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con_fusion · Jan 2, 2012, 12:02 AM

We met summer before college, we are both 18, and I love her more than anything else and she loves me more than I love her, but one day we got to talking about each others past ad I told her that she was my first, and she told me that I was her 7th... and I know that it's her past and I have her now, and it's not that bad, every time I start to get worked up about the six before I just think about holding her in my arms an it goes away, but I want to get this issue comepletely out of my head. Her first was when she was fifteen and they dated for about 7 months, the second was a rebound the day after the first broke up with her, the third I know nothing about, the 4th was her senior year boyfriend, the 5th was a jerk she met over the summer before she and I started dating who she thought loved her, and the 6th I know about but cannot tell anyone else because of how bad it was. It's not that big of an issue, but it's reoccurring in my head so I'm seeking advice to get it out completely or front it and gain control of it. As always thank you.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 2, 2012, 01:24 AM

You seem to be obsessed by it, you even had to name them here, no one here cares who they were, just the number was ll that was needed.

She is with you, but if you can't come to grip with it, soon there will be number 8. And the older you get, the more ex's people you meet will have.

talaniman · Jan 2, 2012, 06:29 PM

Accept her past, or leave her alone, focus on NOW, not the past. Or else you are not ready for a healthy adult relationship, and shouldn't be in one.

If its not a big deal, then don't make it one.

jonny_doe · Jan 8, 2012, 10:50 PM

As someone who went through a similar situation, I can relate to the feeling. Im guessing you haven't had any other partners, or at least not 6. I think first off you should be glad she trusts you enough to tell you, she could've lied, but by telling you it shows that she invests enough trust in you to share these secrets (especially #6). She told you these things because she thinks you'll accept her for all she is, getting hung up on it only means she was wrong in doing that. When it all comes down to it, like you said it's not a big deal, and you just have to remember that. Sometimes, you got to look through coal to find a diamond, maybe if it weren't for those other cruddy ones she wouldn't know how good you are by contrast. Also these past relationships have run their course, don't let what these guys did in the past mess up what you've got going now, and will have in the future, it's not fair to either of you. You can't change what she did, all you can do is continue with your relationship, dwelling on it won't help you at all. Remember you're not the first guy in this situation, and you won't be the last.

Hope it helps

talaniman · Jan 9, 2012, 09:43 AM

Some times partners watch us to see how we handle ourselves in situations, and with information. So no matter what you are feeling, or dealing with, don't let it stop you from putting your best foot forward.

texastoast22 · Feb 16, 2012, 05:33 PM

I am in a similar situation. I am in college, and my GF (1 year) had been with 8 guys before. I had only been with 1 girl before. The best thing you can do is realize that if you become the best option available, then you will look better than all the other guys she dated.
This means. Not being a jerk, but not being too nice or needy.
Basically the more mature and manly you become, the more attracted she will be to you.
And this will reassure you that she considers you above all her previous hook-ups, which will help you to stop worrying.
Also, talk with her about what you can do to become the man in bed that she has always dreamed about.

mmresd · Feb 16, 2012, 07:48 PM

I think everyone goes through this to some extent, I know I have. But how much you decide to think about it is your choice. Just concentrate on positive thoughts, so what if there were other people before you... you are the winner man, you are the one that has her now, and even though you didn't get to share with her one especial experience (her losing her virginity) there are PLENTY more to come, make them come true. She doesn't think about them, so why should you?