[E_x_tina]

I dated this guy for 5 months and we've been friends for about a year. Here lately he's had a lot of things going on in his environment that's just really causing a lot of stress on his life. Last two weeks have been weird with him and I. He's been more distant and usually he's just absolutely crazy about me, but the last two weeks he'll have good days and he'll have days where he wants to see me, but doesn't seem happy. He's not happy with anything right now and he says he doesn't know what's going on with him. I think he's depressed, but he refuses to say he's depressed.

Everyone has always said how happy we look and how happy we make each other. Well, the other day he came over and he was being distant again. Later, I asked him to come over again to have a talk. I asked if he was happy and he said no, but right now I'm not happy with anything and I can't even make myself happy. He told me that sometimes he doesn't like me. He also said he wants to want to be with me and he didn't want to hurt me. I want to be with him still and I don't believe him when he says that he doesn't want to be with me.

I think that he wants a break until his life starts looking up. We haven't talked in two days and we have at least talked every single day. He still has things at my place and I'm waiting until the right time to ask him to come pick it up and use that as an opportunity to sit down and talk to him about it all. Is this a smart move? What should I say?

[talaniman]

For whatever reason he doesn't want to communicate he is hurting you with his attitude and taking his problems out on you with no explanation. I know how it feels to be shut out of someone's life and you are concerned, and only want to help, but I think you let him stew for a while before you get into his head again.

Maybe you guys are better friends than dating partners, but its him than cannot find it in himself to talk out his concerns and trying to get him to open up only makes him defensive and pushes him away. Seems like that's what he wants, so if he doesn't reach out to you, then you have little choice but to honestly tell him that limbo is not the place you want to be as he struggles with whatever.

I would say 5 months of dating is a good time to re evaluate where this relationship is headed. See what happens in a week, and then make a decision. I think it best to start being a good listener, and let him do the talking. If he is still Mr. Sourpuss, then give him his stuff, and let him go make someone else miserable.

[E_x_tina]

I ended up asking him to come over on Monday and we talked like nothing was different. I asked immediately if he thought we made the right decision and he just looked down, shrugged, and said he didn't know. Then, I went on to apologize for the way I behaved sometimes ( I would get jealous about stupid stuff or aggravated easily [not the entire dating, but since he quit his job a month ago]). He asked if he was mean and I told him sometimes. I knew he didn't mean to be like that and he was like "I was just wondering if I was because I couldn't tell how I was acting sometimes." We just talked and laughed for a while and he gave me the look of "I'm still happy with you" look (if you know what I'm talking about then you'll know what it looks like). Eventually, I asked if he thinks we could work on things and he told me "right now, I don't think it's good for me to be in a relationship, but as far as later on, idk." Long story short, he ended up staying here for like almost TWO AND A HALF FREAKING HOURS! He said he was going to leave three times, but each time he would either just sit there or he got up and sat right back down on my bed. I asked if he wanted his stuff and he said no and said that he's going to keep his blanket I made him here for now because he didn't want snow to get on it... When he finally did leave, he let me button up his hat and we hugged. We talked on Valentine's Day, but nothing intimate. I haven't tried to reach out to him since and same goes for him. I don't plan to go over to his place (he lives with two of my other friends) for a couple weeks and I can't get him out of my mind. What do you think?