[beeer]

I'm tired,I loved her so much,I'm hurt,can't stop thinking of her since almost 6 years,I donno why!
We were friends at the beginning hanged out had so many conversations,but it felt weird cause sometimes I felt like she doesn't really care for me when we're not together,but when I see her she's so caring loving beautiful,I could see that she's trying to tell me something like she's in to me but I couldn't understand I've never been in love before,I ignored all the signs... but we exchanged emails so when she left home I could still send her messages telling her everything about me and how much I miss her,sometimes she respond,sometimes she ignore it...
2 years later after being apart I realized that she had feelings for me so I wrote her a letter saying how sorry I am and that she's great person and I wish she found someone to make her happy and love her,she answered that she's not in love neither dating and she spent few months ending it with one guy...
One month later I realized that I was in love with her,I asked my friends so many questions about it and they told that I'm in denial witch was the case,but she's so far away and guess she moved on she doesn't even send me messages first... so I thought that she doesn't really care,then I didn't contact her for 7 months,but one day I cried so much I felt that she's near me,I had strong feeling that... I'll meet her where I live,I went to the street for hours looking for her no result but finally I decided that I should give up and go home,I got on a bus she was there but didn't recognize her,she kept looking at me when I'm not looking,I could notice her thinking do I know that girl, she looks like the girl that I'm in love with but cause she was wearing sun glasses,thought she can't be her,then I talked to a girl had good talk,the girl with sun glasses got mad,when she got out the bus I could tell that it's her... I saw her 3 times twice riding car,once in a shop,she keeps looking at me but I don't recognize her but later when she's gone,I sent her letter 3 months later,told her what happened and that I'm not hurt that she didn't tell me she was coming...
She denied everything,then she told me about one guy and she's in love,and she would tell me if she was coming,and busy she is and she still misses me... we talked through skype,she really wanted to talk because I sent her a short movie about someone I really like... She was so caring and asked me about marriage and dating and my feelings and friends,family,job,my plan for the future, but I didn't confess my feeling just talked about it as if it's someone else!
I were devastated she knew how depressed I am cause of love,she offered to talk whenever she's online,I agreed and since then I haven't seen her online,few days ago I decided that she has the right to know and I won't keep silent because I want to see if there's anything there,and I really feel guilty for everything.
I asked her to talk about something that I believe she want to know,I wanted to know her opinion but nothing,I feel that I live an illusion.

[mmresd]

You feel that way because you are. You are living in a fantasy, something you are completely obsessed over. If it seems like you cannot forget a woman you have never really been with in the first place, and your mind is starting to see her everywhere, I would recommend seeking professional help, or maybe find some codependancy groups around your area.