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BWM12 · Feb 15, 2012, 04:10 PM

I've been dating this girl for awhile and I want to marry her and I want her to feel the same pleasure between the sheets as I do but for some reason I can't. I have tried everything I can think of but nothing works she can make herself but for some reason she can't when she's having sex and she say its fine she's never had one during sex and it doesn't bother her but it bothers me I can't stand knowing I can't give her anything better someone please help me!

milly234 · Feb 15, 2012, 08:07 PM

You can't change it. Maybe try different positions or what not. Explore abit on what she likes to do and do more of that. Maybe when you have sex focus more on her pleasure and less of your own. But do understand that sometimes that's just the way it is and you can't change that.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 15, 2012, 09:35 PM

Many women do not have organism during intercourse. Do you get her there before you start. You do this by having her tell you what she likes and how she wants you to do it.

Cat1864 · Feb 15, 2012, 09:49 PM

Many women do not climax during intercourse. It isn't a failure on your part or hers. It is normal. Some women do find it easier with extra stimulation from fingers or a toy, but that is something for you to discuss with your partner.

Don't allow yourself to make her orgasm about you and what you can or can't do. That puts pressure on both of you and actually makes it more difficult for her to climax.

but it bothers me I can't stand knowing I can't give her anything better someone please help me!

If she masturbates and can bring herself to orgasm, then she may be able to show/guide you to help her climax. However, if this about you and having issues with her past, then she probably won't be able to climax with you because you aren't focusing on the pleasure but on winning some contest.

Now, about the female and orgasm. It begins in the brain. If our brains aren't into it, then our bodies have a harder time following. Arousal and climax begin long before we get close to taking our clothes off. It comes from our brains remembering and anticipating. Memories triggered by caresses, looks, smells, glances, etc. Let it build up naturally over time.

We are fully capable of enjoying the scenery on the journey and while orgasm can feel good, it isn't the main goal for many of us. She has told you she enjoys sex with you even without an orgasm. Believe her. If you don't then it is telling her that you think an orgasm is more important than being with her. It may not be the message you mean to send, but that is how she will begin to interpret the message if you keep trying to 'make' her have an orgasm during sex and ignore what she is trying to tell you.

Good luck. Relax and enjoy the journey.

Wondergirl · Feb 15, 2012, 09:54 PM

To echo Cat, you don't "get her to have an orgasm." That's not how it works.

Most women won't have an orgasm with penetration. Sexual stimulation is in her mind, her emotions, and will begin hours before intercourse. What you say, how you treat her, how you smell, how you look, all affect how she thinks and feels about you and begin the process. For a woman, sexual stimulation is a very gradual process and may have nothing to do with sex.

Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, lightly running your finger under her bra strap, gently stroking her jawline might give her tingles and thrills. Massaging her hand might help. Nibbling the soft skin at the base of her neck and under her ears might move things along.

Ask her what turns her on.

BWM12 · Feb 15, 2012, 10:26 PM

Thank all of you and to cat1864 I just want her to feel the same pleasure as she makes me feel I don't me to make it about me I really appreciate your help

Alty · Feb 15, 2012, 10:27 PM

Silly question everyone. I've been away from AMHD for a while. Are we not asking users their age anymore in adult sexuality before we answer their question?

Wondergirl · Feb 15, 2012, 10:30 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

Silly question everyone. I've been away from AMHD for a while. Are we not asking users their age anymore in adult sexuality before we answer their question?

On the AS board (in colors!) --

Please read this before posting in Adult Sexuality

You must be over 18 years of age to post questions or answers in this area of AskMeHelpDesk.com. If your post or your profile indicates that you are under 18 years of age, your post will be removed.

Alty · Feb 15, 2012, 10:43 PM

Thanks WG. But that sticky was always there and we still had to ask age before we could respond.

But if that's the new rule, I'm glad to know it. :)

Cat1864 · Feb 16, 2012, 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by BWM12

Thank all of you and to cat1864 I just want her to feel the same pleasure as she makes me feel I don't me to make it about me I really appreciate your help

She does feel the same pleasure. Just in a different way.

You say that you want to marry her. That means you love her, right? Then you are giving her something that no one else can give her. Your love. Your affection. You are sharing an intimacy with her that is unique to the two of you.

Explore her mind (and yours) as much as you do each other's bodies. Talk with her about fantasies, likes and dislikes. Don't try to be too serious about it. It shouldn't be an interrogation. Instead, let it get playful or passionate depending on where the thoughts take you.

Enjoy the journey of exploration and experimentation. She is.

waves · Feb 27, 2012, 07:33 PM

Try talking to her in bed, making her laugh, kissing her, holding her very tightly, looking into her eyes, making a connection through your actions - no speeches needed! Women like to feel like a woman in bed so be gentle but remember to be powerful and strong too - lots of the passion that you both already feel, caressing, hard and soft. I'm sure you will have great orgasms together - enjoy every inch of each other's bodies and don't be in a hurry or shy. She wants what you want WITH YOU!

JudyKayTee · Feb 28, 2012, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by waves

Try talking to her in bed, making her laugh, kissing her, holding her very tightly, looking into her eyes, making a connection through your actions - no speeches needed! Women like to feel like a woman in bed so be gentle but remember to be powerful and strong too - lots of the passion that you both already feel, caressing, hard and soft. I'm sure you will have great orgasms together - enjoy every inch of each other's bodies and don't be in a hurry or shy. She wants what you want WITH YOU!

I not so sure that making a person laugh, talking to her, looking into her eyes, causes an orgasm.

It's a physical response to a physical action.

OP needs to ask his partner what she needs or wants. She seems perfectly content with the situation. He is not.

I wouldn't talk the issue to death or she will simply withdraw.

Kahani Punjab · Feb 28, 2012, 08:50 AM

BWM 12,

Let me welcome to you to this beautiful site, first!

Dear, I personally feel that there can be a number of things that can turn on a woman, but the 'touch' therapy is the best. It is something which EXCITES her. Ask her where SHOULD you touch her to make her feel good, exciter or ON. Moreover, talk to her, about the thikgs which she likes to hear, and the things should be more about what you do not talk in the open. I think you got my point.