[summer33]

So I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 22 and we have only been together a short time about 6 months but we really love each other and he is an awesome kind and caring guy the only thing is sometimes he does little things that I overreact and get really upset about.

We've never had a massive argument or fight but I feel like every few days I'm whinging about something new and he always says I'm being silly and to not worry or read into stuff so much. Sometimes I end up crying myself to sleep and get too worked up over the slightest things and then I get myself even more upset because I've called him up annoyed and then I'm afraid he will get sick of me and leave me.

Most of the time I'm upset at the fact that he is away at the mines so I only see him for like 2 days every 2-3 weeks and I get upset if he doesn't want to spend most of the time with me even though I know he has to see his friends and I get to do stuff whilst he is stuck working all day so I'm being so selfish and clingy but I can't help but get upset about it. Its hard when we don't get to spend as much time together and we are still a new relationship.

He even says if I really couldn't handle it he would leave the job for me but I want him to save money. I think I'm just scared because my last boyfriend hurt me so much by cheating on me which coincidently was with a girl at the mines so it was also long distance.

Do you think I'm subconciously doing this to push him away even though I'm scared of losing him? I always also seem to get jelous now as well (which I haven't really been with previous relationships) because he's still close to his exs and even if he says other girls are pretty to me. Am I being to clingy or possessive? Or are these valid reasons to be upset? How can I change this?

[talaniman]

You could well have plenty of baggage from before, that you take out on him, and you could be insecure, clingy, and needy, because you never healed properly. You could also be putting all your eggs in his basket, and be depending on him to make you happy. So I have two suggestions for you,

1) Build a life that you enjoy with friends, family, and activities that make you happy without him, while he is away. Then you are taking responsibility for your own happiness, and not depending on him to make you happy.

2) Think before you act or speak, so you don't act, or react from impulse, and hurt feelings as you gain confidence from having a life that doesn't revolve out of just him. After a while of practising this, like counting to ten, you won't say, or do things that make you feel bad, or guilty of any bad behavior.

Good luck, I hope it helps.

[summer33]

Thanks Talaniman that was helpful you're right I need to stop depending on him a lot of my friends have moved away recently so I need to get out there and do stuff and make new friends

[mmresd]

You choose to control yourself. If there is nothing to be worried about, then you just need to take a breath and calm down, you are only harming yourself and your relationship with all of these insecure feelings that you are having. He is with you, nothing else should matter.

[summer33]

Thanks mmresd that is true I over think things way too much I think I should start meditation or something and learn to kick stupid thoughts out of my head haha!