[target_analysis]

About two hours ago, my girlfriend of two years just informed me that she got drunk at a bar last night, went home with some guy, and had sex with him. She's very sorry, assures me it won't happen again, etc. She still loves me, only did it because she was **** faced, was feeling unattractive and insecure around me, as we have not been having sex with any sort of regularity this past year. She realized her mistake immediately in the morning when she sobered up and is willing to do anything to fix it. That's all swell and all, but my trust is feeling a bit violated.

I'm having troubles processing this whole thing. I do feel angry. I feel like I could use a good cry right now, but it's not happening. I tried when she was in the room after telling me, but I couldn't get the tears to appear.

I've only been able to cry once in the past decade, the day before I went to basic training. I've consistently had a mental block prohibiting me from doing so until that point. The day before I went to basic training, my dad drove out two hours from home to where I lived in San Diego to help me do some last minute shopping for some essentials I needed in boot camp. We had a good day of bonding and whatnot, and after he left, I realized that I had left everything I bought in his car. The flood gates immediately opened, and I was on the floor curled up in a ball weeping for my daddy. Apparently, going to basic training so suddenly had taken its toll on my psyche. That was the first time I cried in a decade, and I have not cried since these four years later. I'm not sure if that means anything at the moment.

Since I moved to Los Angeles a couple of years ago, I haven't been able to create a strong circle of friends. I moved up for her essentially, and I'm realizing how very alone I am at the moment. I'm not sure what I should be doing about this situation, what emotions I should be experiencing. I have no idea what my next course of action will be. I only feel the urge to run from this place, at least for now.

Part of me wishes that she had done this two weeks ago. I just moved into a new apartment one week ago, put down the deposit and everything. I was laid off a month ago, hired back from the same company for a weekend only position. I have no strong network of friends up here to speak of. I thought she was enough.

My friends are mostly two hours away, I can be as underemployed there as I am here, because I don't know if I have it in me to forgive. I don't want to **** over my roommate either one week into this new apartment. I can just allow myself to keep loving my girlfriend, forgive, and not be completely alone in the world. This has been far my longest relationship I have ever had. I could try to use this as a learning experience, use this to make our bond stronger, more honest.

Or I could give in to the rage and flee back to my comfort zone.

I don't know what to do.

[xadmin]

I am sorry that you have to go through this difficult situation at a time like this. Since the trust in the relationship has been violated. It cannot be repaired. You must be strong and move on from this relationship. It's a direct answer and might be hard to do at this moment, but it's a way to let your heart heal

[SoftSummer]

Look, at this point you can't really think about what anyone else thinks or feels whether it be your girlfriend, your room mate, or whomever. You don't have time to be considering other people's feelings because yours were disregarded. I feel like a change of scenery would be nice for the time being so you can just really think with a clear mind. Maybe ask one of your friends that live 2 hours away if you could crash at their place for a week or even a weekend just to kind of take time with your thoughts.

You're obviously hurt by this. Who wouldn't be? When you were describing your reaction and the whole lack of tears, it's just a further indication that you're still in shock mode. There are a lot of feelings present that you're probably unfamiliar with, and you may not be at a place to deal with them. But I really hope you get a good cry in. It's a release. It's a good a thing in this situation.

There have been so many relationships that have overcome infidelity and have gotten so much stronger as a result. But if you guys try to work it out, you need to be willing to 100% let it go and you'll have to sit down with her and discuss in detail why it happened, what makes her so sure she won't do it again, and make her lay out the precautions she'll take in the future from this point forward. This wasn't a small offense. She didn't forget to pay a light bill. She cheated. But, as I said, it's conquerable. It's just up to you whether that will make you happy.

[mmresd]

This is not something easy to deal with. But I will be extremely straight forward with my answer.

You break up with her, erase her from everything, throw away anything that reminds you deeply of her, sign up at a gym, call old girl friend/guy friends, and have a good time. If you feel like crying, cry. Let it out, and make sure that you cut complete contact. Eventually, you will be back to normal, but only if you do what I just wrote above, you change anything, it will take you longer.

[DoulaLC]

I'd say don't do anything just yet. Allow yourself some time to come to terms with what happened. At some point you will be better able to decide whether you want to invest more into the relationship, and work at making it better, or that it is not the long term relationship you want and better to just end it now. Trust can be rebuilt, but it takes time and effort on the part of both partners.

She would need to be willing to do all that she can to assure you that it won't happen again. She would need to be willing to answer questions that you may have. That she came to you to tell you what happened and apologize shows a great deal as she could have very well said nothing.

You will need to be open and honest with her as well. Together figure out where the relationship was, and where you want it to go. What changes need to be made. What do the two of you need and want from each other in the relationship.

For many, infidelity will tear a relationship apart. For some, it can cause them to take a hard look at themselves and at how they relate to each other and move in a new direction together.

You won't ever forget, but you can forgive IF you are given the chance to understand why it happened.

If, after some time, you feel that either of you doesn't want to put in the work that it will take, and many people don't, then you end it. For many people, once that trust is broken, they just don't want to try to rebuild it. They can't imagine ever being able to get to that point nor do they want to. Or the other person isn't able to be open and honest about what they did and why; they might want to pretend it didn't happen and not have it brought up, which only continues the pain, confusion, and mistrust. Not what anyone wants in a relationship.

I am so sorry that you have had this experience. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

[talaniman]

For now you let the dust settle, get your own feelings under control, and figure what YOU want to do. When you have had the time to figure that out then you can discuss this honestly.

That you are confused and stressed is normal, and understandable. That you have not acted out of fear, and anger is also a GREAT sign that you are thoughtful. But you are still human, and a confused hurt one at that. To my thinking there is no excuse for cheating, or getting drunk and cheating, but the way forward, if there is one, is through calm, honest communications, and a willingness to learn and do better on both your parts.

If this doesn't happen, there is no point. I think you have to recognize how fragile your happiness is that's so dependent on another flawed, and weak human being. That's an issue to be addressed also.