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livorno18 · Feb 2, 2012, 02:30 PM

Hey, I love my girl a lot. Her caste is jat and mine is dhobi.

She is so much feeling guilty that what will happen if her parents will not allow? There is no problem from my side, its just the ****ing caste system. I really love her and can't think of leaving her. Can you please help me out. What should we do?

She don't want to marry just because of her parents. Is there any way to solve this problem? Please help me.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 2, 2012, 02:56 PM

So you along with the elder member of your family go visit the elder male of her family and discuss it.

livorno18 · Feb 3, 2012, 08:47 AM

Will it be helpful?? actually her family problems are coming in between so she doesn't want anything bad from her side... she don't want to hurt her parents... what should I say to her please help me... why can't parents think about their children?? I know dey will firstly oppose it but why she thinks if il talk to her father her respect will come down... her parents will taunt her comments and all... I told her il talk to her father and without his permission we won't go for marriage but she is not listening... why is so scared??
Please don't give any diplomatic answer... give it what your heart says because ryt nw I'm really fckd up don't know what to do... help me sir

Fr_Chuck · Feb 3, 2012, 08:57 AM

Of course in many cultures, she could be hurt physically even if she does not obey her parents, beyond that, if she goes against they wishes she could be disowned by them. They will treat her as she does not exist. She would lose any and all contact with her family.

Normally out of respect and culture, it is something that parents discuss for their children, so it is often even a matter of disrespect from your side, if you and your father or other elder did not go and discuss this with her family.

livorno18 · Feb 3, 2012, 02:54 PM

That's what I'm saying to her let parents do their part even if there is a caste difference... but she is not ready because my life is becoming hell... what is my fault?? I love her truly sincerely... if loving someone with so much purity is a fault den I have committed it... im so much feeling low that I can't even share my feelings what I'm feeling... I don't have that kind of friends... im really breaking into small parts... im feeling so much helpless... god please

talaniman · Feb 5, 2012, 11:56 AM

Slow down guy, as you must respect her wishes to do nothing about marriage or parents at this time. That means back up, and stop pushing her for what YOU want until she comes around to agreeing with you to try this.

I think for NOW, you slowdown and get control of yourself, and do this at HER pace, NOT yours. When she is ready in her own mind, only then should you be worried about approaching her family. What's the hurry my friend? You have plenty of time to convince her with romance, and gentle ways.

Being impulsive, pushy, desperate, are things that will not help you, they will make it worse.

livorno18 · Feb 5, 2012, 11:36 PM

I'm not forcing her... I want things to be slow down but she has started thinking... im trying to say that things will be OK this is not correct time to think... she is scared about the future parents and all part... she don't want her parents to be hurt... her parents have done a lot for her so she just wants repay that part by not hurting them... I don't agree with this... parents just want their children to be happy in their life and secured... just by doing this no one can repay any parents part... dey do it fr their children to see them happy in future... I know everyone has different mentality but this is not correct... every second of my life I feel fr her... wat should I do to remove her fear??
Please help I'm really helpless...