[overweight_wife]

Hubby has been cheating on me from day 1 but didn't find out for the first 3 yrs of marriage.then he had a full blown affair for the next 5 yrs.. was a major turmoil which included a miscarriage for me and then a separation.. he turned a new leaf and we got bck together.. now its been a few mnths since we got back and he hs been very caring.. but the sex life is doomed... during his cheating days it was strangely better as mayb he used to feel guilty.. he is also into porn a lot and I know about it but I've never made an issue.. anyway,he just told me that since I'm overweight(which I've been since my pregnancies-my youngest is 6)he does not feel attracted and cannot hv sex with me.I hv been going to the gym regularly for more then a year,I love working out.. I hv a toned body but I am an emotional eater and am 50pds overweight.. he says I've not made enuf effort.. well with the emotional roller coaster of a marriage I look for pleasure in food.. I wsnt hurt by what he said because I've made myself immune to his good or bad comments about me(ive heard worse from him).anyway,now my drive to lose weight is further doomed.. I'm confused and do not know how to react,what to say... I told him he can throw me out again since he again has a reason... I don't care(but I do want to lose weight and become my old self again but I've lost the motivation to do so... any advice?

[joypulv]

'I told him he can throw me out again since he again has a reason'

W-H-AAAAAT?? He can't throw you out. And if he wants to leave because he wants a woman with an hourglass figure, he should have a vasectomy and stop getting women pregnant. AND pay you lots of alimony and child support. Get some self respect, woman, and I don't mean by going to the gym. Tell him to like you the way you are or leave, with all the double costs that go along with leaving. You are a doormat and he is a big selfish baby.

[overweight_wife]

Thank you for your answer... actually,I was being sarcastic about him throwing me out.. I hv been through a separation with him so the idea of him leaving is not scary anymore... im just thinking if he is justified in demanding me to lose weight... u r right in saying that I hv the tendency to be a doormat and him being utterly selfish... he says that since he works so hard and is such a successful and rich guy,he deserves a slim and attractive wife...

[tinkerbell3229]

Aww hun you don't need his mental abuse! Please leave him because you deserve someone who loves you for who you are and not who he wants you to be! Besides it sounds as if he is undeserving of your forgiveness, I mean honestly he's cheated on you for the majority if your marriage. If anyone needs help its him. Pick yourself up, tell yourself your beautiful, and deserve so much better. Concentrate on your kiddos enlist your family to help and build a better more positive life for yourself.

[nicw1917]

First thing to do is to be honest with yourself. You said you are an emotional eater. Yourself esteem is constantly being attacked by both you and your husband. He is feeding you all this guilt bs and you believe it. You deserve better! You should be proud of yourself for being a mom not feel guilty because you gained weight with the pregnancy. You are allowing your children to learn some very bad opinions of what a relationship should be. You need to love yourself and stop listening to him. He has his own issues if he is sleeping around. It sounds like he needs to prove something to himself. There are plenty of men out there that would love to be with you exactly how you are and if not, they are not worth your time. Your children need to see your confidence, and I don't see you showing that if you stay with this man. Take charge of your life and stop letting the emotional and mental abuse slowly kill you. I did. Good Luck.

[joypulv]

Your sarcasm is a protective cover for the truth. You think he's right. I've been there too, except that my husband was actually pretty tolerant (although I think a lot was under the surface) and I was the one who felt that he deserved better.