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darius87 · Jan 19, 2012, 07:23 PM

I was on the internet and came across a book about man wrote about rappers in hip hop being gay. I was shocked and fascinated wanting to know which rapper was gay. All of sudden I was on YouTube trying to play sherlock holmes and all of a sudden I started to question my own sexuality. I have started to look at rappers that are allegedly gay differently and its really affected me. I was abit of a player but its affected my enjoyment and even my attraction to women because I am tormented by thoughts that I am gay. I have stopped talking to women online and when I do meet and have sex I am still doubting myself. I have never had a solid relationship without accusing my girlfriend of cheating and go long periods without a girlfriend. What do you people think? Its really affecting me. I've never slept with a man or ever had desires to sleep with a man. AM I paranoid or am I gay?

talaniman · Jan 19, 2012, 09:22 PM

I think you are paranoid myself. And obsessed.

darius87 · Jan 19, 2012, 09:43 PM

I thought that as well but its buggin me and won't go away. The passion I had for women isn't the same, its weird.

talaniman · Jan 19, 2012, 09:49 PM

Could this be some guilt, or some deep unfulfillment on your part?

darius87 · Jan 19, 2012, 09:53 PM

Well before I had these thoughts , I was beating myself up about ejaculating to quick with a girl that I met for the first time and had sex with, that kind of knocked my confidence.

talaniman · Jan 19, 2012, 10:04 PM

How old are you, playa?

darius87 · Jan 19, 2012, 10:05 PM

22

Fr_Chuck · Jan 19, 2012, 10:14 PM

If you want to have sex with men, you are gay,

If you don't want to have sex with men you are not gay.

Merely looking up and reading silly stories about other people who may or may not be gay is more strange and obsessed but not gay.

Sexual issues with your female does not make you gay, it makes you normal

darius87 · Jan 19, 2012, 10:23 PM

I don't want to have sex with men no. but I think the more I think about it I might just turn Gay . Before I started getting obsessed everything was fine. I wish I never came across that stupid article and rumours I just want to feel normal again. I want my passion back. That feeling when I see a beautiful woman. This gay stuff is distressing me.

Cat1864 · Jan 20, 2012, 07:27 AM

I think you need to stop looking for answers to the wrong questions.

I highly doubt you are gay or even bi. If you aren't attracted to males then you aren't gay. Keep in mind that people can enjoy the physical/mental attractiveness of a person of the same sex without being homosexual.

Your problem appears to be mistrusting the opposite sex to the point where you aren't capable of attempting to have a committed relationship. Am I correct in thinking that you fell into being a player because you couldn't trust females? Have you really been happy being a player and not allowing yourself to become committed to one person for any length of time? On some level are you looking for a change of behavior patterns and this makes a great excuse?

Let's try to answer this question: Why do you accuse your girlfriends of cheating?

Do you think talking to a counselor or therapist might help you sort out the past and put thoughts and experiences in proper perspective?

I am going to suggest that you stop trying to meet up with females just to have sex. I am going to suggest that you work on changing how you view women instead of worrying yourself sick over how you don't view men.

Get out and enjoy yourself. Get involved in things/events/classes/volunteering/hobbies/etc. where you can meet people who have some of the same interests you do. Get to know females who you aren't looking at as only bed buddies. Try dating to get to know the person inside instead of to get the woman into bed. Allow yourself to build a relationship with someone without accusing her of cheating. Give yourself a chance to care about a partner.

talaniman · Jan 20, 2012, 09:35 AM

I see two things happening myself. You have lost your confidence, mainly because you are failing to make good decisions on the adjustment you need to keep up with your own changing feelings.

I think if you recognize that you can no longer use females to feel good about yourself, and find what besides the quick fix sex release makes you happy, not only will you be clear on the things YOU need to do for yourself, you will understand its YOU that have to adjust your own thinking.

So don't get stuck on gay rappers, and think it applies to you, because it doesn't unless you think you are a rapper, or want to be!! Then it still doesn't apply, because you are not gay. You just try to use that because of your issue with the one girl, is all. Sometimes when we don't know, or understand, the mind tells us all sorts of things that sound good and make sense, on paper (TV, magazines), but mean nothing and turn out to be somebody else's wack idea.

That's why you are obsessed, and paranoid, because you have no facts to fall back on that explains you, in a way you can understand, and you out of fear, have scared yourself into believing BULL CRAP.

Actually, just look up Premature Ejaculation, and you will see it's a common problem, with common sense solutions. At least you will have facts, and not from some grocery store magazine, or BET cable show. And you can replace fear, with knowledge, and BS with common sense.

darius87 · Jan 21, 2012, 10:26 AM

I seriously don't know why I accuse girls of cheating, maybe because I am passionate and can fall in love with a woman very easy. If I don't get bored of her I just fall in love and start accusing them of cheating I think maybe I'm insecure. I was considering a counselor or therapist. I think maybe I have too much time on my hands.

What's worse is I slept with a woman last week and when I called her yesterday she said to me that when she got home she had to finish her self off . That really knocked my confidence again. But she still wants to meet up again and have sex so now there is pressure for me to perform this time.

talaniman · Jan 21, 2012, 11:12 AM

Well go sow your wild oats young emotional guy, just be careful, as you suffer through your growing pains.

Cat1864 · Jan 21, 2012, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by darius87

whats worse is i slept with a woman last week and when i called her yesterday she said to me that when she got home she had to finish her self off . that really knocked my confidence again. but she still wants to meet up again and have sex so now there is pressure for me to perform this time.

That was her problem not yours. She should have communicated her needs better while you were still in the same place. You are not a mind reader so unless she tells you what she is thinking and/or feeling you can't know. If she tells you and you ignore her, then it becomes your issue.

Something to keep in mind is that many (if not most) women cannot orgasm from only penetration. So if she needs extra/different stimulation then it is up to her to let you know and for you to understand that it isn't a mark against your prowess if she does.

Being passionate doesn't mean you have to allow your emotions to run away with you. If you fall in love too easily, then look at what you consider love. Is that the proper term or is lust? Is it when you find lust becoming love that part of you panics and looks for an 'out'?

yunalesca · Jan 21, 2012, 07:38 PM

You're not gay trust me. You're paranoid. You should ask yourself why you have problems in your relationships. (this is caused by your personality, not your sexual preference)Can you think of anything?

darius87 · Jan 21, 2012, 07:44 PM

I don't know I'm an only child, I haven't really achieved anything in life. I am easily influenced. The gay thoughts went away but I can feel them coming back. Maybe I have ocd or something I really just don't know what the problem is to be completeley honest.

talaniman · Jan 21, 2012, 09:13 PM

I do, your man hood is based on getting with a female. Makes you feel good. You are a failure without a female.

JudyKayTee · Jan 22, 2012, 07:44 AM

I see some big self confidence issues here. I also wonder - if you don't think you can satisfy a woman, what makes you think you can satisfy a man?

Cat1864 · Jan 22, 2012, 08:56 AM

Darius, other than hooking up with females, what do you do that helps you feel better about yourself? Do you have any interests or hobbies that help you feel more confident about who you are as an individual?

Do you ever enjoy being by yourself and not caring if there is another person around?

darius87 · Jan 22, 2012, 11:46 AM

Judy Kay tee that's a really good question. When I asked myself that question I thought I wouldn't want to satisfy a man because I don't care about men. I think its self confidence too. I always find something subconciously to stop me from progressing whether its an excuse or a delusional problem. I have a lot of time on my hands I think. When it comes to sex I've been months nearly a year without sex before. When I have a girl I do feel happier until the lust wears off and I get paranoid. You people are right I have to work on myself first.