[tinkerbellbabes]

What should I do so I won't get affected by negative comments and criticisms? I always have this problem when people act differently with me. I feel I did something wrong or they don't like me even though it is only me thinking about it. Guess that is the reason why I don't want to let go when I'm in a relationship even though it is not working anymore because I feel secure if I'm with someone who says he loves me even if its not genuine.
I really want to overcome this so I can take control of myself won't be dependent with anyone. I want to be comfortable with myself so I can be confident in defending myself. Also, how do you overcome negative thoughts and feelings like anger, doubts, sadness etc.

[Teaching]

This is a really good question, I find I struggle with this myself. I think it really comes down to knowing and believing in yourself. I find that people can be critical and sometimes may try to test us, however if we are strong in ourself they cannot get through us. I know it is hard however when someone says something, just see if there is anything true in it, take what you can and throw the rest of the negative comments away. Remember sometimes it is the other person's lack of self-esteem to criticize someone else. Hope it helps a bit.

[valinors_sorrow]

I believe the cause of this is from not being finished with growing up on the inside. Some of us, especially if we come from difficult families, don't get the proper support needed to do all the usual growing up that people need to do. Shoot, I was a child in an adult body for a long time and it was very painful to me and to some of the people I was close to. It was truly not my fault I was raised that badly. My family was incapable because they too were not grown, even the adults. It is one of the big difference between a functional or dysfunctional family -- are the adults well, adult or not.

However as an adult it was my responsibility to do something about it and it took professional help for me to overcome it. While I had wonderful trustworthy friends who loved me, they really weren't in a position to help me, nor should they be asked to. I lost friends asking and even demanding their help before I realised I needed more help than they could give.

I found good professional help, they helped me grow up the rest of the way and life has been soooooooooo much easier ever since. Not everyone requires professional help. And you certainly don't have to be "crazy" to seek one. I have seen some do this same kind of growing up as a result of other things-- reading, supportive friends, finding online help etc. but that has not been the majority of what I've seen.

Being a candle in the wind as an adult stands a good chance of indicating arrested emotional development. And usually people try to counter it with being either overly rigid or needy, which doesn't work. I hope that is some helpful food for thought.

[NeedKarma]

It's all about self-esteem and it's the million dollar question for us parents raising kids. We want our children to have good sel-esteem to overcome peer pressure and the hiccups in the road of life. If you don't feel good about yourself then you are easily brought down. If you feel that you are a good person doing good things and you are happy with yourself then someone else's opinion is not that important to you (except for your cherished inner circle of the people you love and respect).

This site seems to pull it all together nicely: Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide

[Anxiety2Calm]

Hi, I too battled with this for a long time.

I agree with all that has been said above, but I wanted to add one or two things which helped me.

Firstly, it helped me to see the criticism, bile and negative body language that people gave me as radiating from them in a circle. Perhaps, at the moment you see everything bad they say or do towards you, however tiny, coming directly towards you. That is not the case.

In fact, all of their negative emotions and low self esteem are radiating out from them in all directions and are hitting you just because you happen to be there, it is nothing to do with you as a person.

My tip: Try and feel sorry for them, and try to send them positive vibes and unconditional caring. They are not perfect people and their imperfections are eating them from the inside. Humour them, they are weak. For more info on self-esteem click here.