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chiefster · Jan 19, 2012, 03:18 PM

I am 30 and has been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. he us 35.. about a year ago he was diagnosed with a mental condition and anxiety and depression.. needless to say, it was very tough thankfully he is okay now. Heis on a few different medication to control all of these conditions,I have a last year, we have not had any sex what soever I understood in the beginning. but now I am getting very frustrated, because he is fully functional living a normal life, but I can't come near him. He has no desire, he admits it just doesn't even cross his mind. As devastated as this makes me, I stick by him.. cause I love him dearly.. id do anything in the world for this man, but this is becoming too much for me. I've pleaded with him to come see a doctor, that ill help him through figuring this all out and be supportive, but he refuses to go. I can't tell you how hurt this makes me or how depressed uve become over it all. I tell him this , this is our only real problem, we live each other and never fight.. But I cannot live sexless forever. I feel at this point he is being selfish, I don't understand how he can so fully neglect my needs. Not only does he not want sex, but he won't touch me or please me in any way. It's awful, makes me ferel so unattractive , and I'm not at all... I get tons if attention from men, just not the man I love. Yet he swears he is attracted to me and loves me, he says it had nothing to do with love! this is just crazy... help please.

JudyKayTee · Jan 19, 2012, 04:17 PM

Is he on medication for depression? What you are experiencing is an acknowledged, recognized side effect of certain medications.

chiefster · Jan 19, 2012, 04:26 PM

Yes, he's on cymbalta for depression as well as an antipsychotic..

nestasage · Jan 24, 2012, 11:48 AM

You never know how it can change. If you don't want to be with him, you should end it. My boyfriend just dumped me because I have depression and no sex drive. I wanted to please him, but he didn't want me to change myself for him. Maybe that was just an excuse to dump me. :( I am heartbroken, but at least I know he didn't really love me. Real love doesn't break up because of sex. That fades anyway with time.

chiefster · Jan 24, 2012, 11:55 AM

I am sorry to hear that, id never leave cause of this, if the love is there, I could never walk away.. so I feel for u.. I am being patient with him. I understand it must be frustrating for him too.. but see you said you were trying to please him, to not neglect him... whereas my boyfriend completely

chiefster · Jan 24, 2012, 11:58 AM

Sorry, I hit the button too fast... my boyfriend acts like I'm crazy for still pursuing him, and disregards my feelings, that's what leaves me hopeless.. :(

Synnen · Jan 24, 2012, 12:18 PM

PLEASE do not use chat speak. It makes you look 12 years old in an adult forum.

I am the one with the lower sex drive in my relationship, and NOTHING makes me shut down and not want sex even LESS than being nagged about it. Have you tried just being quiet about it for a full month or two?

If that is the case and he will not consult a doctor, then you should see a counselor yourself. If the lack of sex is affecting you that badly, then you do need to make the decision to either stay (in which case you don't get to complain about it) or leave.

You need to have a frank conversation with your boyfriend WHEN SEX IS NOT ON THE TABLE about what you'd like from your relationship and the amount of effort he needs to put into it so that you don't want to leave. Sex is a discussion in a loving relationship as much as money, children, or who gets the funnies first are. You need to CONTINUE to discuss it, over and over, so that you BOTH understand where the other person is coming from.