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    erinrenee6977's Avatar
    erinrenee6977 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 28, 2012, 02:01 AM
    How can I get my boyfriend to have sex with me?
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 and a half years. I am 21 and he is 33. We are expecting a baby girl in May (which means I'm 6 months pregnant). We have only had sex twice since I conceived our baby. Before that I don't even know how long it had been. He hasn't given me oral sex in about 8 months of longer. He doesn't cheat or masturbate. He will look at porn every now and then but its rare. The last times we've had sex, he wanted me to get on top which is fine but I'd love to be dominated every now and then. I know my stuff is still good and tight, I know it doesn't smell or taste bad. I know I give great oral sex and am good in bed. I am down for anything. I want him so bad, but I want to be wanted. I want to feel sexy. I want him to initiate this and actually have some foreplay and let him take the lead in bed and man handle me. I was under the impression that most men would love to have someone like that in bed. I am attractive, not rail thin, and nowhere near overweight. I have C boobs right now because of the baby. My tits are pretty. I have a nice butt, and overall body. I am 5'7 I am 6 months pregnant but am still 135 pounds. I take care of myself. I know he loves me. I just don't feel attractive. I don't feel wanted. He says things like I want to do it tonight. I want to lick you and titty **** you too. But none of it ever happens. I've tried to initiate the foreplay and sex. I've tried showing him porn to get him horny. I have tried talking to him about it, but nothing changes. I am so upset and embarrassed. What can I do? Does anyone have any advice? I'm so sad about this. I cry often when I'm alone because I don't know what to do.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #2

    Jan 28, 2012, 09:33 AM
    So before the baby, he doesn't sound like he had a very high sex drive, and during your preganancy, it sounds much the same.

    Did you plan to have this baby? Perhaps, if it was not planned, he has some difficulty getting used to being a father, and all that that entails.

    His mind may be on other things in other words.

    I would stop pressuring him, and hoping or expecting that he will perform. If he is not getting turned on after all you do to get him in the mood, continuing with the ways you use now, aren't working.

    By making this all about you, i.e. you have all that should be desirable to him with your figure, willingness, skill, etc. you are not solving the issue of lack of intimacy. The reason is bigger than your needs and wants, and pressuring him will not get answers.

    There could be many reasons, during a good chunk of your relationship together, that he doesn't have much of a sex drive, or a compatible sex drive, with yours. When is the last time he's been for a complete checkup. Are you both working, or is he responsible to provide all the monetary necessities. Is his job stressful. Maybe there is nothing wrong with him at all, he simply has a sexual drive that is less than yours.

    Some men are not comfortable with sex, particularly during pregnancy. Some aren't. Do you talk to him- not argue or pressure him- to make his opinion valuable, and is there room for negotiation. Have the two of you ever thought about, or talked about, counselling. Maybe he is uneasy about talking to you about what is going on. If anything is going on.

    I think he has a very good idea what you want, but do you have any idea what might be contributing factors to him?

    If this issue of a lack of sex has been a common theme as I've said, through your pregnancy, and long before you got pregnant, this is not simply a matter of him suddenly changing to meet your needs. There has to either be reasons he does not have much of a sex drive, or, he's always been this way, and changing him now, isn't likely to happen. At least without some outside help.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Jan 28, 2012, 10:17 AM
    He loves you but he is afraid of hurting you, or the baby, and nothing you can do to tell him different. Sounds like a first for you both, and maybe going together to talk to your doctor during your next exam will give you both some good information that will be useful now, and after you deliver.

    Makes a difference, hearing it from a doctor, plus he will know how to safely deal with both your concerns, and maybe his. Its like tacos and pickles at 4 AM. You want it and got to have it! He probably doesn't know that though, he isn't carrying life, so doesn't feel the raging hormones and chemicals.
    erinrenee6977's Avatar
    erinrenee6977 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jan 28, 2012, 11:54 PM
    He was like this before we got pregnant. I think his testosterone levels must be low. He went to gnc once and got these testosterone booster pills and they worked. He wanted to have sex more often and it was great. If he knows they work, why wouldn't he try it again? I mean before I was pregnant he could have tried those again. He is scared to have sex with me now, which is understandable because we lost a baby in 09 and we don't know why (was my 2nd miscarriage). But still. He could at least use his mouth or hands to mess around. I would be down for giving him oral if the sex part scares him but he doesn't want any of it. It's really depressing.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Jan 29, 2012, 07:13 PM
    How pregnant are you? Just curious.
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,002, Reputation: 553
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    #6

    Jan 30, 2012, 06:28 PM
    It sounds like he just has a small sex drive, some people do. Either that or maybe he is afraid of having sex with a pregnant woman, either way only communication can get the reason why, either communication with you, or maybe you need to take him to a therapist.
    erinrenee6977's Avatar
    erinrenee6977 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jan 31, 2012, 05:56 PM
    6 months. I'm not big at all. People look at me crazy when I say I'm 6months. And yes it.does freak him out. We finally had sex last night. Woohoo. Hopefully it won't be another 3 months before we do it again.

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