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cupcakes07 · Dec 20, 2011, 11:34 AM

Before I start, I just want to state my position in this situation because I feel like I'm not really inter related in anyway but I'm thrown into it. I am married and my husband has a little cousin, Bob (for the sake on non confusion and privacy names have been changed) Bob's dad remarried recently and Bob is having troubles with getting along with his stepmom. The threshold was when the stepmom went into Bob's room and threw out his bedding, which she justified it as being too old and worn out so she wanted to throw it away and buy him a new set (I assume this would ease the tension between them) However, Bob felt like his privacy was being violated and lashed out at his step mother, threatening to kill her and her family (his step siblings)---This is just one of the many occasions that this had happen. He even wrote threatening messages about killing them as well. Concerned for her and her children's life she and Bob's dad called my father in-law (Bob's uncle from his dad's side). My father in-law offer for Bob to stay with him and the rest of my husbands family just because the situation was so life threatening, well Bob really didn't had a choice, he had to move and live with my father in-law and the rest of the family. My husband and I keep a close relation to my in-laws, so we're always updated on the whole situation. I have a feeling that we're going to have a "family talk" about this since my husband and I will be visiting my in-laws pretty soon. I'm more concern with Bob's well being, from the sounds of the conversations it seems that the blame is all on Bob (which I truly don't know, it's probably both the step mom and him). I can only imagine what it's like for your parents to divorce and then sudden move into a new family, I don't think my in-laws as well as his parents understand what he's really going through. Any advice? Here are some background information that may or may not be helpful: Bob is 16 years of age, besides having step siblings he has a brother and sister as well. We and Bob's family come from a different cultural background we're either refugee immigrants or first generations in the United States so, I and my husband may have some better understanding compare to my in-laws and Bob's parents.

JudyKayTee · Dec 20, 2011, 12:11 PM

I don't know what the question is.

As far as I can tell "Bob" threatened to kill people and went so far as to put those thoughts in writing. He's dangerous.

Difficult divorce or not - you can't possibly believe this is normal, to be accepted, behavior!

cupcakes07 · Dec 20, 2011, 12:22 PM

Let me clarify, I'm not technically asking for a question, maybe just opinions or in put on the situation.

kendra_pg · Dec 20, 2011, 01:19 PM

Children lash out in many different ways, though most are not as dramatic as this, is does occur. My advice would be to mention some counseling not only for the boy but for the whole family. At this age his hormones are raging and adding a new dramatic stresser like this sometimes makes it harder to control. Counseling could not only help him to learn control but also help the family learn from each other and maybe help to get all the pain out in the open and build from it.

JudyKayTee · Dec 21, 2011, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by cupcakes07

Let me clarify, I'm not technically asking for a question, maybe just opinions or in put on the situation.

Unfortunately AMHD is a Q and A board, not a chat site.

What would I do? Depends on how I'm involved in the situation. Otherwise you have my thoughts.

I work in the legal system. I don't take threats casually.