[Teex2969]

I recently gave birth to twins I was never married to their Father the two of us Had a brief friendship and I became pregnant I told him he accepted even begged me not to abort his baby I agreed He failed to tell him family he was going to be a Father he said he was scared and did not know what to do I tried to include him throughout my pregnancy he relocated and basically magically came back in the picture via cell phone calls and text pleading with me to let him be a part of his Sons life. Basically to make a long story short I discovered I was having two babies at 6 Months and the babies are less than a Month old and now he's spoken with his Family and feeling empowered.

Demanding a DNA test and has been making other demands I am annoyed by the fact that he was not there didn't pay for not one thing for my babies in fact he abandoned them right after I told him I was pregnant after I agreed to keep the pregnancy but I told him I don't want to be with him after that I became his enemy.

Based on the fact that he abandoned his Sons and even though he's making all of these demands what rights does he really have?

[Synnen]

Just as many rights as you have, once he goes to court to get them.

Just because you're bitter that he didn't come around immediately and on YOUR doesn't mean he won't get to use those rights.

He owes no child support until you go to court to demand it, you know.

So... go to court, get child support set up, and let him start his own court process to get visitation and custody.

[Teex2969]

Bitter no just annoyed by his foolish demands I told him Ive got no problem with a DNA test I know he is the Father but bitter not at all Thanks for answering my question though just as I thought at the present moment he doesn't have any rights until he goes to court which can all be avoided he is the father and more than welcome to his Sons again Thanks.

[Synnen]

You're welcome.

And while I know it seems disparaging to you, please remember that a DNA test is in everyone's best interest in the end.

[Teex2969]

Also I have spoken with him about support but he has said he will not do anything for the boys until he finds out they are his even annoyed with me because I refused to give them his natives names he and his family chose for them after I gave birth he never denied them until he spoke with his family and admitted they were coming the day I gave birth two days ago he sent me a text saying he wants DNA test I was confused had I known he would become my enemy after I revealed to him I did not want to be with him just because I was pregnant I would have just been cordial and lied about my feelings go figure or not .Thanks again Synnen

[ScottGem]

Would you take the word of something who told you they were having your child after a "brief friendship"? In my opinion he has every right to request a DNA test before paying anything.

But if you go to court for child support (which you SHOULD do) then support will start from when you file, so even if it takes time to wind its way through the courts, he will have to pay.

Clearly he did not abandon the children. You can't abandon an unborn child. And he has been in contact, he is just trying to make sure of his obligations.

I'm not clear what you want help with. File for child support immediately. The court will order a paternity test and then rule on support.

[cdad]

What demands is he making? Is it along the lines of visitation? Not going to court and settling issues is always a bad idea. Get it settled. Make it legal and then there is no more arguing about it.

[Teex2969]

He just wants to control EVERYTHING at this point he's made it clear that I am NOT in control its almost as if he feels they are his babies alone and not mine but he was not this way until After I told him I did not want to be with him BIG MISTAKE on my part I see that now.Also by a brief friendship I do not mean a one night stand just to clear that up.

[JudyKayTee]

He just wants to control EVERYTHING at this point hes made it clear that I am NOT in control its almost as if he feels they are his babies alone and not mine but he was not this way until After I told him I did not want to be with him BIG MISTAKE on my part I see that now.Also by a brief friendship I do not mean a one night stand just to clear that up.

What is he trying to control? What does "everything" include?

He's entitled to visitation (unless he's dangerous to the children) and he's also "entitled" to pay support. You need to go to Court to get the paperwork started.

The Court will ORDER DNA testing.

How else is he trying to control the situation - other than DNA testing, which is all that I'm seeing.

[Teex2969]

I agree I will do just that go to Dcss to get the paperwork started I won't share too much more information Thanks all I have no problem with the court ordering a DNA test IF he even shows interest in establishing the parent child relationship in fact I welcome a DNA test.

[ScottGem]

Just remember, you are in control. He has to prove you unfit to get anything more than visitation.

[Teex2969]

He may have all of the visitation he likes as long he is reasonable I am a very reasonable Woman but I Thank You this Man almost sounds as if he wants to take our Sons away from me we live across the Map from each other so as I said I think I will make the first move no point in being afraid now Thanks all for your help I admit it I was afraid because the US is my home but not his and he's been telling me that he knows US laws and sounded as if it automatically gives him CONTROL I do not wish to be in control I just want to sort this out fast.

[JudyKayTee]

Just make sure you have Court Orders and no "side deals" because the Court can only enforce Orders. He grabs the kids and runs and you don't have a Court Order there is a BIG problem.

[ScottGem]

Actually if he lives outside the country, that will give him even less control. He apparently knows little about US law. But his being outside the US makes it even more imperative that you do everything through the US courts.

[Teex2969]

He lives in the US but it is not his home I guess I should have said we live on totally different Coast sorry I was warned about the possibility of him leaving the US with them so I will indeed go to Court to make sure that doesn't happen Thank You All again you have all helped me quite a bit.

[ScottGem]

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Teex2969]

I have since been to Dcss and ScottGem Thanks a lot your advice helped me to get over my fear and you were right he has no control for the most part I just wanted to make sure I had a court order declaring me the Custodial Parent so until he gets a DNA test which I welcome and attempts to etablish the parent child relationship I will remain the Custodial Parent I have had to remind him a few times that this is NOT Africa but the US so again I Thank all of you for your help I was scared to death didn't know what to do next.Now I guess it is his Move time will tell if it was personal for him because I was no longer interested in him or if he's really interested in his Sons or pissed off because he no longer has control of me.

[ScottGem]

You go girl! Good for you!

[Teex2969]

I told him that "I Welcome A DNA Test" Told Him to Make It Happen No Word Yet Not One Text Or Phone call To check On His Sons Since Especially When I Told Him His Desperation Is Really Showing In His Texts He's Not Desperate To Get To Know His Sons He's Still Trying To Control Me I Guess In His Culture In Africa You can't Just be A father To Your Child You have To Stay With the Mother Also NOT Going To Happen I Knew This Wasn't About being A father To His Sons.I'm Not taking It Personal Though I Kind Of Expected It... This Is Just An Update.Again Thanks Scott Gem for All of Your help.