[KPSSPK]

Ok so let me tell you why I am asking this question and why I am here.I'll try and tell you my story in brief although it is very long.
When I completed 13 I became very rude to my sisters(this is the start,this got worse in the years to come). I started using all the physical strength that I was gaining as a teenager in beating up my elder sisters.My parents used to scold and shout at me a lot,that I should respect my sisters Because they are elder to me so I should not beat them up.(I have literally kicked my sisters near the womb).Later on my behaviour went from bad to worse.We had a pet dog who was 2 years old,he was a pug.I started irritating him whenever he was given food and in a sick way started enjoying it.Slowly my dog developed a hatred towards me and some sort of fear,he started growling at me,etc.One day when I was troubling him(my pug) he broke his leg while attempting to bite me(which developed into a life long limp).I was given a beating by my daddy after this(I was 16 then).After some months My grades started going down and there were frequent quarrels between me and my mother.I started hating her whenever she used to correct me and tell me to study.One day while arguing with her I got so mad that I twisted her arm badly(which hurts her even now).My Dad lost it that day,he was about to call the police that day but somehow he didn't.When I was 19 I failed in my second year of graduation.That was the most dissapointing day of my life.My Father started hating me and we both used to have long disputes over my academics.One day In a fit of anger I slapped him.He removed me from the house and I spent some days on the roads before he let me in.While all my teen years I had a crush on a girl,I loved her like anything but as time progressed she came to know about my reality and she left me and got married.My Pug also Succumbed to the injury I had given him.My Mom and Dad divorced after my Dad's affair with his pre-marriage girlfriend came out.
My sisters have a happy married life now and Now at 23 I'm an umemployed Man who lives in a one room flat at the mercy of the flats owner.I am a looser inlife,I failed in studies,now all my friends have a job while I am a nobody.I used to tease and call names to people,but now they are successful in life while I am a complete failure in life.Now I realize how wrong I was.. I disrespected my parents,teachers,elders and even harassed my innocet pug.Now I have nothing but loneliness left in my life.My family will never forgive me after what I have done,even if they do they will never trust me.My parents had great expectations from me But I failed to fulfill their expectations.Its perhaps all the curses that I got from my family,my dog and my elders that the girl whom I loved more than anything in the world left me and eventually got married to some one.
If only time could go 10 years back... But that's not going to happen.I now realize how wrong I was,how severe mistakes I made.I illtreated my dear ones and they shall never forgive me.
Now instead of living like an alcoholic and complete looser and someone who disrespected his loved ones-I want to die.I can't live this life of slow poison anymore.All I have is loneliness.I want to commit suicide and end this hopeless life.I hope that maybe in my next birth I will be a better person.For now I want to accept my fate-Death...
I want to know from You guys is my decision correct? Is there still any hope left in my lonely life? You people are free to abuse me because I deserve that.I will be very grateful of you if you can tell me someway how my life if possible can come back on track?

[justcurious55]

Suicide is never the right answer.

I wouldn't be so sure that your family will never forgive you. It may take them time, but eventually, if you're sincere, I think they will forgive you.

I would start with counseling as a first step to getting your life back on track. They can help you get sober, either find a job or go back to school, and even figure out what sort of career you'd like to eventually pursue. They can help you with anger management techniques and communication. That way when you approach your family, you'll be able to apologize to them and show them that you've changed. And that way in the future, even if you get upset or angry, you won't lash out. You'll be able to talk about things without becoming violent.

And of course, you can always come back here to talk.

Wellness Resources | PostSecret Community

I'm not sure where in the world you're located, but here's a link with links to all sorts of hotlines in case you'd like to talk to someone right away.

[imaloserbaby]

In life you face problems. BUT to every problem there is a solution and you're looking at a negative one. Off yourself if you must but remember things get better, you only live once might as well take the ride to the last stop. If you really want to die, I'd say do hard drugs till you can't function then kill yourself. I'd do that if I wanted to die.

[Rocketsurgeon]

I just happened across this question and while I don't have the time this very second to read your entire question- I just wanted to share with you a piece of a conversation I had just the other day- I said that if anyone of my friends or family committed suicide I would NEVER ever forgive them. And I meant it. I'd be angry at them for doing it, and even more angry that I'd have to carry around that anger until my dying day. It's a selfish thing to do to leave people hurting that way. Even if there is absolutely No one you think would miss you- there are so so many people fighting for a few more months, weeks, days, even minutes to live. You have your health and that means you can become what/who ever new person you want to be. Re-invent yourself as many times as you need to until you find something you are good at and that makes you happy.
I hope you have been feeling better since your post.

[U.N.Owen]

Because of your last line I would advise you to seek normal therapy, alternative therapy, or any means that will help heal you.
From your entire post it seems like you want to correct mistakes and make up for things you felt you made an erroneous decisions on before.
And you cannot do that if you are dead.