[titanic2011]

I met a girl 2 months ago and we dated and seen each other at least once a week. Two weeks ago we hung out for 3 days straight and sleptover (sex, yada) each others houses. When I asked to make it exclusive she said she wanted to get to know each other better. She also said she would not date anyone else. Just recently she said she didn't want me to date anyone else, but still not exclusive yet.

She went out to a friends (never really gave me details when I asked) and was very vague on texts. When she's out she texts quite a bit but this time was different. Said she would call me when she got home but didn't, which was strange. I woke up early AM and gave her a call to make sure she was OK, but nothing.

Not sure what to think.

[Schoolmarm97]

It sounds to me as if she's having a hard time deciding what she wants from you. She wants YOU to only date her, but SHE doesn't want to only date you. Very confused lady, or she's playing you like a violin. Only you can tell. And only you can decide how you want this relationship to go. If you're okay with the craziness, then you might let it ride for a bit and see where it goes. But if she's sleeping around (which you kind of think she might be, if I'm reading between the lines correctly), you'll want to avoid sex with her for a bit... like until you're sure she's not bringing you "gifts" you don't want.

[Cat1864]

Today 08:06 AM
Titanic2011 What to think?

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I met a girl 2 months ago and we dated and seen each other at least once a week. Two weeks ago we hung out for 3 days straight and sleptover (sex, yada) each others houses. When I asked to make it exclusive she said she wanted to get to know each other better. She also said she would not date anyone else. Just recently she said she didn't want me to date anyone else, but still not exclusive yet.

She went out to a friends (never really gave me details when I asked) and was very vague on texts. When she's out she texts quite a bit but this time was different. Said she would call me when she got home but didn't, which was strange. I woke up early AM and gave her a call to make sure she was OK, but nothing.

Not sure what to think.

It sounds like you have agreed to be exclusive without being committed. You have agreed to only date each other but you haven't agreed to call it anything more than dating. At two months, this sounds like it may be a wise idea. Do you know anything about her background and if she has a history of rushing into relationships that she should have walked away from instead?

Remember that you have only known her for two months. You really don't know as much about her habits or life as you would after six months or a year. There will be, if the relationship continues, learning about her friends and her interactions with them.

I can think of reasons other than seeing another male (as in dating, since you don't say whether her friend is male or female) for her to not be as forthcoming and available as you are used to her being. One of those reasons is giving support to a friend who is going through a trying time. Some people are very private about issues with family, partners, friends or even jobs.

Give her a chance to contact you. Talk to her face-to-face and then decide what to think. Right now you are jumping to conclusions with very few facts. Be careful that your imagination doesn't lead you to the wrong conclusion.

One other thought, if you are already having trust issues, you might want to back away from her now before emotions really get involved.

[mmresd]

Maybe her phone has run out of baterry and she sleeped at a girlfriend's place? Calm down, stop jumping to conclusions, see how things go. You need to control your emotions, she will get in contact with you, stop smothering her, when she does you can simply ask her if she wants to be exclusive again, if she seems undecisive AGAIN, then maybe you need to consider that she is not into you the same way you are into her.

[titanic2011]

I've been seeing this girl for 2 months. She says she has only been dating me, but we are not exclusive. We are not BF/GF. She has met my family and some relatives. She said she cannot be exclusive (even though at times she agrees we are because obviously we are not seeing other people and has called me boyfriend on different occasions) until I meet some of her family and everything is good. She said the next person she is in a relationship with is the person she wants to marry. So because we are not exclusive, that still gives me the vibe it's free to date. When I tell her jokingly that I might go on a date, she says that she is not going to be the girl that says I cannot, since she has has not given me a clear answer on being exclusive but she is not dating anyone else nor wants to. At the same time she jokes and says I better not kiss the other girl.

What to think of this? Just let it ride out? Keep seeing her, acting like we are bf/gf without the title, enjoy our time together and see if in time she accepts that?

[I wish]

If she's serious that she wants her next relationship to be her last, that means she's going to need more time to get to know you better.

You're in a position where she wants to get to get closer to you without any commitment. I think she's fair in saying that you're free to date other people, because she hasn't fully committed to you.

Dating is the time to get to know each other better to see if you're compatible wit each other. One good thing is that your feelings are out in the open, so you can be more honest with her instead of hiding your feelings.

Focus on getting to know each other better and having fun together. Things will flow naturally from there. Either you are drawn closer to each other to the point where you start a serious relationship or you drift apart because you realize that you're not good for each other.

At least you know that when she commits to you, she's going to be serious about the relationship. The question is, are you ready to start a serious relationship with her right away? Sounsd to me she's making a very good decision by giving both of you a chance to get closer to see where it leads.

[queenofGod]

This is my opinion. To me, it's like she has you on a string. When she wants YOU she's there but when you want HER and she's not interested, she pulls away. Because she can't make up her mind, because she doesn't know what she wants, and because it seems to be pulling you in to many directions, I would suggest you find a woman who can. =) Unless you want be a "friend with benefits".- butin this case- none.

[talaniman]

I think you just relax and let go of those unreal expectations and stop chasing her so hard. Its only been two months and I think the sex has sprung you or something, because its way to soon to give your heart to a stranger that obviously is in no hurry to give hers away so soon.

That doesn't mean you go along with everything she says either, and should do your own thing still. At least get a proper perspective into who, and what you are dealing with, and not just follow the intense emotions that you have developed.

Good sex is no excuse to lose your head my friend.

[titanic2011]

So 2 weeks have gone by.. We spent the last 2 weekends together. I mean ALL weekend. I met more of her friends and everything. Then the topic came up again. The exclusive comment. She is still on the same page of what she has said before.. I don't get it.

She's not ready for commitment it seems yet she says she only wants to and plans on dating me and we literally act like girlfriend boyfriend. The other problem is she has her guard up, and mine was down from the start. So clearly I'm more into it than her. I briefly saw her for valentines day evening but then she had prior work engagements.

We have plans this Fri for a double date, but if we don't end up doing the double date she seemed like she just wanted to do her own thing lay low, and the rest of the weekend she is busy.

Right now I feel a slight form of distance from her. Maybe it's because I told her I loved her. She told me the same 3 weeks ago and then recently that was cleared up as she loves me, but not in love with me. I'm thinking I should back off a little and see what happens..

[talaniman]

That's a great idea, what's the hurry??

[titanic2011]

Afraid to lose her.. and her think I'm not interested. And the fact that I opened up so much, then I would put up a wall and we would be taking steps backwards.

[I wish]

Trust yourself a little more than that. You showed her how you feel and you opened up to her. Now let her digest everything and see how she reacts. You don't need to push as much as you think if you trust yourself.

When she's ready, you will become a couple. If she doesn't end up with you, it won't be because you didn't do enough. If you don't end up together, it means you probably would have broken up anyway even if you got together.

As long as you show her how you feel, the ball is on her side of the court to make the next move.

[titanic2011]

Well she digested her answer. She said that she is not ready for a committed relationship. She was shocked when I love you was said. No longer wants to hang out ALL weekends, just maybe one day on the weekend. She wants me to date other people if I want to, since she is not committing, and will not anytime soon. She wants to take a step back and casually date, and is not interested in dating someone else, but if she goes to the bar and meets someone, she isn't going to say she is seeing someone. She doesn't want to have to 'report' to someone after going out, and feeling bad if she doesn't check in as she put it. This weekend it doesn't look like we are going to see each other as she feels she has neglected a lot of her friends, and even though I met a number, she wants to spend time with these other ones, bars, etc, and doesn't care for me to join and if I ran into her she didn't seem like much would be said. Screw that.

She has a lot going on with her life, including school that she needs to finish.

So when I look at this from a distant, I see 2 angles. First angle being she wants a relationship but just not with me, so she says she is not ready. Second angle, she really isn't ready, and wants to figure herself out first before being committed.

So I don't think I will be as available to her. I will not be basing my schedule around her. I will not be frantically ensuring she is OK after a drive home from work and expecting her call or trying to reach out. I won't wait until last minute to make other plans thinking she will want to hang out, nor will I even ask her to hang out anymore. And lastly I will not be answering every call or txt the moment I get them.

Thoughts?

[Schoolmarm97]

Sorry to hear her "digestion" turned out so unhappily for you. You definitely see the light now and should be moving on. It sounds as if you're more than ready for a committed relationship, and some lucky woman is waiting for you. Go look for her!

[I wish]

Seems more like the first one: "She's not ready for a relationship with you."

Even if it was the second one, the fact that she's telling you to go for other people means that she's willing to let you be with someone else. If she's willing to let you go, then she's ready to move on to someone else if someone else comes along.

[titanic2011]

I went distant for 2 days and during that time she thought something had happened to me. She had left me a few voicemails and texts. She had a day planned with her extended family and ended up canceling that since she thought something had happened, so she said in a voicemail that she was coming over. Regardless, I called back and let her know I was OK, just needed some space to think, and she decided she wanted to come see me anyway.

So we talked and basically the next person she gets exclusive with is the person she wants to marry. To her exclusive bf/gf is a different meaning then what most people think. She is not ready for that relationship yet.. She said she doesn't want to date anyone else but me, because she doesn't really want to date, except made an exception to me because I just happened. She is not ready to commit because she just wants time to herself. At the same time she does want to continue seeing me.

I don't get it as to me if you are only wanting to date someone, then you are exclusive. She said it's OK if I go on a date, but jokingly says no touching. She also said she wants me to get to know her more. Certain things she will not change. Like she still see's some of her X's here and there, and grabs dinner with them.

So I dontknow what to think really..

[I wish]

Sounds to me that she wants to really get to know you better before starting a relationship. She laid out the ground rules, so it's up to you if you want to go along with it. Your choice would be to spend some time to get to know her. Why not take the same approach as her, the next relationship you get into will be the one you marry. We can't predict the future, but it means that both of you would be looking for something serious.

Which would mean that if you start a relationship with her, it will be serious right away.

[talaniman]

She gets to keep her options open and date whomever she pleases, and so do you. That's fair. But when they start making rules for you to live by thats not fair is it? Thats something that you should NEVER allow. Pretty clear guy that instead of being confused, you should be cautious and not get wrapped up in having her to be anything but an occasional friendly date.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18 to 80. Blind, cripple or crazy!

She doesn't know you well enough to be exclusive as a romantic partner. Time will take care of that if you yourself don't make her the object of obsession. Obviously you both have different ideas of dating. So don't get stuck on someone that's not as stuck on you.

[titanic2011]

Things have been strange past few weeks. We saw each other still and hung out. This past weekend some guy flew in and stayed at her place. She said it was her close family friend. When I tried to meet them out she gave me the run around. Pretty suspicious to me. She hasn't said a single thing to me at all today, which is very odd because usually in the morning she would text. Last night I called her out on a guy that is supposively a 'family' friend coming to visit. That was the last interaction.

I think this is done. Think I should ask for the necklace back? Some strange feeling tells me she will contact me once the guy leaves tomorrow, but I think I'm exhausted emotionally from all this.

I also forgot to mention she has been very distant physically this past 2 weeks

[talaniman]

You are stuck, she is not. She is having fun doing her thing. You are NOT! You want exclusive commitment, she ain't going for that at all.

She simply isn't going for your plan, so adjust, or leave it alone. Go get your own plan!