[Redflare]

Good morning, and happy Turkey day. I have been going through a really rough situation with my girlfriend that I would love to get some advice on..

My girlfriend and I have been dating for over three months now, and as time progresses, I have noticed that she has become more and more depressed, and calls me all the time to talk about the situation she is in at home. She is in her second year of college, and her parents have been nothing but a stress inducer on her life. She has a load of friends at her school, a loving grandmother and aunt who cares deeply for her, and a boyfriend who would do anything in the world to just see her smile..

We have been planning to spend the weekend together this week, and her parents have been doing everything they can to make her cry, and feel miserable about the situation.. They say she can't come to visit, that she is a failure to their family, and that she has no friends. She tries to avoid them so they don't start the arguments, but they always find a way to corner her, and treat her horrendously.. What can I do?

I've been as supportive as I can be.. I call and reassure her that she will be out of their house soon, (She is planning on moving to her grandmother's after Christmas to get away from the hostility and depression) and always tell her that I am here for her, and I will do anything in my power to make her happy.. She has told me time and again that I am the reason she can handle the situation she is in at the moment, and that I am what drives her to continue on.

We have so many things planned for our future, and she even said she wants to move in with me once she gets the chance. I am one semester away from my degree in computer sciences and programming, yet I am always stressed and depressed, because I know she is suffering.. She has also told me that I'm everything to her, and that I have been helping her turn her life around, and inspiring her to fight back against her controlling, abusive parents.

Just last night her mother came into her bedroom, and gave her a speech saying that she loved her, but that she didn't want her being with me, because it would mean she wouldn't be around them.. She even told her she couldn't move in with her grandparents, because they wanted her to stay. Why make her stay, when she is absolutely miserable in her situation? I want to get her out of there SO BAD, but I can't, because her parents are paying for her spinal surgery after Christmas..

This is a really trying time for the both of us, and I feel this is God's way of testing our love for one another.. We both believe we can get through this, but we need all the help we can get.. Any advice would be greatly appreciated..

[tickle]

Must be dedicated parents if they are paying mega bucks for spinal surgery; and what is wrong with her neuro system that she must have surgery? Is she in a wheelchair? How old is your g/f Redflare because her age, if under 18 would hinder her from moving out without her parents' consent.

I am trying to read between the lines here but there seems to be a lot you are not saying. Why all the animosity towards her parents other then she is always arguing with them?

Don't get me wrong, just how much do you really know about this girl after 3 months and her situation at home, other then what she tells you? Have you ever witnessed these events first hand, how the three of them interact towards each other ?

Tick

[Redflare]

Thank you for responding Tickle, I'm sorry for not adding more detail. She has scoliosis, and had rods installed in her back three years ago. She is 20, and I am 23, so there won't be any issue with the 'under 18' issue, I assure you. ^_^

I have witnessed this first hand, as in our first meeting, I met her parents, and they were very kind and generous towards me, yet still had an aura of 'Holier than Thou' about them, always making snide remarks towards her, while she was seated there with me, in which I had to calmly console her. Once I walked out of the room to go to the restroom, I overheard them yelling at her in hushed tones, telling her that they don't want her around me. When I came back into the room, her parents returned to being nice and sincere towards the two of us.

The reason they are arguing with her, and are verbally abusive towards her, I do not know. I am not her parents. She once asked them why they keep saying if she won't get a four-year degree, she'll be a failure. All her mother did was laugh and say she crazy..

We are between a rock and a hard place. Her grandmother knows how ridiculous her daughter, (My girlfriend's mom) can be, and her dad is being manipulated by his father, speaking for him when he says she's worthless because she failed out her first year of college. I know she has a TON of potential. I have seen it in her artwork, and with her college studies whenever she isn't around her parents.

We're just trying to find the best way to dwell with the fact that she won't be able to move out until the end of her semester, and after her surgery.

[talaniman]

Keep your chin up, and just stay encouraging, and supportive.