[CaF1211]

Hello there,

I am in a whirlwind of questions and emotions and need help.
One year ago I met a wonderful man and we fell in love and started a relationship. For the past year we have spend a lot of time together as we work together in the creative field. We have always been really good being honest with one another, being care-ful and treating each other with the utmost respect. It is the first time in my life (31) that over the past year I started to feel that I am mastering a relationship as the best person I can be.

I noticed early on that he had depressive moods and needed to have alone time more often than I. I on the contrary have been struggling with abandonment issues due to crucial losses in my family since my childhood. And up to a few weeks ago we have managed to work with each other when lower times came up... Our "conflicts" usually lasted no longer then a day or two and we always kept respect and felt like we had grown from the experience.

When a friend offered us to house sit we decided to experiment with living together - three weeks ago. That was when he started to get tense / :change. I knew he has been in doubts w his career, he struggles with some weight issues and got more and more snappy - and I didn't think that our spontanious experiment might put another layer of stress on him.

After a while I became insecure and reacted with impatience 1 weeks ago and we had our first fight. He explained to me the next morning that he is overwhelmed with living together, as he had never lived w a girlfriend before, and that he needs to figure out why he is so angry and sad and where it is coming from.
- I told him I was going to move back to my house so we both have space and we hugged. I shouldve accepted it there and not pushed for more answers. But I wanted to hear from him that he still loved me and we would be all right...
I asked if this had something to do with us, and if he is still in love with me to which he answered he doesn't know and needed to wrap his head around things alone.

Midweek wrote him a compassionate email reaffirming that I loved him and cherrish the meaningful relationship we've buil - He answered and thanked me and informed me he still needed time.

After researching and trying to come to some clearer understanding of the so unexpected situation, also trying to stay calm - I put all the factors together:
Bad moods, weight gain, insomnia (heavy sleeping problems), increased alcohol intake (2 drinks a night), self doubts, pushing me away, isolation... That he might have slipped into a serious depression.

I am worried about him and wish I could lift him up and support him in this hard time. I have researched on how to support a depressed person, but honestly don't know how to behave.
- I am afraid getting in touch with him will upset him and make him think I don't respect his privacy,
I am afraid not being in touch he will just slip deeper into his depression,
I am afraid of losing him. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met and we have so many ideas of the future...

It is also shortly before christmas, and this week will be a year that we met.

That puts a big strain on me, as I just started feeling really strong with him: - just last week, 2 days before we fought, he still whispered the sweetest things in my ear, and surprised me with a thoughtful gift that reminded us of our first date,. And only a couple days later, we were in separate houses and him pushing away from me.

He is a really good person, a wonderful friend and a person who is worthwhile to invest time and emotions in.

Can anyone give me advise? I would like to be able to contact him this week. I would like to sort out my confusion and I would like him to be healthy and happy... And myself as well.

Thank you

[cdawn25]

Wow! I am just seeing this post after searching about how to cope with a boyfriend who is depressed. Pretty much the same situation is happening in my relationship. My boyfriend has a lot of things going on in his life at the moment and has decided that after almost a year of being together that he is not ready to be in a relationship. How are things going for you? Are you guys back together?