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Cushion · Nov 10, 2011, 07:01 AM

I recently met a guy off the Internet at the time I was going through a bad time in my long-term relationship of 13 years... This guy manipulated me into splitting up with my partner and took me on board... he got engaged to me. I felt pressured into this. He always played mind games with me... one minute nasty one minute really nice... all he wanted was effort from me! I fell into his trap... every time I wanted to end the relationship, he took hold of me and my mind and swooned me back around... I'm not going into detail, but he has done some really nasty things to me... I thought I loved him, but then he turned into someone I didn't know :( I have ended the relationship with him, but he is still harassing me and trying to get into my head... I am so scared... please help me... thank you.

mekayley · Nov 11, 2011, 09:58 PM

These things happen all the time, and It's best you've realized this before it was too late, most usually don't notice until it is indeed to late. I think the best thing to do is, if you love him, but you know he's bad, you need to let him go. It'd be for the best. And if you want to leave him but you're afraid he'll hurt you, contact the police first, that's the best thing. Just get a restriction or something on him. If you don't want to contact the police, tell someone you trust, a close friend or family member of some sort, explain what's been going on and I'm sure if they'll know how to help you, and give you more ideas on what to do. I hope everything works out, I'll pray for you! <3 Best of luck.

Jake2008 · Nov 13, 2011, 08:40 AM

You are not a sitting duck, or a hapless wallflower, incable of making decisions for yourself.

You left a 12 year relationship, for another man that you did not know, that you met on the internet. That was a major decision.

You made the choice to move in with him, and you made further (bad) choices to allow yourself to be under another persons' control.

While the man you chose may be an abusive, manipulative liar, you chose him, beyond any doubt.

You chose to allow him to put a wedge in your entire life, and chose to be a victim. Seriously, meeting a man online, and jumping immediately into a relationship was not the greatest thing you've probably ever done.

You have finally made a good choice, to leave this man, and that choice may very well have consequences of its own. For example, you may need to speak to police for assistance.

Do not leave yourself vunerable, to anybody elses' behaviour- you can no longer predict what a strangers motives are, and this man is essentially a stranger. You do, however, have the benefit of knowing what he is likely capable of, because you have been involved with him.

Seek assistance from friends and family, and try to realize that their understanding of how you are handling this split is indicative of a greater problem.

That is, how to help yourself, effectively, to not only stop unwanted contact from him, but how to stand on your own two feet.

If you are this easily swayed into such a relationship in the first place, I suspect (guess) that you likely have other problems that need addressed too.

Decide NOT to be a victim, learn why you were, and know through learning (counselling for example), how to avoid this potentially deadly pitfall in the future.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 13, 2011, 08:47 AM

Stop and all contact, if he texts, delete it, do not read it, if he calls, don't answer, if he emails, don't open, just delete it.

If he comes to the door, tell him to leave or you will call the police. If he threatens you, call the police.

geminichick · Dec 3, 2011, 11:23 PM

Fr. Chuck and Jake have hit this issue right on the nose. They are spot dead on right. Leaving someone you were with to be with someone off the internet was a pretty big leap. Block out his phone number and stay away from this creep. He has major mental health issues. The one thing I would like to say about internet dating is you never know who your with via cyber space! I can say the same about people in the general public but it is even more risky to meet a potential partner online. If he threatens you call the police. If he continues to harass you call the police. If he comes to your house call the police. I understand this all a little too well from a personal point of view. Stand your ground and do not allow him to take away your power.