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Sghandwdrc · Dec 1, 2011, 08:03 AM

My boyfriend and I are living togther, both 19. We have been together for 3 years now, and he has NEVER gotten soft on me before. The other night he got soft on me in the middle of intercourse. He felt bad and swore it wasn't because of me. etc. This is the first time it has ever happened. He wanted to "nut,***" earlier but he didn't, instead he kept on. We had intercourse longer than we usually do, could that be it? Or what? Help.

Gryphyn34 · Dec 2, 2011, 01:10 PM

First, don't panic. It happens to all men at some point. It could be anything. Stress, sickness, or his body just telling him "Nope .. I don't wanna!". It can happen at any age (although admittedly less so when in teens or 20s). Also, alcohol, drugs, smoking, caffeine can have an effect on erections as well.
No, your part in this is not to make a big deal. Don't bring it up unless he does. It's not something that he may want to have a discussion about. A stray thought may have creeped into his head when you guys were going at it that made him soft. No biggie. It happens. Now if it happens on a regular basis then something obviously is bothering him. But since it happened once, I wouldn't worry about it.

JudyKayTee · Dec 2, 2011, 03:12 PM

One episode wouldn't trouble me but if it's troubling you enough to ask the question I would talk to HIM - out of bed, calmly. You presumably talk about other problems in the relationship. Talk about this one. It isn't anybody's "fault." It's just something that happened. If it becomes routine, yes, I'd be concerned.

But ask him if you are worried.

For whatever reason people in a relationship talk about all sorts of issues but seem to be reluctant to talk about sex, particularly if one of the parties is concerned. No need to make him feel inadequate - but ask him if you want to know. I think the more pressure you put on him the worse it could get.

J2m5s8 · Dec 8, 2011, 09:01 PM

You're both 19, living together, and having sex without being married? I doubt you will be "a couple" for very much longer since your relationship is obviously fueled by nothing but lust. Stop worrying why your live-in lover lost his erection and start focusing on building a relationship based on love, trust, and compassion. Walk down the aisle and exchange rings, and then you can start having sex with some dignity.

page101 · Feb 8, 2012, 07:54 PM

Wow J2m5s8 if they have been together 3 years and live together obviously they have established a pretty solid relationship other than sex cause they wouldn't be together still I can see you must be old fashion but this is the 21st century so time to catch up with the times I am 19 and I live with my boyfriend who is 23 and we also have sex a lot and we have a great relationship even though were not technically "married" I don't have a ring on my finger but he refers to me as his wife and I am sure it's the same for (Sghandwdrc) so your comment offends me and I'm sure many others so keep your criticism to yourself, you were supposed to answer a question not give your opinion, but anyway when a guy gets soft during intercourse its not your fault and it could be many things alcohol/smoking, anxiety, etc but the way it sounds I think he was really trying not to finish and that ended up making him go soft sex is not only physical its mental and you have to have the right mind set, just don't worry about it, it happens to a lot of guys hope that helped