[jtrain_36]

I'm 36 years old & my boyfriend is 42.. granted we're no spring chickens but a year ago he would always perform oral sex on me and I would on him also. And we would make love all night long! (NO JOKE,NO PILLS) Now we may go for 10-15 minutes.. there's no passion in his eyes anymore. When we have sex that's just what it is SEX! He makes me feel like it's a chore for him or something or he's just trying to please me real quick so he can get off.. idk. When I try to initiate sex I get rejected, so I don't even try anymore because it hurts so bad! I really love him with all my heart, I told him I'd marry him. This all of a sudden started about a month or so ago. I know he's not cheating or gay, so what's up?

[Cat1864]

One of the first things you need to do is talk to him. Don't confront him. You are looking for an argument or to put him on the defensive. What you are wanting is to find out what he is thinking and feeling.

Has anything else changed in your relationship? Does he seem distracted or 'not there'?

Around the time the change occurred did anything else happen? An accident, family or friend problems/health issues/death, stress from work (any talk of layoffs/reductions), housing issues, etc.

How is his health? Could he be worried about his health?

When was the proposal? Could he be getting 'cold feet' or concerned about how things will be after marriage? Could he be worried about bringing up any concerns he has for fear of upsetting you or making you feel insecure about the relationship? If he does, it could be causing him to unconsciously back off. Sometimes we hurt other people more by trying not to hurt them.

Is there a chance that he might feel like your relationship is stagnating or could he be afraid it is headed that way? How do you feel about the relationship in general and, other than this last month, your sex life?

Talk to him. Share what you are noticing and ask him if anything is wrong. See if you can find a way to work together to get through whatever is going on.

Good luck.