[Jennyjliv]

My sons father is an alcoholic and we have been separated for 4 months where he has gotten two women pregnant. He refuses to help me with our son, when he goes to his house where he spends time with his grandmother my son is ignored. The father has put alcohol , friends, and women in front of my son for years. And I know the only reason he is agreeing to sign over custody is because he doesn't want to support him. How do I go about getting this done and forms I need? Is it also possible to change my sons last name once he does sign him over? I'm a.single mother who makes enough to get by and doesn't have money for a lawyer and legal aid said they aren't taking any child cases right now, is there any.other route to go?

[JudyKayTee]

He can't sign over full custody unless someone else is willing and able to adopt your child OR are you talking about legal custody?

He cannot avoid supporting his child and if you receive any public benefits the County or State will pursue him.

Was he an alcoholic when you had the child with him?

[kcomissiong]

I have the feeling that you believe that full custody is equivalent to having his rights terminated. That isn't the case.

If you have full custody, he could be required to pay child support. (as long as there is an order in place) If he changes his mind later, he can petition a court to reinstate his visitation. There is nothing he could sign outside of a relinquishment of rights pursuant to an adoption that would get him out of his legal responsibility to pay support.

You cannot change your child's last name without the father's consent.

Family courts are generally low cost and user friendly. If you are both in agreement on custody, you can simply petition to have a court make your custody agreement official.

[Jennyjliv]

No he was sober and was clean completed rehab program when we conceived my son, I don't receive any assistance. I did believe that him signing over custody would relinquish all rights. I have filed for child support the hearing is in march.. he doesn't want to be a constant participant in my sons life, and I don't want to force him to.

[JudyKayTee]

No, he can't sign "off". He, by Law, should be supporting the child but that does not grant him visitation or custody. Those are different matters entirely.

Being a single Mom is rough enough and perhaps some support money would help you - I'm sure it would.

At this point the child is under your control. He legally has rights but he cannot exercise them without a Court Order. For example, he wants visitation and you say no. He can go to Court and ask for visitation or go away. He probably will go away. The problem there is that at ANY time he can file for visitation, right up until your child is 18. You will have lost all those years of child support if you don't ask for it because the "standard" is he asks for visitation, you ask for support.

You can't force "him" to be a father in other than name - and I suspect that that's a good thing in your case!

You can use another name for the child in school, for example, but you need the father's consent to legally change the child's name.

Glad to hear he was clean and straight when you were involved with him. I always wonder when women get involved with guys who are using what they expect will happen. Good you aren't in that category.

[Jennyjliv]

Thank u judy. Your advise has helped so much!

[JudyKayTee]

Good - and I'd wait to see what the father does next. You, of course, are interested in the welfare of your child - he apparently is not.

Stay tough with him!