[DeadDonkey]

So I've been friends with Jo for 3 1/2 years, and she is amazing, in every single way. We used to see each other every day, and for the first full year, I'm quite sure she thought she was straight, and she was into me, and I was into her, and we messed about a few times but it never went anywhere after that. The second year, she stayed far more silent, and was really quite different, and I almost ended up forgetting about her. Then at the beginning of 2011 we started spending a bit more time together, but at this point we lived farther apart, we didn't work together, and we were both short of cash and transport, so it's a lot harder to get together. Still, though, we hung out in town, went to a theme park when it came to town, etc etc, good stuff, then over the summer there was a month-long lapse in contact, more or less, then after that, just talking on Facebook, texting, things like that, meaningless stuff, I hate it, we barely saw each other face-to-face.

Then in August, - which seems a lifetime ago now, this has been the slowest few months of my life if I think about it, but I digress - I used a relatively homophobic term (I was ranting about rick perry) and she seemed to overreact, relative to how people generally act, and something clicked. The way she had acted for the past two years had made sense. So, I asked her, in a somewhat drawn-out but still quick way, if she was a lesbian. And after making me promise never to repeat a detail of the conversation (Yeah yeah, I guess I could be called untrustworthy. Oh well.) she admitted it. We talked a bit more that day, but it was... strange, and we chatted the next day, but then I just kept to myself for about a week - probably the longest week of my life.

In fact, every day since then, I haven't been able to get her out of my head. After that week was up, I decided to tell her what I thought of her, because it wouldn't make a difference if she couldn't be attracted to me, and I went a bit far, as I always do when I'm tired, like I am right now.
And the whole thing was sort of forgotten about. I was unable to contact her by phone for a while, but I got a new, cheap one, and found about 100 messages arriving when I turned it on, from when I didn't have one, then we talked nonstop for the next 3 days, then chilled out, and we have been talking since then, being more honest with each other than we ever were, and more communicative, but for some reason something feels off.

And here's the kicker: She thinks I'm gay, too on top of everything. I'm confident I could handle the situation as-is, but that just ****s it up. Its so ridiculously impossible to get any kind of relationship with her from the spot I'm in right now, and its frustrating. She even looks and acts like a lesbian by the day; she cut her hair short, she flirts with girls, etc, but she's afraid to come out of the closet, so on top of ****ing. EVERYTHING. SHE IS USING ME AS A BEARD. So. Biggest. Tease. Ever. She's a lesbian, she thinks I'm gay, and we have to pretend we are a couple, all the while it being impossible for us to be one in reality, no matter how much I would love that. She really is great, I never felt this way about anyone, it isn't even a sexual thing, it's a caring thing.

WAT DO.

[Fr_Chuck]

She thinks you are gay, so you are just one of the girls hanging out with her. This is not going anyway,
How you would act if a man was in love with you and hoped you would agree to be with him only because you hung out with him doing guy things. Could you change to be with a guy ? She won't either.

[DeadDonkey]

That is a good way to look at it, actually, I was finding it hard to find a good analogy for this because of how much is wrong with the situation.

However, I must clear a thing or two up; Up until around, ooh, June or so, she was unsure about her sexuality, the 6-18 months beforehand, she went through various different confusing stages in a fluid sexuality.
And, I really phrased a piece wrong: I was actually quite sure of my own homosexuality, she doesn't think I'm gay without reason, because I was never really interested in many girls beforehand, especially not feminine ones, and I actually noticed guys more. So shortly before she confessed to me her own lesbianism, I had begun thinking I was gay, its all very coincedental.
That is, until, recently, after talking to her a lot more, I found I still had feelings for her, like I've never had for anyone, no matter what gender, which has confused the **** out of me. I shouldn't have played it off in the question like I was fully hetero, and there no reason to believe otherwise, but I was trying to keep things less complicated than they already were.

Ach, of course, none of it matters; you are right, there's absolutely nothing that can be done about this, and it can go nowhere, though for the record I doubt she'd look at me as a girl, considering I'm quite masculine, and if she did see me like that it would give me better chances than if she saw me as I am, considering she's a lesbian, herpderp.

[smoothy]

I'd she's a lesbian then she's not going to be interested in a guy. So save your breath and time and stop trying.

Nothing wrong with being friends with her... just come to terms with the reality that she's into tacos and not sausages.

What your feelngs are doesn't matter... thats reality and you have to deal with reality.

Unless you fully intend on ruining what by your description is a pretty good friendship.

[JudyKayTee]

This thread confuses me - she probably thinks you are gay because you admit you are gay - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ot-622227.html.

"I'm gay and I notice every little thing about a guys appearance (yeah, including fingers), and I text people constantly. But if he's actually sexually harrassing you, you can tell him to stop. I really don't know if he likes you or not, but if I'm honest I notice those things and act inappropriately sometimes around straight guys I have no real interest in. It isn't personal, but you learn early on that its futile to start caring about someone whos straight."