[zaeers]

Me and my step mom don't have a relationship at all.she told me in the car today that I add so much stress in her life. I did not say one word to her and I still have not spoken to her. Help me I want to talk to her.

[DaniCalifornia]

Talk to her like an adult. Ask her how you're stress to her, and what you can do to make things easier. Make it clear you want to establish a healthy relationship.

X Dani

[JudyKayTee]

Me and my step mom don't have a relationship at all.she told me in the car today that I add so much stress in her life. I did not say one word to her and I still have not spoken to her. Help me I want to talk to her.

This question fits right in with my life experience. I'm a stepmother with FIVE stepchildren.

I'm a person, just like any other person. I talk to them with respect, like they are people, and they talk to me in the same fashion. I love and married their father. They came included in the package. You can't pick your stepmother, and she can't pick her stepchildren.

Some of this depends on how the relationship between your father and mother ended. Divorce? Death? Both present different situations involving different feelings, emotions and concerns.

Why does she think/believe/say you've added stress to her life? Do you live with her and your father? Did she say it in anger, in frustration? You must have at least a sense of what she's talking about.

My stepchildren talk to me like they talk to anyone else with the added connection of being family. I talk to them in the same manner. Sometimes we disagree. No one gets nasty or disrespectful (not me, not them) and it's a family disagreement, soon over.

In most cases my husband stays out of a conflict - it's my relationship with them (and the other way around), not his relationship with them or with me.

If there's a problem between you and your stepmother you both need to sit down and discuss it - calmly! She may very well resent the time, attention and money your father spends on you. You may very well resent the time, attention and money he spends on her.

You need to figure out what the problem is before you solve it.

Ask her. She's the only one who knows.

[Asker33]

Tell your dad, and you can both sit down with your stepmom and talk it out :) xxx

[Wondergirl]

Ask her to tell you about when she was a little girl and about growing up when and where she did. I'll bet she has some good stories! Were toys different, what did she like to eat, how was her school, did she have brothers and sisters, did she have a pet, what did she do after school, did she belong to any clubs, does she remember her first kiss?? -- lots of questions to ask! Ask one new question a day. Maybe make it at a certain time, like "the 7 p.m. question of the day." (And be a good listener!)