[alexandradrozdz]

I feel like such a nutcase when I try to stop my parents fighting. Why can't they see the effect it's having on me? It's like they want me to put up with their behaviour but I can't. It's too much. Nothing I do changes anything. And I feel like I've gone mental and a bad person for trying to change things. Is this true?

[joypulv]

First question I have is how old are you?
Once you hit 18 you should LEAVE the house, no matter how poor you are, split rents with roommates even if you have to share rooms, whatever it takes to get away. It isn't your job to fix your parents, and you can't anyway. Yes, it's harmful to children but it's a common fact of life, and you will find others in the same boat to commiserate with.

[MR.know]

People have their own problem and it mostly cause by stress with reason behind it. Stopping your parent is a right thing to do when you don't want to see it happen.trying to stop parent from fighting can effect them and it show that you care and don't want problem to happen in the family. If your parent tell you to stay out of this then you should be honest with your feeling and tell them how it effect you. No matter what they say to you be brave and tell them I don't want a family that fight every time, and it hurt me just seeing you two fight.

[kjoy82]

I grew up in an average family. Then my father at the age of 33 came down with M.S. He had to retired from the fire dept. My mother went off the deep end big time, drinking, drugs, etc.
That's when the fights and screaming started.
One day at the age of 14, my parents were fighting. My sister ran into my bedroom and she was terrified... she said that my mom was hitting my father.
I ran into the kitchen, and saw my (disabled and not able to walk) father on the floor holding a chair over his head to protect himself from my mother, she was going off on him...
I screamed for them to stop, ran over and pulled my mother off him. At that time the chair that my father was holding over his head accidentally jammed into my neck. I could not breath, or talk for several seconds. That's when they both finally realized that I was there and trying to stop them.
I was OK but bruised pretty bad. And yeah they stopped fighting...
But just for that day...
Keep your distance so you will not get hurt. Call the police or other family members for help if needed.

I wanted to share this with you to show you that you are not the only one out there who goes through thing such as this.

Ask all the questions you need to ask...
And stay strong and stay safe OK? :)

[alexandradrozdz]

Thank you so much for your help. But I'm afraid even telling them how much it pains me to see them fighting isn't going to work. For example, I told my mum about it and she told me to mind my own business. In fact my mum is worse when she's in a fight. She abuses my dad verbally and blames him for everything that goes wrong. She clearly expects me and my younger sister to put up with it but well it's not easy. I know that I am old enough to leave but I don't have the money. I also don't have a job at the moment as I'm doing further education at my secondary school in Sixth Form although I've been trying to get one for ages. I really appreciate the help you've offered but I don't believe it will change anything. I don't think my mum and dad and especially my mum will ever see their fighting in the same way as I do. My mum does not love my dad in any way. With the exceptions of his birthday, and the time when he went into hospital to be treated for gallstones she has never been genuinely nice to him at all.
Sometimes when they talk however it seems that they are getting along, but in fact they don't. I also think my mum either has bipolar disorder or simply anger issues I'm not sure. Because one minute the house will be all calm and she'll be happy to see me which I like about her, but then if one little thing goes wrong, she starts to get angry. I won't say she lashes out, but she does tend to raise her voice. And she always backstabs my dad in front of my relatives, telling them how lazy he is and so on. I just don't think she can get on with most people. She's also never appreciated my dad's family especially his mother who is now my late grandmother, because she was simply a stage actress when she was younger. I know my grandmother may have been a little quirky and all, but in a good way, and my mother once called her a lunatic. That's also another thing my Mum does; calls people names (I won't list them).

Alexandra Drozdz

[kjoy82]

I understand what you are saying... my mother was bi polar, then came the drinking and the drugs.
She was very abusive. And she did similar things like that to my father.
He moved out eventually... but then... she projected her wrath onto me.

Try your best to concentrate on yourself right now. Stay in school. Keep looking for a job. Talk to friends and family if you have them Ok? And DO NOT be ashamed (like I was) to speak out! You will not be judged for talking about your troubles.
Now it is NOT going to be easy but go through the motions of bettering yourself anyway and thinking positive, you have an awesome future to look forward to!
After a little time goes by it will be easier and easier for you to do this. Do not give up!

There are some really good self help books out there to help you. Showing different ways others have handled being in your situation (I did this for myself).
You can not change people sweetie... they can only better themselves if they want to...
You can't do it for them... been there, done that (for years)... do not be like I was. I made myself ill trying to help them...


If they want to live the way that they are now living... you have to find ways to separate yourself from it.
It can be done... you have to love your own self to do it...

Please stay in touch and let me know how you are doing...
Kimberly

[Fr_Chuck]

There are really strange methods to show each other how much you love them, But it is not your place to get involved and should not even try to take sides. Your mom and dad each have choices, including separation and divorce if they want. So they chose to live together at this point.

[kjoy82]

Listen to Fr Chucks advice...