to have anything with him! And keep as much distance(both physical and emotional) from him as possible. Meet him less. Think about him less.

rawr_itssonya · Feb 24, 2012, 12:26 PM

Thank you for all of your advice and support everyone. Cat, it is more of my attraction to this particular male. I have been tempted many times before without doing anything sinister or in the cheating category, but I know that I should not like this guy and no matter how much I distance myself from him (physically and emotionally) I cannot get him out of my head. I keep having vivid sexual fantasies about him that will not go away. I don't know how to make these stop because I don't want to think about him, I just do.

indya · Feb 24, 2012, 10:35 PM

Rawr,
If you keep fantasizing about him, you will never be able to get over it. If you are consciously fantasizing then stop doing it. If it is happening subconsciously, then spot paying attention to it, or think about it over and over again.

It is just a phase. With some effort from your part, you will get over it.