[BigConcern]

My husband has the power of Attorney for his aging parents. They have not been proactive in any decisions about their health and their living situation. Examples... they continue to live in a house with 17 stairs but refuse to get a lift to help them get up the stairs, we asked if they might consider renovating their basement to suit their needs and they refuse "...I'm not living in a basement." We asked that they consider moving to a senior complex but they refuse... "I'm dying in this house with my boots on.

A month ago my father-in-law was hospitalized, when the ER doctor examinined him he asked if he lived alone...it was intimated that he (my father) had been uncared for. The doctor believed that dad's medical difficulties never would have become so bad had he had proper care.

So here is my question...when does my husband "step in" and use his Power of Attorney? Clearly our parents need hands on help. They cannot make the needed decisions that are appropriate for their needs any longer.

My husband knows he has the POA, however he knows little about the details and what he needs to do. Other siblings support the decisions we may have to make so we do have family support.

What would you suggest.

British Columbia, Canada

[Fr_Chuck]

He can not do anything with his POA to make them do something they don't want. The POA only gives him the ability to sign for them if they can't or are not there.

But they can cancel his POA anytime and they can just refuse to do anything he tries to do.

He will need guardianship over them to force them to do something.

[Wondergirl]

My husband's mother is 92 and must have gone to the same "die at home with my boots on" school that your in-laws did. My husband does her grocery shopping and helps a bit with meals and laundry. She lives now on the main floor of her three-story townhome and sleeps on the hide-a-bed in the living room. She refuses to go to assisted living.

Have you checked with social services in your area for things like Meals on Wheels and home-visiting nurses to look in on them maybe once a day or every other day? I'm not familiar with Canada's health system, but check at your local library. The reference librarians probably get this kind of question now and then and have phone numbers for you to call, say, to a provincial Department on Aging, etc. The POA I had for my uncle allowed me to set up services for him and make sure he was looked after when I wasn't able to get over to his house. Senior services will even call your parents every morning to make sure they are moving around and are in good spirits.

[Fr_Chuck]

And at times we need to look to see how we may be able to help them with their wishes, Remember it is their home and their life, yes they may be better physcialy somewhere else, but we need to respect their rights to stay at home as long as it is possible.