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Bella_Louise · Jan 30, 2012, 07:34 AM

I dated a woman, for six weeks and she was my first love, she broke up with me because things was moving too fast and the fact that I fell in love with her, scared her.

We have been split up for over three years, we went through a phase of being 'friends with benefits'. I loved every moment I spent with her so I was happy, and I do realize she was using me. At this moment in time, we are just friends. Me and her have both had partners in the three years we've been split up. She is now single and I'm settling down with my partner.

I've still been contacting her and I've really enjoyed talking to her as friends. I can't help but think, what if.. Anyway she hasn't liked any of my previous partners. She is scared of commitment but of course won't admit it. I would drop any woman like a hat for her and she knows it but it can never be so that's why I'm moving on with my life but she's still inside my heart.

Any advice please...

talaniman · Jan 30, 2012, 09:03 AM

Leave her alone, and focus on reality since you know there is no future with her. That would be fair to your new partner.

Bella_Louise · Jan 30, 2012, 09:13 AM

And you read the comments.. how?

OK.. ignore that comment, I can now see your messege :)
Thanks Talaniman, I've tried so hard to forget her but I just cant. :(

JudyKayTee · Jan 30, 2012, 09:26 AM

You have two choices - "can't" forget her and live in so much confusion that you are posting questions on a Q&A Board OR decide you "can" get over her and move on.

The person who is going to hurt here is YOUR current partner, and I don't see you taking her into consideration.

If you love someone else and would leave your current partner at the "drop of a hat" be a decent person and move on, away from your current partner.

talaniman · Jan 30, 2012, 09:31 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You have two choices - "can't" forget her and live in so much confusion that you are posting questions on a Q&A Board OR decide you "can" get over her and move on.

The person who is going to hurt here is YOUR current partner, and I don't see you taking her into consideration.

If you love someone else and would leave your current partner at the "drop of a hat" be a decent person and move on, away from your current partner.

Totally agree, and if you would drop your partner at the drop of a hat for a what if ex, then your love for the one you are settling down with is false in the first place. Only through No More Contact can you heal, and move on.

Jake2008 · Jan 31, 2012, 07:35 AM

Sometimes, when a relationship doesn't work out, friendships aren't always the best way to go.

Remaining friends with someone you have had a relationship with, for you, is really just hanging onto hope and a thread, that might, down the road, develop back into a relationship. Remaining friends, to your ex girlfriend, means no relationship, but friends with benefits.

So, who's needs are being met here. Certainly not yours. You are even fully aware you are being used, but continue anyway. Sara's needs are being met, and your new relationship unwittingly believes that you and her are honest, trustworthy, and faithful to eachother; her needs are not being met.

I agree with the others that it is time to let go of this 'friendship', which is really a third partner in the relationship.

It rarely works out that two former lovers can remain friends only. Your situation is proof of that.

While it may be painful to finally put an end to what you and Sara have, if you want to move forward without having any lingering thoughts and doubts in your new relationship, it is time to let her go.

Simply tell her that remaining friends with her, is not fair to your new partner. Focus your energy after that, on your new partner, and building a life together without Sara in the shadows.

My advise to you, is to end the friendship with Sara.

Itzme · Jan 31, 2012, 09:43 PM

Hi Bella,
Relationship is more than what is apparent, visible and physical.
May be you need to take time to understand yourself in totality and only then you can address your problem, without which, its impossible to find a solution, as every one has his or her own space which the other person can't enter.
Please take time to face yourself in all honesty.
John

mmresd · Feb 1, 2012, 07:44 PM

First decide what it is you want, you either stay on your relationship or you pursue a new one. If you want to stay in your relationship then you need to cut complete contact with this temptation and continue to work on it. If you want to try this new one, then you need to break the previous commitment off and woe the girl that you are liking.