[lla152]

Our daughter and her family recently moved away, I thought our son in law liked us, and we were so happy he was a part of our family, Come to find out he doesn't feel the same way, Our daughter informed us that he resents our grandson calling my husband papa and me mamaw, I wish we would have known this earlier, our grandson is almost 3 yrs old, he waited till they moved before we heard of these things, I don't care what our grandson calls us, if We would have known this affended him we surely would have done things differently. We are just heartbroken.

[joypulv]

Were they living with you, or nearby? If with you, it's a natural process to want to be a new family. All you can do is stay as pleasant, available, and loving as you were, but without any clinging or neediness or need to hash out regrets. You will be much more likely to be welcomed slowly back into their lives. Call to chat, send letters and cards, but don't make any demands about visits. Let them invite you in time.

I do think that the issue over names was just a simple description of the larger problem of needing to be on their own. And the children didn't come up with mawmaw and papa, I suspect that you and your husband did, and that could be just one part of wanting to be the ones raising, training, teaching them, without meaning to. Try not to feel bad; it's very very common.

[Silver Lining]

Have you tried talking to your son in law?
Some parents feel jealous when their child address others as dad/mom. I was in the same situation when my daughter started calling my dad as papa. My husband shared this with me immediately and I corrected it. Your grandson has to learn to call you grandpa/ma and hopefully the conflict will be resolved. Well, you know that kids that age repeat everything the elders say. Your grandson was just repeating what your daughter called u. talk to your son in law directly, don't involve your daughter as a mediator, but keep her in the loop.

[dontknownuthin]

It's a big leap from him not liking the names that are used for his son's grandparents to not liking the grandparents. If he'd rather you be called Grandma and Grandpa, just agree to it and resolve the problem.

Also, did they move away toward something, or move away to be away from you?

He may feel that you've been too intwined in their lives and that they didn't have enough privacy when they lived closer, but you can't know unless you ask. Ask your daughter to explain more what her husband's concerns are, and if they are reasonable to fix, fix them. Also ask your daughter whether she thinks his concerns have merit, or if he's being unreasonable, or if it's somewhere in between and tell her that you're asking because you don't want her to be torn - you want to solve the problem. You have to really mean it though!


I would be concerned if he's the type of guy who wants his wife to not have close relationships with anyone else though - if he's trying to cut her off from her friends and family, that can be very controlling and a sign of potential abuse. Is there any indication of that kind of thing, or is he just a bit annoyed (as many people are) with his inlaws, who do things differently than he's used to from his own family? Does he try to cut her off from other people she loves or activities or interests?