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HotHoneyVintage · Nov 17, 2011, 07:23 AM

What is the 'signs' that you are an ugly/unattractive woman? At least in men's eyes. They always say pretty girls don't have to do anything... how do you know if you are or not as a womaN? I guess if no one ever wanted u that must mean u are an ugly duckling, right? Ty

Curlyben · Nov 17, 2011, 07:26 AM

Short and sweet really.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

That's it.
There really is nothing to be gained by over analysing things like this as you'll simply tie yourself up in knots..

HotHoneyVintage · Nov 17, 2011, 08:17 AM

Easy for u to say not to get over analytical about it. But if no body wants you then maybe you think differently, I bet you can't even imagine that... ther has to be some kind of 'measure' though to know if you're ugly or not. Maybe you just don't want to say.

Curlyben · Nov 17, 2011, 08:24 AM

There is NO "measure" of beauty, it's all about perception.

So how do you think I look with only ONE eye!

So don't jump to conclusions before you understand who you are talking too.
If you want help, then fine, but if you are simply looking for a place to rant about your woes then you really need professional counselling.

J_9 · Nov 17, 2011, 08:27 AM

Maybe it's not about your beauty, or lack thereof. Maybe it's about your attitude in life.

You can be dead drop gorgeous on the outside, but it's what is on the inside that counts.

A person can be hideous looking on the outside, but what is in her/his heart can be breathtaking to some people.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 17, 2011, 08:29 AM

Normally beauty has nothing to do with your actual looks, it is how you think about yourself and more often your personality. I have a Walmart theory where I tell you go to sit for a hour or two at walmart and watch all the people, 400 lb ladies with breasts down past their waist, others to skinny I am afraid the wind will blow away.

Often finding a boyfriend or partner can be anything from attitude, to also unrealistic goals for a partner.

I suggest that no matter what your looks, there is someone who will love you, and see your beauty. The issue here is finding that person. Where are you looking, have you asked anyone out, or do you just go home and wonder why no one asks you out.

Next yes some people can be more attractive if they dress better, have the proper hair style, maybe change their hair color, use the correct make up.

HotHoneyVintage · Nov 17, 2011, 11:31 AM

Curleyben everything I say you writes off as a 'rant' and I really don't care. Just because I don't agrees with everything you are putting out there into the universe. People are allowed to disagree w/ you... how am I suppose to know you only have one eye? Why don't you get some 'professional counseling' if you want to talk about that because its not my issue, its yours... I was asking a question and that's what everyone else does on here.

Curlyben · Nov 17, 2011, 12:17 PM

HHV, you've hit the nail squarely on the head here.
You see I'm quite happy with my lot in life and I'm not looking for excuses or people to blame.
I have learnt to not take people at face value and to accept advice as and when it is offered. You, unfortunately, appear to be suffering from a large amount of self loathing and you're looking for others to blame rather than grabbing life by the balls and getting stuck in.
Life is NOT fair, it's a challenge, so live it to it's fullest extent.

HotHoneyVintage · Nov 17, 2011, 03:35 PM

Curlyben if u 'happy with your lot in life' good for you. Hats off... just like you don't likes it whenpeople judge you and jump to conclusion don't do it to others. You don't KNOW me from a hole in the wall so your 'assumptions' about what I think and why I think that way mean diddly squat at this point. And fyi I'm not 'blaming' anybody for anythign -- I was asking a question you answered so why not leave it at that instead of getting on your high horse and being all self righteous. I'm not interested take it elsewhere please.

ANYWAY:

If there's other peoples that have advice/info on how someone whould know if they are consider ugly I would like to hear it. Ty

Curlyben · Nov 17, 2011, 03:50 PM

HHV, I guess you'd rather wallow in your own self pity then do anything constructive about it. I'm not judging you but going from the indicators in your own posts.
It's a shame that your whole out look on life is so negative.
While pessimism has it's place and can be useful, you seem to find a twisted pleasure in playing the victim and using that to fuel your negative attitude.

I mentioned earlier about professional counselling and I truly believe that you need serious assistance. The path you are currently on is extremely self destructive and not conducive for any kind of healthy existence, no matter how dark.
It's about time you pulled yourself out of this morass you are in and focus all of your negative energies in bettering yourself.
NO ONE will do this for you unless you ASK for help.
You MUST acknowledge the issues before you can make any steps in successfully overcoming it.

HotHoneyVintage · Nov 18, 2011, 12:06 AM

Yea 'wallow in self pitty and not doing nothing constructive about it' too bad you don't know what I try and haven't tried at this point. Maybe I was DRIVEN to this point by constant failures never considered that did you? Either way it doesn't matter to me; I can feels as negative or down trodden as I want about my own life seeing as its mine. That's right I am MOSTLY negative about life and the things in it and you can assigns w/e labels you want to about that. I really don't care. Like I say before if you happy with your situation -- hats off to you. Everyone entitled to feel w/e ways they want in this world.

And FYI: again you don't know me or else you know I been in cbts therapy and medication for over a year and it's a bunch of worthless dribble so you see asking for 'serious professional help' doesn't always do squat. Again: if it work for you, good. That's you not me.

Wondergirl · Nov 18, 2011, 12:16 AM

Originally Posted by HotHoneyVintage

i been in cbts therapy and medication for over a year and its a bunch of worthless dribble so you see asking for 'serious professional help' doesnt always do squat. again: if it work for you, good. thats you not me.

I've used CBT with many of my clients and it has always worked. But then they were willing to cooperate with me and give it a fair try. Have you done that, given it a fair try -- or are you as negative with the therapist as you are here?

HotHoneyVintage · Nov 19, 2011, 06:12 PM

I said I DID Tries CBT therapy and it's a joke, everyone claiming it work well it didn't for me. There's 15 year olds have kids. Most my YOUNGER cousins is marry when people have wedding have to go by myself never have anyone to take. It's embarrassing I don't even go anymore just sends a gift in the mail. Sigh.so don't tell me not to be 'negative' on here they can shove it. Mayb their life is positive and great so what? Doesn't mean everyone else's is.

Wondergirl · Nov 19, 2011, 06:22 PM

So what did you do with CBT?

HotHoneyVintage · Nov 19, 2011, 08:27 PM

w.g. what you mean what I do with it? I don't do nothing with it. We sit there each 2 week and she tell me not to think negative to controls my thoughts and all that crap. I tell her how I feels about my pathetic life and such. And she tell me it's not pathetic, blah blah.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 19, 2011, 08:36 PM

How about doing one positive thing a week. Go and do work with a local food bank or homeless shelter. Go to a nursing home and read a book to a elderly person.

If you find you make a difference in someone else's life it often makes a difference in your life.

Next people get married, I do weddings every week, guess what 1/2 or more divorce within two years, and start again.
There is nothing wrong with being single, no disgrace, there are no "old maids" any more. I have several good friends who have made personal choices to be celebrate and to be single.

But yes, anything can be negative, if you let it, I had a serious car wreck a few week ago, guess what I had 3 days before, cancelled my full coverage insurance, so my car is gone, poof,
But I viewed it as a chance to do more things locally, without it. Or as a sign I was too attached to a "thing"
We make our own choices

Wondergirl · Nov 19, 2011, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by HotHoneyVintage

w.g. what u mean what i do with it? i don't do nothing with it. we sit there each 2 week and she tell me not to think negative to controls my thoughts and all that crap. i tell her how i feels about my pathetic life and such. and she tell me it's nto pathetic, blah blah.

That's not CBT!!

JudyKayTee · Nov 20, 2011, 09:42 AM

I thought text speak was discouraged -

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2011, 10:02 AM

Whatever happened with Jeanette, HHV?

HotHoneyVintage · Nov 20, 2011, 10:14 AM

Jeanette has referred me to another lady who is working with a 'independence living' organization. 'independance living' is to help people that live on their with mental health problems. This other lady told me to call a number about getting social skill training. She told me to go volunteers but I am not doing it because I had bad experience with it.

I am embarrassed to use 'independence living' services but I'm sure a few characters find that to be really funny.