[evarcane]

My best female friend of ten years and I realized that we were in love shortly after starting what was supposed to be a physical affair which lead to all sorts of chaos between the two of us personal lives with our mutual friends and our respective families as well as my job but throughout it all I still believed that this thing that we had found between us was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt only comparable to the love I hold for my own child to with she also made the same comparison. Well as it turns out I may have believed it more than she did, she basically turned me out and even though she will always love me it won't ever be what it was to her and she has since moved on.

But as I find myself trying to do the same I can't help but be haunted by the love I felt for her, that I still feel for her, burning deep in my soul. She was the only woman that I ever felt that I could actually see myself spending the rest of my life with happily.. . I've told her as much; I begged and pleaded but to no avail.. . Now I am in a relationship with another woman who would be pleased to spend her life with me but I can't stop thinking about 'her'.. .

I don't know what to do.. .

[talaniman]

Those that get dumped are at a disadvantage, because they haven't had a change in feelings, or had time to process things the way the dumper has. That's why you were shocked, and caught off guard. And I don't know if replacing the hole in your soul, with a substitute is a great idea. It just reminds you of what you had and lost.

I don't know how long ago this break up happened, but clearly you need more time to heal, and rebuild, and get strength, and confidence back. Obviously it will be a while to heal from a 10 year relationship. Maybe a few years.

Sorry for your loss, I know it sucks, but maybe you are too hurt and miserable to be happy with another now, and have to be happy with yourself before you can be a good partner. That's not good nor fair for the new person, or you either, to be honest.

How old are you, and how long since the break up did you get a new partner??

[evarcane]

Im 26 and its been since April of this year and my new partner and I have been together for about three months. I understand what your saying about it being unfair, appreciate your input and can see where it would be unfadir. I can say that I love this woman but we both agree that were not in love yet. I've helped her with her life a lot lately and she has a lot of feelings invested in me and my family so does her own family in me.

Odd that you said the words "hole in my soul" because after it happened that is actually what it felt like I had, a physical hole in my chest that only seemed to close when I had her in my arms.. . It never actually closed up though, just got smaller, but I can still feel it in there.

[talaniman]

Wow, you can't expect a ten year part of your life to be gotten over in just 8 months. At the very least be honest with the new girl, since she is so into you, and I imagine she thinks you feel the same.