[awesome_shinoda]

There is a girl in my college... 2 years junior to me...
The very first day I saw her.. I liked her... a very charming personality unlike mine...
I wanted to be friends with her... BUT the kind of guy I am... I could never ask for her cell number.. Instead I gave my number to them and that night itself she texted me regarding some college matter...

That day onwards... we are constantly in touch... we text each other entire day... I like to pour in to her and she also likes that... we used to talk on the phone and text each other... But in college whenever we used to come near each other... both of us used to become awkward to the situation... dunno why.. maybe due to the presence of our friends...

Now then I did a very foolish thing... I said to her that I feel for her... and she said that its not like that from her side... (She is a kind of girl who will never love someone in such a short span of time)... after that also our relation didn't change at all... In fact we got more close to each other in terms of sharing each other's opinions...

Then one fine day I asked her out... she readily agreed... we spent quite some time together... but after that meeting she made it clear to me that "not to misinterpret this meeting and that she goes out with her friends"... WELL SHE IS SINGLE... NOT MENTIONED THAT BEFORE...

Our bonding strengthened even more... then we had a misunderstanding... and I stopped talking to her... started behaving rudely with her... very rudely.. it lasted 7 days... then the misunderstanding got cleared after we met and talked... after that our bonding strengthened even more... the frequency of calls increased...

Even she said to me indirectly that she likes me too... but she was afraid that it was not love... and that this liking may not be permanent... so she doesn't want a relation...

Now after so many months of being so close to each other... she is repenting...
She thinks that she has become like many other *****es... who are using guys and not getting committed to anyone... I asked her to give a chance to the relationship as she too likes me... she agreed to that she likes me...

BUT there was another misunderstanding... I misunderstood... "I like you" didn't mean in that sense... she meant that she enjoyed being with me.. she enjoyed talking to me... according to her she is just using me... pouring in to me and getting my support... she thinks that is a sort of "using" and so she is feeling guilty...
She doesn't feel the attraction the madness toward me... and so she thinks that there is never a chance of any relationship...

She wants me to start seeing other girls... BUT it is not just possible for me.. SHE is already the center of my world... I can't think of anything or anyone else...
Now if I avoid any contact with her... she won't let that happen... and even I don't want that... I feel that the attraction may come someday... I may be wrong though... BUT the thing is that... I cannot ignore her... that is going to hurt me like anything...

AND it would hurt her too... after saying all this... she was not being able to concentrate... I became a bit indifferent toward her for a day... she found that the generosity, the sweetness in me was missing and so she said... "you are very rude sometimes".. means it was hurting her too... even she was not being able to concentrate on her studies after doing this...

PLEASE SUGGEST WHAT I SHOULD DO SO THAT I Don't FEEL THE PAIN... IS THERE ANY CHANCE THE GIRL WOULD FALL FOR ME ?

[talaniman]

You push to hard, and expect too much, and are to available to her friendship, and even after she has told you she isn't wanting a relationship, still you chase and want one.

Accept the friendship, and have other things in your life besides her, because you are on a path of misery and pain, and false hope. She will not be the cause of it, your disappointment at being rejected will. Making her the center of your life will cause pain, making her the reason to be happy will cause pain.

Accept she wants no relationship, will free you to be happy with your life, and yourself without her, and you appreciating her friendship, and getting to know each other, without expecting romance, titles, commitment, or ownership.

You want to avoid the pain? Stop being so stuck on someone that's NOT giving you what you want, when you want it.

[awesome_shinoda]

But the thing is that... she once said me that there is a thin line between "like" and "love"... she likes me definitely...
She said that in "like", one is afraid that if that liking doesn't last long... then?
She even said to me once that "you are such a guy...your partner can never be unfaithful to u...coz hurting you would be very very difficult...."

What I think is... she is commitment phobic now...

She just had a bad relation... the guy ditched her... she is not over him yet...

She even said that she doesn't love me... doesnt love anyone... wants to stay single...

After knowing all these... can I expect her to fall for me someday??

Another thing... we had very few meetings(3 meetings)... more of our relation is in texts and phn calls...
She also wants to meet me more... as I do...

Meetings... can they affect our relation...
I don't just want to remain good friends with her...

Please give me some tips... which a friend never does...
I want to bring it up to her... that I don't want to remain friends... if there is no possibility of ny relatn then I will go for "no contact"... coz its going to hurt me if I stay like this

[talaniman]

You are right, staying on this course will hurt you in the long run. But my friend, no one, no friend, no wise man can give you outcomes. No one can say if she will change her feelings. She probably doesn't know either.

But from what you have written I can say that you know she needs time to heal from her past before she is strong enough to know what she wants. You want tips to bring her to YOUR thinking. There are none, but I would tell a friend in your situation is to leave her alone and stop being available. To continue trying to convince her to give you what you want, simply pushes her away, because its contrary from what she needs, a non committed way of getting a lot of attention when she needs it. A friend, who wants NOTHING from her.

If you cannot do that with an honest heart, and with NO expectations from her at all, then leave her alone. Because a false friendship is a lot worse than No friendship. Its not about her, its about your own selfish need to have something that you were told you can't have, and your inability to accept her rejection, and deal with it, cope with it, and adjust in a healthy way for yourself.

You lack the discipline to deal with this hurt flawed human, and therefore in my opinion, should leave her alone. I don't know how you term it in your culture, but in mine, you would be the darn fool who keeps running head first into a break wall at full speed, thinking if you keep hitting it hard as you can you will break the wall down.

You cannot accept the brick wall is harder than your head, just as you cannot accept she is rejecting your romantic love. Instead you say she cannot commit, instead of seeing that she doesn't WANT to commit to YOU, and no logical argument can change her heart.

Sorry to be harsh guy, but you better grow up and accept reality, and deal with this situation with dignity, self respect, and class, and get better control of YOURSELF. Just some friendly advice, to add to what I have already written before, which you blindly rejected without thought.

Don't bother protesting, I already know you will only listen to what you want to hear, a very human flaw when we get desperate and cannot have what we want.

[amicon]

When things turn out to be complicated,and not straight forward,you need to have a good think about what you want and need in life.

Confusion is never attractive.

Don't,after no real interaction,make anyone the centre of your world.

In fact,never make another person the centre of your world.

Be your own centre.

[awesome_shinoda]

@talaniman

I understood what you want to say...
And that is what I intended to do... to walk away from her life...
I even said her that being in touch will only hurt me more...

I even said that I cannot change my feelings for her... and I don't want a false friendship...
But she did not let me walk away...

And now after that confession took place...
Today and day before...

She has started to behave in a very sweet way... suddenly she is telling me that she likes the matured guy I am and also likes the cute child I am from within...

This she said me... after she got my reaction... when she said me... how would I react if she would have kissed a guy...

After my reaction she said... "i will never kiss a guy whom i dont love"... nd also said that she likes the cute child in me...

We were talking about "open relationship"... then she said that "our relationship...can u name it ? no...its upto the individuals to decide what they want from one another"

What am I supposed to do if she doesn't let me walk away?

I think I will give some more time to her... to realize if she really has feelings for me...
And then... I would walk away... even I don't want to continue this one sided friendship- one sided love thing for a long time...

[talaniman]

what am I supposed to do if she doesn't let me walk away?

How is this HER choice?

I think I will give some more time to her... to realize if she really has feelings for me...

She has feelings, but not like yours, but I suppose you know how much you can take.

And then... I would walk away... even I don't want to continue this one sided friendship- one sided love thing for a long time...

What's to stop her from letting you walk away? Oh that's right, you DO NOT WANT TO NOW, but when you are ready and see no hope.

I get you.

[awesome_shinoda]

@talaniman

So after knowing everything...
Do you think I am a fool to give a chance to this relationship of ours...

Obviously... after getting more close with her... I will have my own demands... which I won't be getting...
And after that... if I see that this is giving me pain and nothing else... I would walk away...

But do you think that I am a fool to even have hope?
Do you think I should walk away rite now?
(coz its going to hurt now and also hurt later)

The point is... I will have to face the misery.. the pain... at some point... be it now or later...
But now...
I am with her... happy... with some hope...
She admires my maturity... and is also able to see the "cute" child within me...
She told it to me herself...
She even calls me with a very cute name... at tyms... when the child within me comes out...

I am having a good tym with her... but definitely a tym will come when I will be wanting that romantic love that I have for her... and which she cannot give me...

So what's your opinion... am I being a fool?

[talaniman]

Not being a fool, but being stuck on someone that's not stuck on you the same way. You accept things as they are as you go down a dead end.

But we all have faced that decision, a know its hard to let go and move beyond such feelings. Eventually you will, when you get tired of this cycle.

[awesome_shinoda]

Not being a fool, but being stuck on someone thats not stuck on you the same way. You accept things as they are as you go down a dead end.

But we all have faced that decision, a know its hard to let go and move beyond such feelings. Eventually you will, when you get tired of this cycle.

I am replying to this post after a really long time...
Dear Talaniman...
I want to thank you for the advice you gave me back then... Though I could not take any of them from my heart...
I continued with my love...
AND I am happy to inform you that we are in a relationship since last year January... she finally realized that she loves me as well...

We are a happy couple now... (with all the fights in a relationship)...

[mrbiggie]

I am replying to this post after a really long time...
Dear Talaniman...
I want to thank you for the advice you gave me back then...Though I could not take any of them from my heart...
I continued with my love...
AND I am happy to inform you that we are in a relationship since last year january...she finally realized that she loves me as well...

We are a happy couple now...(with all the fights in a relationship)....

Wow lucky you man.. I'm happy for you.

I wish we saw more of this happen, but you are a lucky one. I wish you two the best of luck.

I wish my love story would be better, but for not it's just pain. I hope you guys don't have to go through pain and if you do, that you guys support each other through it.

All the best.

[awesome_shinoda]

Wow lucky you man.. I'm happy for you.

I wish we saw more of this happen, but you are a lucky one. I wish you two the best of luck.

I wish my love story would be better, but for not it's just pain. I hope you guys don't have to go through pain and if you do, that you guys support each other through it.

All the best.

Thank you very much...
I wish you luck too :-)