[crankcaseuk]

Hi,

I'm hoping to get a woman's perspective on my relationship.

We met through a blind date organised by a mutual friend, under the premise it was "just fun" however after about 6 months (together now, nearly 10 months). It was clear we had feelings for each other after going on holiday for day breaks and having really fun times. From the offest I was told I'd never meet the children (she adores them, best mum ever!) with the same applying to my own daughter and me (she's 11) but as we grew close, she slowly let me into her life and I was introduced to the children as a friend, her eldest (14) knows we are together - but not the younger children of 4 & 10 (she hasn't met my daughter yet).

I knew on the first date behind her pretty eyes was quite a bit of pain and as time went by, her past experiences with her ex who left her with the children, due to a rather shady past has moved to another country with minimal contact since, no birthday cards/xmas presents etc.

We had a little break over xmas as her children were upset over their dad, but this only lasted a couple of days with her coming back to me, our relationship grew stronger until a couple of weeks ago I noticed a change, little more distant not so open. After asking her what's wrong to which she usually tells me she said nothing and we discussed her distance with the possibility a little space to clear our heads, taking a look at a relationship, she agreed to this but seemed upset. After a while she told me the older children had read a message from their dad promising to come back, she doesn't know whether this will happen and if he doesn't she's going to tell the kids the full story about their father, instead of trying to keep their dreams alive. She admitted this was why she wasn't herself, but we'd already discussed and agreed for space. I could see she was clearly upset as we kissed and said our goodbyes, for a short time at least.

It's been 4 days of no contact, and I'm concerned for her - not myself or the relationship.

What should I do, say I was hasty without knowing the full story and tell her I'm there for her or leave her alone?

Thanks for any advice :)

[helper123987]

You are a good man to be supportive of her during this time, and offer her the space her family needs. But if you really love her, and want this relationship to last into the future, don't you think maybe you should let her know that? Introducing her to your daughter would be a great way to start. And if her children are still upset about their father, you can never take his place, but you can offer yourself as a strong male role-model to them. Don't let her children, or your own, control the relationship because this relationship is primarily between you and her. But be sure to respect the children in the process and keep your relationship appropriate around them. Good luck!

[talaniman]

Leave her alone guy, to handle whatever business she has to. I know you are concerned but do as she has asked and give her space. 4 days is hardly enough and when she is ready she will let you know.

I think her, her kids, and baby daddy, have much past business to resolve so stay out of it.

[indya]

I agree with talaniman,


Give her space and stay out of it, she must have some unfinished business to take care of. Best thing to do is let her solve it out on her own.