[Mimi623]

Help! I know you can't speak for other people but I am running out of options not only that I feel like running. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We waited two months before having sex and for the first three months it was great I mean I thought holy **** I found a keeper. We talked about in the beginning about how important a healthy sex life was to one another and we both agreed it was a must in a relationship. At first we had sex everyday almost and when he stayed the night he always wanted it in the morning before leaving to work. We do live together now and we each have 1 child shared with our previous spouses so we have time to still have a healthy sex life but it's not the case anymore.

For the past 6 months we have sex if I'm lucky maybe 7 times a month. I have no problem with porn at all, I watch it myself and I have watched it with him. I also know it is completely normal to masturbate which I also do now more than I would like. My boyfriend no longer engages in wanting to have sex with me. He downloads porn while he's at work and at home while he is using the bathroom and then gets in the shower to masturbate. I have no problem with any of this except now it is replacing me. I do see a therapist on my own time for my own issues and now this issue.

My boyfriend and I can't talk about this problem because every time I bring it up that our sex life is in danger he gets so upset that we fight, don't talk about the issue and then it just gets wiped under the rug. I know that looks are not everything but I am not ugly, I am not over weight, I take care of my looks to great measures and make sure I'm always ready down there. I also like to do everything sexually, I get pleasure out of taking care of him in all ways he needs as well so I am so frustrated and confused by what is going on. Also when we do have sex it last no longer than a couple minutes and then he is finished in the beginning he lasted for 20 minutes least.

Help, seriously what is wrong with me? I feel like I'm either going to find myself in trouble trying to get attention and sexual satisfaction from someone else or one day I am going to wake up and just hate him and it's going to blow up. I feel so ugly, unwanted, frustrated I don't want to break up because other than this he is who I want to spend the rest of my life with but I can't spend the rest of my life like this. I just want to feel wanted again by him and have sex 4 or more times a week not 7 a month...

[talaniman]

I doubt you find a guy who will give you sex 16 times a month for the rest of your life, and your problem isn't that your sex life is in danger, its you can't talk about it. That you take it as a personal affront to your woman hood is a bit immature, and distracts you from seeing the root causes of this seeming conflict between your wants, and needs.

When lust fades, communications, not just about sex, but other areas of a healthy relationship, is what makes love grow, if you both are willing, and indeed have love between you. I feel there are other things you should be discussing besides the sex to reach a conclusion you can both deal with, and make the proper adjustments to.

That's what healthy couples do. They talk, sometimes fuss, and argue, and get mad and frustrated. But they talk and listen to each other, and work through things. If they can't they split! Maybe 7 times a month is enough for him, maybe he has other issues too. But for sure you will never know without talking to him.

[Fr_Chuck]

Grown people, working with kids at home, are lucky to have the time and honestly, the energy to have sex more than a couple times a week at best, very often it will be 4 to 6 times for a real average couple. Every day is just not realistic at all. Kids, family, work, duties around the house, all come first.

And of course you say, you wanted two months to have sex ( make it sound like a long time) I would say you had sex within 8 weeks of meeting him,

You both put the sex as the important thing in the relationship, which honestly it is not, it is part of it, but the emotion and the sharing and the talking is or at least should be the important thing.

It sounds like you, at least based a relationship just on the physcial, that ends and you will have nothing, unless you grow emotionly.

[talaniman]

Fr. Chuck brings up some good points. Do you work, or have hobbies, and friends, or a happy life without him? Or is he the entire focus of your life?

[mmresd]

Leave him, you should be with someone who fullfills your need, there is no point is continuing a relationship with someone who you are so incompatible with.