[kirsty]

My and my ex met at the beginning of uni four years ago... we dates for a couple of months then he split up with me, then again for a couple of months then again he split up with me then for 9months then he split up with me then for two months and surprise surprise again he split up with me! In the ending week of every part of our relationship he has acted very weird and suspicious and he would split up with me over something very silly... a few days later I begin to notice things and eventually find out it is another girl... it never lasts long and he's back in my ear saying the nicest sweetest things and assuring me 'this time its for real... im just scared of commintment but I only want to be with you... this time il change... this time.. '
When we have the relationsip it is almost perfect we live together... hav great sex make each other laugh care for each other... we no each other inside out... like soulmates... we'r very affectionate and flirty all the time yet give each other space and alone time... we allow each other to go out clubbing whenever and sometimes even go together... when we'r together you can see happiness even if I don't smile... I love him!

This time round a few things have happened and I don't no how to handle it all and how to approach him! I miss him more than words can say and I love being his girlfrined and I do forgive him a lot

We had an argument and he went out drinking with some friends and a few new people inc a certain girl... we sorted it out... then Saturday came and I had a family occasion to go... so he went out with the same people... all this is absolutely fine... after that night he became very preoccupied with his own time and whispering with one of our mutual friends... valentines day came and I over heard my frined telling him to by me a card because he wasn't going too... then I get a text 'babe I'm working late tonight' I didn't think anything of it then I said well il meet you after week... he said OK... then another text' babe I won't be done until about 7.30... ' I thought fine... I did a massive candle bedroom surprise... he came home eventually and it was a fantastic evening! That day I checked his fone to c who he might have called... only because I was a little suspicious... he works in a bank until 7.30!. saw a number of a skool... didnt think anything of it! The next day all I asked him is whether he bought me the card because he wanted to or because someone else made him... I told him I over heard our mate talking to him! He went off the handle and split up with me and also went out drinking that night! With the same people! Everyday since valentines he has been late from week and has been drinking! We made up and agreed to stay friends... we were all supposed to go out together and he asked me not to come... he was adament on me not coming! I didn't go... the Monday just gone he went for a drink with work mates veryfar away form week and asked our mate to pick him up... we went there and he was walking back... then us three went for a drink... they began talking about the night when I didn't go out every time that certain girls name was mentioned he would behave v. weirdly!. I thought fine we'r not together he can do what he wants! Tuesday came and he had a course in london he came back early and I found out he met up with this girl for a drink... who by the way has a boyfriend! He lied to me though and said he had been in london all day!
I thought wotever I just don't care anymore!. now I have found out the girl who he met works at a skool and the number I saw on valentines day when we were still togetherr was hers... or could have been one of his mates that works with her!

I don't know what to think or believe... I can't tell him that I looked through his fone on valentines day because he will turn it around on me and say well you should trust me and that he was just calling his mate... who by the way is just someone he knows through other people!. he will cover it up!. he is very good with words!
I just don't no whether I'm being too paranoid... also I no he will ask me out again and I don't know how to answer that... especially when I want to be with him so badly!
I wudnt really have cared if he had met up with this girl but the valentines day thing has furiated me especially because he was so late from week... he never has been before!

I'm in love with him and miss our relationship more than anything... at the moment I'm being my normal frinedly self... wot do I do now... please help me because all this thinking is taking up all my time... im going crazy I swear!

Sorry for the essay!

[chuff]

my and my ex met at the beginning of uni four years ago...we dates for a couple of months then he split up with me, then again for a couple of months then again he split up with me then for 9months then he split up with me then for two months and surprise surprise again he split up with me! in the ending week of every part of our realtionship he has acted very weird and suspicious and he wud split up with me over something very silly...a few days later i begin to notice things and eventually find out it is another girl....it never lasts long and hes back in my ear saying the nicest sweetest things and assuring me 'this time its for real...im just scared of commintment but i only wanna be with you...this time il change...this time...!'

All that is another way of saying several things. They are as follows.

1. He can’t be trusted.
2. He doesn’t love you.
3. He doesn’t like you.
4. He doesn’t respect you.
5. He sees you as his back up plan.
6. You have taught him you are his back up plan.

when we hav the relationsip it is almost perfect we live together...hav great sex make eachother laugh care for eachother...we no eachother inside out...like soulmates...

Like soul mates who look for other people. Those are actually cheaters. Soul mates are on another level and this relationship no matter how long it’s gone isn’t a soul mate relationship.

we'r very affectionate and flirty all the time yet give eachother space and alone time...we allow eachother to go out clubbing whenever and sometimes even go together...when we'r together u can see happiness even if i dont smile...i love him!

I can tell you do. But he doesn’t share that same love back for you.

this time round a few things hav happened and i dont no how to handle it all and how to approach him! i miss him more than words can say and i love being his girlfrined and i do forgive him a lot

You forgive him too much. It’s one thing for a guy to make a mistake for hurt your feelings unintentionally but he’s done just the opposite, several times.

i thought fine we'r not together he can do what he wants!

I agree with you, he can do what he wants but why are you subjecting yourself to this kind of emotional instability.

tuesday came and he had a course in london he came back early and i found out he met up with this girl for a drink...who btw has a boyfriend!

You mean he doesn’t value commitment? Kristy I’m not surprised. He didn’t value his own commitment with you so why would he value another girls.

he lied to me tho and sed he had been in london all day! i thought wotever i just dont care anymore!....now i have found out the girl who he met works at a skool and the number i saw on valentines day wen we were still togetherr was hers...or could have been one of his mates that works with her!

It was hers. He’s a cheater. He’s been a cheater for years and you’ve known this because he’s done this to you at least 4 times prior.

i don't no wot to think or believe...i can't tell him that i looked through his fone on valentines day because he will turn it around on me and say well u shud trust me n that he was just calling his mate....

Well if you have to have the conversation why not say “I can’t trust you because you have a history of dumping me for other women.” But instead of the conversation why not just finally dump him and leave him for good.

who by the way is just someone he knows through other people!...he will cover it up!..

Yes he will cover it up. He’s lied for years to you.

he is very gud with words!

To be honest I question that. You’ve already caught him dumping you 4 times for other women. How good can he be? It’s not his fault you keep taking him back.

i just dont no whether im being too paranoid...also i no he will ask me out again and i don't no how to answer that...especially wen i want to be with him so badly!

You say no Kristy. You say that dumping you for another woman is where you draw the line. You say this behavior is self destructive, deceiving and disrespectful.

I’ll tell you what will happen again if you take him back. The same things he always says.

i wudnt really have cared if he had met up with this girl but the valentines day thing has furiated me especially because he was so late from wk...he never has been before!

Are you out of your mind? You don’t care that he met another girl? No wonder he uses you. That’s so sad for me to read that. Why do you not value yourself enough to have a man that will treat you better? Why do you allow this kind of behavior to continue?

im in love with him and miss our relationship more than anything...

Apparently even more then yourself respect and dignity. You can get that back by leaving this guy for good.

at the moment im being my normal frinedly self...wot do i do now...please help me because all this thinking is taking up all my time...im going crazy i swear!

sorry for the essay!

I think your crazy for allowing this to continue. He’s not going to change. He doesn’t even like you. He uses you a plaything between his other women projects. I rather be alone then to have someone like this person in my life.