[lizzy]

Ok, this guy has been head over heals for me for the last seven years. I have never actually felt that I loved him back, but I think that peer pressure prevented me from doing so. Now that we are in college I've realized how much of a I am and I feel that he deserves better than me. I tried every way I could think of to make him see me as just a friend and even though he said he would prefer that over nothing, it was very obvious that he was still in love with me. So I did the only thing I could think of and quit talking to him, period. He wrote me many emails and letters desperatly trying to find out what he did wrong, but I ignored them all. A week ago he facebooked me saying he was done with me and could not imagine how the girl he fell in love with could turn out to be such a cold hearted . Well, I got what I wanted but now I feel so horrible. I want him to be happy, and find a girl who will give him the love he deserves, but its killing me. Am I in the right?

[kristynn]

I don't think you did anything wrong. I had almost the same experience as you and guess what ? I did pretty much the same thing as you.

I haven't talked to him for quite a few months. In the end, we started talking again. We were friends before that happened, ignored each other for a few months after, and now, we're still good friends.
I actually think it was the right thing in that situation because I don't think anything else would've worked.

So, I do no think you did anything wrong. Just tell him you did the best for himself, so that he can "cure" and eventually move on. It sounds weird, but it worked for me!
You shouldn't feel so horrible! I'm sure he'll find the girl he deserves and then he'll be happy that you've ignored him. It's OK for him to consider you cold-hearted though, but I'm sure he'll change his opinion if you two remain friends.

[RubyPitbull]

lizzy, his last contact with you was his final attempt to get you to speak with him. Guilt is a wonderful tool to get what one wants. He has achieved his goal to make you feel guilty. Please stay strong and don't contact him. You have nothing to feel guilty over. You have absolutely done the right thing here. He may not understand that right now. That is okay. Do not speak with him, and do not explain any further than you have in the past. Let him go.

It is possible in a year or two, or at your ten year high school reunion, that you can reestablish a friendship with him by telling him your reasoning for doing what you did. Explain to him that your intention wasn't to hurt him but he could not seem to move past the fixation he had with you. So, you did what was necessary to help him move on with his life and gave him the opportunity to meet and date others.

Please don't feel guilty. You actually have done him a great kindness. What he was doing was a lower form of stalking. You had to do what you had to do.