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buddabean71 · Nov 20, 2011, 10:38 AM

My girlfriend and I have been dating for just about a year, and she left for school in September. Before we started dating we had made sure it wouldn't get serious and that come time for her to leave for school we would go our separate ways. Well... it got serious.

We didn't rush anything and we wanted to make sure our new and strong feeling were legit, we didn't even say the "L" word to each other until 4 months into the relationship. We became huge parts of each others families and we even took a trip to Florida together just the two of us alone for a week. But come September we thought we still needed to separate just because it had always been the plan.

So we did, but it didn't last long, after 2 weeks she and I realized together we still were madly in love and still wanted each other so we got back together. And for 2 months it was better then its ever been before, but then just recently she said "I still love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" and that "were not good for each other anymore". She said I haven't done a thing wrong (and I've seen proof that she's not just saying it, she really feels like I didn't do a thing) and its because her being at school has changed who she is, she also said "she wishes it could be like it used to be" but she doesn't feel like its working.

I'm scared to lose her and she knows that, she's so worried about hurting me and it honestly will so bad I don't know what I'll do. What do I do? I want her more than anything in the world. She's my girlfriend, my best friend and my life. I don't have anyone else at all. If I lose her I have nothing. Please help, thanks!

talaniman · Nov 20, 2011, 04:33 PM

Listen carefully young guy, for as tough as it is, you put up a strong smiley front and you accept she is leaving and thank her for the great time, and bow out with dignity, and self respect, class and grace. You let her go with the happy memories, because you never know what the future will bring, or you get a second look.

Yeah it sucks, but you had fun while it lasted, and got more than you bargain for, so be grateful, and happy. Maybe not now, but in time you will.

The last thing you want, is for her to be glad to get away from you, because you tried to hold on to something to tightly, and became a big begging crybaby right?

I know, its going to suck for a while.

buddabean71 · Nov 20, 2011, 08:27 PM

I hear you, and thank you but the other thing is, I'm a man of very strong morals and I have very specific "wants" in a person, for example. I DO NOT want a girl who smokes, anything weed or cigarettes, its an instant break up for me, and another thing I'm worried about is that once were broken up shell fool around with another guy, I'm a very jealous type and wouldn't be able to look at her the same if she had me then we were over and she fooled around with someone else and then wanted to come back to me, every time I would be with her id feel like id be looking at her and shed be tainted or something like that, I took her V-card and she took mine. The idea of her with someone else ever would kill me I think, what do you think?

talaniman · Nov 20, 2011, 09:02 PM

Unfortunately that's not your choice, its hers, and you really have no control over her, and no matter how attached you have become, you don't own her. Her feelings have changed, and she is leaving for school, and wants to be free to explore her world. Its like that some times so let her go. She may have been the first but hardly the last.

I think we all remember the one we gave our virginity to, though most times they do not end up as our life partner.

Just an aside here, but what if the next girl isn't a virgin? Would she to be tainted? Are you tainted for the next female? Just something to think about.

buddabean71 · Nov 20, 2011, 09:06 PM

Yeah I thought about all that too, and I don't think the next girl (if she's not a virgin) would be tainted because she wouldve done it not knowing me or knowing what we had, I thinks that's why it would be hard with my current girlfriend. Plus what makes it so hard is that a month ago she wanted to know how many kids we would have, and what our cars would be and what our house would look like and how I would purpose to her, she wanted all those things and then out of no where, this...

talaniman · Nov 20, 2011, 09:24 PM

Yeah that fantasy love talk makes it really tough, and it takes some time to get over all those good times.

That's why you carry yourself with class so you both have great memories of each other. Takes some time is all, especially getting over the shock, then dealing with the hurt, pain, and disappointment. Yup, break ups sucks

buddabean71 · Nov 20, 2011, 09:27 PM

Sorry that I keep saying things I just have a lot to say, its just that she's not the kindve girl to say things unless she feels it and means it, she wouldn't lead me on, that's why I was so confused. And again thanks for listening you're a big help

talaniman · Nov 21, 2011, 01:31 PM

No need to apologize at all. I understand confusion. Many of us say things we mean at the time, words are easy. But time changes the intentions behind the words, and we have to make adjustments to the actions, especially when the words, and actions are different, and don't match.

That doesn't mean the words were lies, it just means the feelings behind the words have changed for whatever reasons.

After all it was agreed between you in the beginning not to get to deeply involved, but those feelings changed didn't they? Obviously, feelings have again changed, and you must adjust accordingly.

buddabean71 · Nov 26, 2011, 09:28 AM

Ugh, I hate my life, but really, thank you