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getbetter32 · Dec 28, 2011, 11:34 AM

This year I found out my husband of 13 years almost 14 cheated on me for since 2010 with two different women. I had my suspitions and that's how I found out. He lied to me when one of the women whom was my cousin told me they slept together. I believed him over her. But then I found out he was on a singles website, confronted him and said he didn't sleep with anyone I forgave him. But now I found pics of him a lady at our local bank who visited our church and was always being super nice to me. I just confronted him last night and he finally told me everything. He says he wants to make it work and I want to make it work. But how do I get past the anger and hurt in order to move on?
How can I begin to trust again? We have 4 children all under the age of 12, I don't want them to see my anger and frustration and mommy and daddy not being happy with each other. Whatdo I do now?

JudyKayTee · Dec 28, 2011, 12:35 PM

It's a pat answer but... counselling. I doubt very much that you can get through this together. I would be so angry I doubt I could even LOOK at him - and, of course, you don't want the children to be upset.

He has to rebuild trust, and that takes time.

How do you attend family events when your cousin is there? I never understand why women turn on each other when a man cheats... but she's FAMILY!

joypulv · Dec 28, 2011, 01:13 PM

I agree about counselling. You get to express your hurt to him/in front of him but with someone else there to help guide you and keep everyone in check. He gets to explain why he cheated (a lot of men say they don't know but then it turns out they wish their wives were more willing to have sex). Maybe HIS father cheated after 4 kids and it has nothing to do with you being 'mom' all day and all worn out by night.

I've been married but didn't have children. I have no idea how women are moms all day and yet can show enthusiasm for their husbands at night.

Then you work on what the marriage needs to get back on track. It's work. Give and take. Communication. Finding out what each other needs, wants, is missing.