[jam555]

My son is 3 years old and I plan on getting married (date not set) but I would like for my fiancŽ to adopt my son once we are married. His father is still involved in his life (not sure if it will stay that way once we move 6 hours away) and pays child support (but is currently $860 behind and keeps switching jobs which makes him more behind). He picks him up every other weekend but that is just an agreement we have, not court ordered. But like I said, I don't know how involved he will be in his life after we move. My reasons for the adoption aren't to get rid of his father completely,if he still wants to see him I don't mind. I just want my son to feel like he fits in with our family and has the same last name as any future children we may have and not feel like "the odd one out" since our home will be his permanent residence. The only problem is I'm not sure if his dad would like this agreement, I think the only reason he would go for it is because he would no longer have to pay child support.

[ScottGem]

You are aware that he can block your move! If he goes to court to get the court to ratify the current visitation agreement then you may have to negotiate something else or he can force you to turn over custody to him.

As for an adoption or name change, not without his consent. Apparently he is an active father. You are trying to take that away from him. The courts are not going to like that.

[Fr_Chuck]

I will agree, he can file to stop the move of the child, since he is involved in the child's life, so don't pack those bags yet, and unless an agreement to allow him to continue visiting the child is reached he may well do it. If you move without it, he can file an emergancy order requiring you to return the child to that area.

Next no adoption can take place without his permission and his signing over his rights. And no name change can happen without his permission.

And I will agree, it appears he is trying to pay his support, and he is staying active in the child's life. Attempts to move away with no regard to how he will visit, will look very very bad in court. Could even be grounds for him to ask for custody of the child and let you figure on how to visit. * seen it happen.

[jam555]

I will still allow him to visit after I move if that's what he wants, I'm not trying to take that away. And where we are moving is not out of state, just 6 hours away.

[Fr_Chuck]

But he will file that the six hours makes it impossible to visit, 6 hours one way, 12 hours round trip, to costly, and too much time.
Unless you are gong to pay for the trips, agree to meet him 1/2 way, ( how do you feel about making 12 hour trips ever other weekend ?)

When I had my agreement I could not move more than 30 min away from ex without permission. She won that in court .

[ScottGem]

You seem to think you are totally in control. But that's not the case. Now maybe he won't care, maybe he won't know what his rights are and not do anything. I don't know. What I do know is he is a part of his child's life and has been seeing his child alternate weekends by mutual agreement. Even though there is no court order to that affect, you are seeking to change what he has without his permission. If he goes to court, it is likely they won't allow it.

[jam555]

I know I'm not in full control and that he does have say in it, I'm just wondering how to go about all of this. The move would be what is best for the my son, whether he agrees with my decision. The father only seems to do what's convenient for him (it's a really long story that goes back to when my son was born). Honestly, I think the only reason he picks him up every weekend and not just whenever he feels like it is because his parents would be on his case about it because they like seeing him every other weekend. He is very irresponsible and the only reason he would ever try for custody would be if he gets married and has someone to care for our son more than the 2 days he has him. I know to you I sound very rude towards him but there is a long story behind it and things he's done throughout the years to make me feel this way. Thank you so much for your responses!

[jam555]

Also, I will notify him of the move and give him the opportunity to come upon and agreement for visitation.

[ScottGem]

Ok so the child's grandparents are driving this. That makes it harder since they may be more inclined to force him to fight it.

The point is there is a current schedule in place. Even though its not be court order, it is documentable. He doesn't have to agree to any change. If he doesn't and goes to court to affirm the current arrangement, the court may side with him.

[jam555]

I understand all this, I'm just confused as how to go about it. I don't think he will have a problem with the distance if I give him the option of visitation (meeting him half way or whatever arrangement is decided). I'm just looking for some input and you have been very helpful! Would talking to a lawyer be smart before bringing any of this up to the father? The move wouldn't happen for at least another 6-8 months. I'm not trying to deny him any visitation, although with a 6 hour distance I doubt the every other weekend plan would be suitable, but maybe he could have him for extended periods during school breaks and such since he will be starting preschool next August? I do have a small feeling that once I do move he will start coming around less and eventually not at all, which upsets me because if he is going to stop seeing his child I would much rather he do it while he is still young enough to forget about it and not old enough to think his dad doesn't love him and doesn't want him. It may be sad to say but I do wish he would stop coming around, but for the sake of my son I will not force that. There are times when he tells me he doesn't want to go see his dad, and I feel bad that I have to make him but I can't tell his dad he can't pick him up for that reason. Is there any way I can get full custody (so I am the sole decision maker for my son) and still give his father the option of visitation?

[Fr_Chuck]

Notify him, if he agrees to some terms, get him to write it out and sign it, it will show you discussed it and got permission

[ScottGem]

You have to apply to the court for full legal custody. But you will have to show a good reason why.