[Degausser818]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months. He treats me the best I've ever been treated, and we literally have everything in common. I love every moment we spend together, and I really do care about him. But... Whenever I'm not with him, I'm always thinking of this guy I met 6 months ago that I never really got over. We never dated because he never gave me a chance, but I always think about him and how it never worked out, and sometimes I even wish I'd rather be with him over my boyfriend, which absolutely kills me inside. The truth is, if this guy magically decided to give me a chance, I would probably take it and leave my boyfriend.

I truly care about my boyfriend, and If he were gone I would lose not only my lover but my best friend. But I feel like I'm cheating him by still thinking about this other guy. I can see myself being with my boyfriend for a very long time; we agree on everything and never run out of things to do or say. But I just feel like the feelings aren't deep, but they are with this other guy.

So I'm wondering, what should I do, stay with my boyfriend, who makes me happy, or break up with him because of my feelings about the other guy who I don't have a chance with? I'm so confused.

[talaniman]

Relax, you are hardly the first to love the one your with, because you can't be with the one you want. Its more about being with someone, anyone than it is about who.

Some people just want to be with someone, and its good to be with a great person who treats you well, but the issue to address is why are you still dwelling on the wants of the past, and gotten into a relationship before you resolved your feelings of the old one.

To be fair though, we often dwell on the one that got away and fantasize about what if. The key is never act on those fantasies, and realize that's all they are, deep wishes that never happened, as bad as we wanted them too. Always keep fantasy, and reality in the proper perspective.

Some times day dreams and fantasies seem so real, because they bring out some very intense emotions, sometimes more intense than real life, BUT they are not. Don't cross the lines of good behavior, and never act on fantasies, no matter how intense the feelings.

[Ice_Princess]

Well, some say fantasizing counts as cheating. By any chance, have you seen Gone with the Wind? In it Scarlett wants the one man she can't have, only in the end to realize that was the only reason why she wanted him, and she truly loved her husband: the man who understood her best, who she could be herself around, and knew and accepted her, and he was no stranger to her.

Sometimes the only way to get over something is to have no regrets. If you go to that other guy, tell him how you feel and try to have a relationship, your what-if's about that guy will disappear. BUT before you do that, if you choose to do so, you owe it to your boyfriend to be straight up and honest with him. Tell him how you feel; that in order to truly be committed to the relationship you have with him, there are things in your past you need to clear out of your closet. After you've cleared out the clutter and are truly ready for new relationships, say you'll let him know, and if he's still interested, then he'll let you know. Also, make sure he knows what "clearing out your closet" means. If you try to have a relationship with the other guy without having a clear break-up with your boyfriend and letting him know that there's a possibility that your "clutter" won't be a short fling, then starting a relationship with the other guy would so be considered cheating.

Remember, and think, how you would want your boyfriend to handle this if the situation was reversed. Would you want him to be honest, clear past issues, and then, possibly, fully commit to you (or possibly, stay with that other girl, cause you said it could be a possibility)? Or would you want him to try to sneak a "getting over that other person" while in a relationship with you? Or would you want him to stick with you, all the while fantasizing more and more about someone else?

Please watch Gone with the Wind. Perhaps it could teach you some hard lessons about life in a way you can observe, instead of make yourself. There's still the chance that you could get over the other guy without being his girlfriend first, and leave you content with your present boyfriend. Or you could be happy with the other guy. Whatever works out. As long as it's done honestly so there's less to feel guilty about.