[natsmom]

The biological father of my son was here illegally and has since returned back to honduras with no intentions of returning he is not listed on the birth certificate and has paid no support. We live in Minnesota. Can my boyfriend adopt him and how much will it cost

[ScottGem]

Most areas require that you be married before allows an adoption to replace one parent.

You should have an attorney to prepare the adoption petition. So start shopping around for an attorney. Most will give you a free consult and tell you what the requirements are. You will have to show that you attempted to contact the father, but given the circumstances that should not inhibit the adoption once you get married.

[natsmom]

Why do we have to be married? He considers my son his and my son considers him his dad. He wants to have the same last name as his brother and the man that he calls dad.

[J_9]

You have to be married because in the eyes of the LAW you are not in a committed relationship until you are married for at least one year.

[ScottGem]

Why do we have to be married? He considers my son his and my son considers him his dad. He wants to have the same last name as his brother and the man that he calls dad.

Because the LAW says so. It appears that MN is one of the states that requires that someone adopting a child singly (not as a couple) be married. As I said, consult an attorney who can review the specific law for you. I may be wrong about MN law, but I don't think so.

[AK lawyer]

Why do we have to be married? He considers my son his and my son considers him his dad. ...

Ah, but you, as evidenced by the fact that you have not married him, don't appear to yet consider your boyfriend your permanent mate. And the same goes for the boyfriend with respect to you.

How can society take your alleged desire to create a permanent father-son relationship seriously; while at the same time you won't form a permanent bond with your boyfriend?

[natsmom]

Just because we choose to not marry does not mean we are not committed to each other. I will check on mn law. Is it legal to change his last name?

[Fr_Chuck]

You will still have to attempt to get the bio fathers permission, If you do not know where he is, there will be procedures from the court, that will be required to try and find him and notify him.

Is there a reason you will not marry? If the new boyfriend, really wants to adopt and be a legal father to the child, why would they not want to?

[ScottGem]

Just because we choose to not marry does not mean we are not committed to each other. I will check on mn law. Is it legal to change his last name?

We are not saying you aren't committed. But you are arguing emotion against the law. If the law requires that you be married to allow a partner adoption, then you won't get an adoption unless you are married. It doesn't matter how committed you are, what evidence you produce of your commitment. If you go to a judge, the judge will say, that's the law and if you are that committed then you will legalize your union.

As for a name change, a person's birth certificate is a legal document. To change it requires a court order. For a court to order the change, would require both parents to agree.

[AK lawyer]

Just because we choose to not marry does not mean we are not committed to each other. ...

Actually, and especially in the eyes of the law, that's exactly what it means.

[Synnen]

Just because we choose to not marry does not mean we are not committed to each other. I will check on mn law. Is it legal to change his last name?

Marriage is a LEGAL commitment. If you want the LEGAL environment to consider you committed, then you get MARRIED.

Why are you willing to create a permanent, legal, really-hard-to-revoke commitment for your underage and unable to choose for himself son to this man when YOU are not willing to do the same?

I personally don't see you as committed if you're not willing to make that leap for yourself even though you are willing to do so for your son. That sounds more to me (and I'm a cynic) like a way to stick some sucker with child support after you break up since you can't get it from the biological father.

[JudyKayTee]

And in the eyes of the law whatever "commitment" you had with the father was gone with a snap of the fingers. How does the law know that won't happen with the current boyfriend?

A person not committed to the mother is not going to be considered to be committed to the child.

I'm always interested - and I have one of these situations in my family - why don't you marry if for no reason other than the tax break?