[poppyseedmuffin]

After about two months into our relationship, my boyfriend found out his ex was pregnant. I was thrown off guard by the news, but I toughed it out because I saw potential. We have now been together 7 months and am still in shock. Mostly by his eagerness to jump right into another relationship after his girlfriend ran away. Maybe that should have been my first sign to run as well.

The baby will be due in less than a month and I think we're both still freaking out. He will be taking responsibility for his child as he should and I will support him in anyway that I can. The problem is this, the ex girlfriend is not the most stable person. She has no job, she has emotional disorders and is a compulsive liar. Her delusions of them getting back together and her constant threats have been taking a toll on my relationship with MY boyfriend. I have been understanding thus far, but have been weary about knowing who to trust. He says she's crazy and says I'm the one he's with, but "Crazy" calls and he does everything to hide me. She still doesn't know about me and I don't think it's fair to her. Especially if I'm going to be in this baby's life.

Is my boyfriend doing the right thing in keeping me a secret from her? Am I an idiot for putting myself through this?

*sigh* sorry my thoughts are so scattered. Been so emotionally drained. Just found out she was at his parents house on thanksgiving..

[Fr_Chuck]

Sound like he is trying to have his cake and pie both, not telling her about you leaves him free with her. Sorry but makes you wonder what he is doing with her, he is not telling you about.

He needs to "man up" and tell her about you, and tell her not to call him anymore, And no, her ideas of them together is not crazy, if she does not know he is with someone.

He needs to file for visitation with the child ( not with the mother) when the child is born.

[talaniman]

Mostly by his eagerness to jump right into another relationship after his girlfriend ran away. Maybe that should have been my first sign to run as well.

You hit it on the head. This is a real red flag, that should never have been ignored, as is this,

She still doesn't know about me and I don't think it's fair to her. Especially if I'm going to be in this baby's life.

Even you can see the problems with this assumption. You have put yourself so in the middle of their business, you fail to recognize he isn't handling HIS business in a fair honest way.

My advice is stop tripping over what he has to do, now and in the future, and stay away from this situation until its settled. You have allowed yourself to get to involved in 7 months, and I won't call you an idiot, but a female that's so in love she is blinded by facts.

Talaniman Rule - Stay away from people who have just broken up with some one.

Talaniman Rule - Stay away from any one who has an ex still in there lives.

Talaniman Rule - Never give your heart to a stranger, who hasn't proved they deserved it, or know what to do with it

Your misery is just starting, and will get much worse. Just wait until she finds out you do exist. That's when the fireworks start. And after 7 months, you are and will find out more about him than you knew before.

To much, to fast, crash and burn.

The heart you save may be your own, so protect yourself.

[poppyseedmuffin]

You're right it's not crazy for her to think that, but that is why I keep telling him to tell her. She's "crazy" in different ways. He said that he's very clear about never wanting to be with her and that he wants nothing to do with her except a civil relationship for the sake of the child to come. His reasoning for not telling her about me is to save the drama. Apparently she will go nuts over the news and probably show up at his house and try to start a fight with him and myself. I just want everything out in the open so there will be less drama in the future. Once the baby is born, it's just going to be harder. He's afraid that if she finds out about me, she won't let him see the baby(which she threatens to do all the time if she doesn't get her way). I keep telling him she can't legally do that just because he wants to. She's nuts, he's just trying to make everyone happy but is being pushed around by her and I'm getting caught in the middle. We're with each other everyday except when he's working or I'm in class. In the past, he didn't tell me about seeing her, such as getting her food, unless I askedhim about it. He has fessed up about everything but he should be honest with me upfront so I don't have to be paranoid. She has tried to wreck his car while he was driving her to the store one time. It's her I don't trust. His refusal to tell her about me also makes me uneasy. Am I missing something here? I feel like there's something I'm not seeing. Like I'm being played or I'm just over reacting.

[poppyseedmuffin]

Thanks talaniman. You've given me lots to think about. It's funny because those are all things I knew and know in my heart. I have even talked to him about my doubts and joked about me being his rebound. He talks about wanting to be with me forever and he has this dying fear that I am going to leave him. There's something about not being able to leave or give up on something that needs you like a puppy. I know I deserve better but can't get myself to reach for it