[ladylazarus]

My boyfriend and I have been a loving relationship for over a year now. It didn't begin as the stop-in-tracks, butterflies-in-stomach type of love. We started as friends, and I eventually began to develop and return feelings for him.

Yes, we're not perfect. We're actually opposites. I come from a nuclear, close-knit family from suburbia. He comes from divorced parents in the inner-city. I am extremely studious, intellectual, and practical. He loves to laugh, is optimistic about life no matter the odds, and is emotional. I've always thought we balance one another out, and I loved that we were different. Up until now, I've viewed him as "the one" for me, despite any obstacles.

Before we started dating, I had a crush on his friend, but believing any attraction was unrequited, I moved on. I began dating my boyfriend, and the rest is history. A few months into our relationship, my boyfriend's friend and I drunkenly confessed our affection and feelings for each other at a party, but we both believed it was wrong. I felt loyalty and commitment to my boyfriend (although my like hadn't developed into love by then), and neither of us believed in betraying the boyfriend. Since then, I hadn't thought of my boyfriend's friend much. Despite our undeniable chemistry and genuine like for one another, we moved on, and I've been very happy with my boyfriend.

Recently, I find my feelings and conviction for my boyfriend waning, and I find myself becoming attracted to his friend again. I HATE that I feel this way. It makes me feel guilty every time we happen to hang out. I can't help myself from growing jealous over the girl he's seeing. I love, care for, and respect my boyfriend and would NEVER EVER do anything rash or foolish. I just don't think I'm in love with him anymore, and it makes me so sad.

Is it normal for your feelings for the S.O. To diminish with time? Am I just really this fickle? Is this just a phase? I am in desperate need of advice.

[talaniman]

Maybe its time for an honest discussion with your partner. How old are you both?

[geminichick]

I guess the question you need to ask yourself is it fair to your boyfriend that you feel this way. I'm the woman who has the conviction that opposites don't always attract. Their can be a resistance. Sometimes opposites don't share the same things in common. They don't always enjoy doing things that the other enjoys doing.

Do you really love this guy your with? Ask yourself is it just a phase that your going through with the feelings for his friend? Is it possible not to hang around him at all? Maybe write out all the things you look for in a man, including the things your not looking for in a man, maybe that will help answer your question regarding your boyfriend. Is the relationship giving you the happiness you want and need? Is he happy in the relationship? Are you both complimenting each other. Where your weakest areas of your personality are does he help strengthen them and visa versa.

[Jake2008]

You say you'd never do anything rash or foolish, yet you got drunk, and professed your feelings to your boyfriend's friend at a party.

You seem to have this idea that because you are from a nuclear family that is close-knit in a better community, and he is from a divorced family in the inner city, that, despite his good qualities, he's somehow seen as less equal? Disadvantaged? Not as worthy as the other fellow?

This has nothing to do with your intellect, 'station' in life, how your background is 'different' or (implied) better than his.

This has you playing one man off against the other, even if the man you are attracted to, is not your boyfriend.

It's too bad you had to get drunk to justify your breech in honesty.

If you are no longer feeling faithful, honest, and true to your boyfriend, who thinks that there isn't anything wrong, you are misleading him, and fooling yourself.

Your 'feelings and conviction' to your boyfriend, as you say, are waning, and the other man keeps popping into your mind.

If you are unsure of your relationship, or just hanging on until something better comes along, try to consider your boyfriend's position in all of this.

Perhaps he deserves a chance to also understand what's going on with you, so that HE has a choice as to what he wants to do.

[ladylazarus]

I would never do anything rash because I've grown to love and respect him. I "professed" those feelings when I was only one month into the relationship. I didn't love him yet. I regret that moment regardless.

And I certainly don't think I'm better. My family is just as (if not more) broken. We are just from different backgrounds and with different values.

Thank you for your answers in any case. I am always overthinking things. We spent a few days apart and I was able to get some clarity. I love him. We're a work in progress, but I realize we have more than just lust or infatuation. We have a love grounded in friendship and support, which is ultimately what I want.

Thanks! :)

[geminichick]

Your boyfriend still needs to know how you are feeling. It's not fair to him to leave him in the dark. If you really loved him like you say you do, than why are you having these feelings towards this other guy. I guess I'm a little confused.