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calmsea · Nov 25, 2011, 01:31 AM

I am married to my cousin for last 6 years, we had a baby boy after one year of our marriage, but he died when he was one year old, my husband is my 1st cousin, doctors said my baby died bcoz of some genetic disease caused due to cousins marriage, but I believe it was all written in our fate, these are excuses to satisfy ourselves. My problem is this I am in love with someone else 4 years before my marriage, and I still love him , I tried to escape from my married life 3 times but every time my family forced me to stay in this relationship, but I don't feel any emotions for my husband, he is nice , he wants me to be happy, but I can't give him my love, I try to do so but I can't, I'm stuck, it seems to me as if I am ruining my life as well as my husband's life, he deserves a sincere wife, and above all I want myself to love my husband, or my love must be my husband, so that I can lead a clean life, plzzzzz suggest me, should I tell my husband the truth ?

Geo1998 · Nov 25, 2011, 09:37 AM

Frirstly, sorry about your baby. That must have been hard for you. Secondly, if you truly do not love your husnabd then you shouldn't let anyone force you to stay with him. Sure it will be hard for everyone if you break up but it is your life. And if you truly love this other guy then you should first see how he feels about youmloving him and see if he loves you back. HOPE THIS HELPS!!

Homegirl 50 · Nov 25, 2011, 12:05 PM

If you don't love your husband he needs to know it and you need to either leave the marriage or work on it.
Why did you marry him if you were in love with someone else. Was this an arranged marriage?

calmsea · Nov 26, 2011, 12:58 AM

Yes it was arrange marriage,just bcoz of my family I married

calmsea · Nov 26, 2011, 01:06 AM

I want to decide is it necessary to think of my family happiness,if I tell my husband definitely he will give me divorce, which I really want,but my family will be so unhappy, but for the sake of my I'm ruining my life as well as my husband's. We both r 30 yrs old now, may be he can get some better partner now , and my soulmate is always there for me. My mother will be hurt a lot, this is the point which stucks me:(

Homegirl 50 · Nov 26, 2011, 07:31 AM

Personally I think life is too short to be married to someone one you are not happy with because of family. He may be unhappy with you as well.
This is your life, your decision.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 26, 2011, 07:43 AM

First arrange marriages can work, besides the death of your child, why are you unhappy, have you and he tried to go to counseling to find a way to get along, Has he tried to help make you happy in the relationship ?

calmsea · Nov 26, 2011, 07:52 AM

I'm unhappy bcoz I love someone else, whenever my husband comes near to me its very difficult situation for me, I can't ove him like the way I love my lover, I can't give him all he deserve,can anyone of you give me suggestion according to islam, as I am a muslim, I don't want to deceive my husband the whole life, I can never forget my love, I want myself to be pure so that I can have any reason to enter jannah

Cat1864 · Nov 26, 2011, 11:47 AM

Do you mind sharing what country you reside in? As for the religious aspects of your question, I urge you to speak to your Imam.

If you are still in contact with the person you were in love with before your marriage, then you need to break off that contact. It is not fair to your husband and marriage for you to have divided loyalties. It means you have not given your husband and marriage a chance because you were holding on to the past.

If you continue to pursue a relationship with your past 'lover' even if there is no physical contact, you are emotionally cheating on your husband.

IF you leave your husband, it should not be to go the arms of another man. It should be because you and your husband cannot make your marriage work. If you are both unhappy in the marriage, you should end it. Then you should spend some time healing and letting the past go before you become involved in another relationship. If you don't then you are bringing the issues from your past relationship into the new one and that is not conducive to building a strong foundation as you have learned from bringing the baggage from your previous relationship into your marriage.

calmsea · Nov 26, 2011, 12:04 PM

I'm pakistani,but living in saudia arabia now a days

Hope4mylife · Jun 16, 2012, 07:46 PM

Bottom line, be courageous and fallow your heart. Your family will have to get over!!