[JayneHampton]

We have been married for almost 22 years. On Christmas Day he walked out, had been having an affair for 3 weeks! On 8th January he begged to come home but on 28th January his attitude changed. I know he had seen this other woman at work that weekend and stopped telling me that he loved me, so I asked him to move out which he did on 4th February.

I have since found out that the other woman is pregnant. I have contacted her, and she informs me that she wants nothing to do with my husband any longer, but she constantly texts him. (I have my ways of finding this information out but am not prepared to divulge these.) He is constantly texting her, asking her out.

I don't particularly want my husband back, but what I do want to know is, Does this woman have any rights on our property for this child? We have two children already, and I want to protect their future. This woman does not even know for sure that the baby is my husband's. It could be her own husband's.

I don't know its due date, so am unable to work out the probability. When my husband first left and even after he returned, he had agreed to sign over the house to me. I have a mortgage offer as I am able to afford it on my own, but now he has changed his mind and is being very difficult. He isn't even contacting our children. He doesn't have to contact me to do so, since they both have their own mobile phones.

Any advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated. I will admit that I am still deeply in love with my husband. He's had women throwing themselves at him before, but he's never acted on it. I've also had opportunities but have not acted on them. For almost 24 years of being in the relationship, we have remained totally faithful.

He turns 50 this year and appears to be having some sort of crisis which she has worked on. She hounded him with text messages at the beginning. Lately her text messages have become very abusive towards me, and she is making him think that I am the one in the wrong. I'm so tempted to contact her husband and tell him what his wife is up to, but I need to sort out our finances, and this would make matters worse.

Please help.

[ScottGem]

First, if she is married her husband is the legal father. Unless he goes to court to fight paternity, he will remain the legal father.

Second, the woman has no claim on any property of yours, your children or your husband. IF her husband fights paternity, then she can go after your husband for child support. At your husband's death the child might have a claim against his estate.

[karissa.elise]

First, I would DEFFINEDLy call her husband. She knew your husband was married and had a family and that didn't stop her. And if she is pregnant possibly with another man he deserves to know. She could try to make hi think its his. Its wrong. I mean of course your husband is equally respnosible. Bu I would tell him!
And don't believe anything she says about whether she is talking to your husband or if he calls her etc. I have been in the same situation and. The other woman was telling me he called/texts her all the time and she doesn't want anything to do with him. ALL LIES come to find out they were sleeping together and seeing each other all the time. So just be careful who you believe I would trust a word either of them said I kow its easy to get mad at the woman buut remember he's the one who should have been loyal to you and he broke that trust not her. I hope you leave him and find someone deserving of your love and not him
! She has no rights to ANYTHING right now. And hopefully for your familys sake it stays that way. Good luck to you!

[JayneHampton]

An update on my situation is the documents have now been signed for my mortgage, my husband delivered the last of the documents to me yesterday. The house will soon be in my name only. I understand what you are saying karissa.elise but at the moment I'm not going to do that, she already has a 6 year old son and I don't want it on my head breaking his heart, my two children are suffering enough without making another one suffer, she is still with her husband and I'm happy to leave it that way, this means that my husband now has nothing which I think is a far better punishment than me pushing them together. I don't believe a word either of them are saying (although my husband is saying very little) I have proof of what is going on, like I said previously I'm not prepared to divulge my sources, lets just say in times of crisis it's surprising who comes forward as true friends. I'm still in love with my husband but I won't allow him to treat me this way, I'm still young enough to start again, I have a good job, I now have my own home and I have two beautiful children and a host of good friends. She'll spend the rest of her life having nothing but doubt and he'll spend his days with regret.

[ScottGem]

I understand what you are saying karissa.elise but at the moment I'm not going to do that, she already has a 6 year old son and I don't want it on my head breaking his heart.

I think you are correct here (and conversely, I totally disagree with Karissa's advice). You need to tend to your own business. Its not up to you to interfere in someone else's life like this.

I think your children will get through this because I like your strength and resolve.

[JayneHampton]

Thank you ScottGem, I appreciate your kindness. I am attempting to retain my dignity in this situation plus my two children are not aware of the full circumstances, and if I have my way they never will be. I am amazed at the support that I have been given during this very difficult time. I just wish that someone would explain to me now why my husband refuses to talk to me when I mention a divorce, it baffles me as it was his choice to try and rekindle the relationship with this other woman when I asked him to leave, why on earth would he not want to divorce or even talk about it? The male mind is an enigma to me.

Once again thank you, your initial response to my question did a great deal to put my mind at rest as she is currently choosing to stay with her husband, from what I hear he's a better father than my husband anyway.

[kcomissiong]

Him not discussing or not agreeing to a divorce doesn't stop you from filing. You've gotten your legal answer already, but I just wanted to tell you to continue to do what you are doing. You sound very grounded and determined to protect your children and your dignity. Please consider staying around and answering some questions on the relationship boards.. there are a lot of people who would benefit by hearing a RATIONAL response to heartbreak.

[JayneHampton]

I agree that him not wanting to discuss the divorce won't stop me from filing for it, however the documents would probably not be returned to the court as he would probably not sign them, he is well known for burying his head in the sand. Also I am unaware of the address at which he is currently staying although I do know the other woman's address. I feel that to send the documents to her in his name would not be the best solution. Please don't think that I am always this calm and dignifed about this situation, I have had my moments of tears, feeling ugly, useless and unwanted but I am now of the mind that I need to focus my attentions on securing mine and my children's futures. I'm still desperately in love with my husband but I am a logical person and I won't allow either myself or my children to suffer any more than is necessary. There comes a time when you have to realise that if he truly loved me he wouldn't have had the affair.
I would like to offer my help to other people who are suffering in the way that I am still suffering although I am unable to give legal advice, just emotional support.